Does anyone else have no wish to be very "thin"?

[Felix01]

My BMI is 21.5 probably a bit porky by MN standards. I've been ill but I feel a bit frail and too thin, my hip bones are jutting , I'm going back to the gym to do weight training I like having big thighs , big bum , feeling strong I'd be happier with a BMI of around 22.5 even 23. Does anyone else feel like me or does everyone want to have a very low BMI? Is being very thin a sign of status? I think once women start to get older it looks very aging.

I'm 5'6 and just over 9 stone so about 20.5 BMI which is normal category towards the lower end. I'm 48.

My BMI until I had my last baby age 40 was 19. I never lost the last stone and decided I wasn't bothered. I've got a sticky out belly now which I don't like and my waist is thicker but I love having a cleavage and my face looks better for being slightly fuller. I also feel at my age it would be a struggle to keep my weight lower and is be hungry a lot of the time. So I agree, I'm happy to be "slim" but no longer aspire to be "thin" or skinny.

However I do have arthritis in my lower back and knees (one quite severely because of an injury) and whenever I have a review I get reminded that it's good that I'm slim and I should make sure I don't put on any weight, as it would be best to avoid a knee replacement for as long as possible. I can manage OK at the moment and piling on weight could accelerate its deterioration.

So I do want to be slim, for practical reasons as well as vanity.

Lots of judgement here towards what are complete unique circumstances to the individual.

I have never commented on another persons appearance or size but I have received criticism of “looking tired/older/wrinkled/too thin” when returning to my pre-pregnancy, healthy bmi.

I'm not overweight my BMI is healthy but I've lost muscle mass which is probably more unhealthy. Than where I was at , I will feel better with more muscle mass.

I like being thin, but not enough to work at it. I'm naturally a size 8, waivered between size 6-10 throughout my life, although I've never tried for any particular size. Whenever being thin has happened to me naturally I feel much better in my body, I feel more 'myself'. Maybe I just don't like taking up much space. But also I don't care at all about being attractive to other people, so things like looking old or jutting bones or being sexually unappealing because too bony do not factor into this preference at all. I'm not particularly beautiful, and don't think I look more beautiful when thin. I just feel like I inhabit my own body more easily.

I mark papers for university students and the amount of young women who discuss eating disorders and struggles with their weight is honestly staggering.
There is also an increase in the young men discussing the gym physique and need to get muscles.

I don't know what is is that causing it per se - I remember trying to do push ups age 6 wanting to ... well I'm not sure at that age.. but my weight/ appearance has been a constant thought in my head almost all my life.
I would love to be one of those people who doesn't focus on it...

I do think that a focus on appearances will always be normal.. 1) we are predominantly visual animals 2) sexual selection has always been the real driver of evolution

It's hard to know the answer and I do like that there is a push to representing a wider range of bodies, but if our focus is on health we shouldn't promote unhealthy, overweight bodies either. The focus on big bums and curves ... also causes unhealthy obsessions. I for one could never obtain that look without plastic surgery. For men, it's often steroids...

As has been said previously I think it's losing weight that leads you to feel "scraggy/haggard" not those who are naturally smaller. I went from 12st 13 to 8st 7, I'm 5ft 2 and I looked terrible, I looked ill and my face was sunken. However a friend the same measurements looks amazing, it's always been her size and she doesn't face the same issues I did.

I agree would much rather be curvy than skinny.

Weight is such a weird thing. I'm the same height and when I'm around 14st 7 I'm a size 14!

I've always been between a 12 and 14 and agree, I wouldn't like to be smaller. I like having shape, my BMI is at the high end of healthy and been stable all my life so not a worry.

So you’re not looking or feeling good at the moment based on your OP. Eat well, do weights and you’ll be looking and feeling better soon enough.

These teeny tiny threads. 🙄 Health is the important thing.

My BMI is 21.5 probably a bit porky by MN standards. I've been ill but I feel a bit frail and too thin, my hip bones are jutting , I'm going back to the gym to do weight training I like having big thighs , big bum , feeling strong I'd be happier with a BMI of around 22.5 even 23. Does anyone else feel like me or does everyone want to have a very low BMI?

I’m happy if my BMI within the healthy range. I’m slim so it tends to be at the lower end. I’m in the gym six days a week and lift heavy weights, so don’t feel remotely frail. Nor do I have, or aspire to, big thighs and a big bum.

Horses for courses. We are all different.

I used to want to be thin. I then was thin and honestly hated my body as much when my BMI was underweight as I did when it was a bit over.

Now I want to be a weight I can maintain easily, that doesn't involve me counting calories, obsessively working out, panicking about eating out and avoiding social occasions. If that weight is a low BMI that's fine, if its a higher BMI thats fine, but I don't desire to be a weight that involves so much mental torture to get to for me.

Some people will naturally sit at the lower end of healthy and that's fine. I actually like my body a lot more now that I have worked on my self esteem not my weight.

I have no desire to be very thin.
I work out 5/6 days a week - Crossfit, so a mixture of cardio and strength training.
I'm strong; fit and have a lot of muscle on my frame; a small size 12. Which to the competitive under eaters on MN is likely horrifying. I have big legs, muscular shoulders and arms and a small waist. But I'm not shredded lean.
I wouldn't be able to do what I do if I was teeny tiny (plus would have to starve myself to get there, no thank you).

Struggled for years not being super thin like my friends then realised - I'm not meant to be. My body allows me to do what I love and that's the best feeling.

I think the issue here is that she is trying to look thinner than her body's natural, healthy self. That's going to take its toll.

Someone who is naturally slim won't age any quicker (if all other factors are equal) than someone who is naturally a little larger.

As I said in a PP, I think the issue here is that they are striving to be something they are not.

Naturally slim people over 50 won't look scraggy just because they are slim.

I am 52, very slim and don't (think I) look scraggy at all. I have always been slim and I exercise a lot, not just to maintain a good, strong, toned shape (though of course I know this is a huge benefit), but because I love it and it makes me feel good. And I want to win races!

I'm naturally slim (never been over a size 8) and lose weight very easily.

I prefer to be slim but would describe myself as skinny right now - not intentional, but won't go into detail re rapid weight loss.

I defintely feel less attractive than I did with some extra weight on. Not just my body, but in the face too.

No, other women hated me for it, especially my fat sister. Come now, we’ve mentioned the T word so we can mention the F word too, no point beating about the bush here seeing as everyone’s happy with themselves. I hoped that they would accept me more once I chubbed up, but it obviously must’ve been my beauty that annoyed them as I still get the looks from the bitches.

I knew I shouldn't have opened this thread but curiosity got the better of me and now I'm regretting it.

OP, being thin shouldn't always be aspired to, you're correct. I had a BMI of 18 until I started medication which caused my appetite to disappear - my BMI is now 16.3 and I am trying my best to build my weight but it is not a fast process.

I'm only in my 20s but have always been called a "twig", "stick", "bag of bones" etc before my weight dropped by strangers so it's nice to see that I have a future of being refered to as "haggard", as well as other descriptors I wish I hadn't read. I won't be returning to this thread as it's obviously not good for anyone to have to read what people secretly think about those of us who are very thin, whether or not we can help it. Ignoring all of the unfortunate comments, I would just make this one point to OP's original post:

OP (and to the rest of the posters), be whatever weight you feel most comfortable with yourself at and that means something different for everyone. But also please try and consider that not all "thin" people are happy in the way they look and nor are they all healthy just because they're thin, so you should never feel pressured to look thin, or to look any certain way for that fact. You should just want to be happy and that has a different definition for everyone. Whether or not being thin is the current "beauty standard", it shouldn't be relevant if it isn't your beauty standard. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and you should aspire to be however you feel happiest with yourself, most comfortable, most healthy. Being thin does not always equate to being healthy. If you can get all your vitamins, stay hydrated, eat a fairly balanced diet, get some decent sleep and some exercise if possible, you're on the right path to health regardless of your size.

No one on either end of the spectrum should be made to feel ashamed of their weight or size. I'm bowing out of this thread now and will take more care in future not to venture into threads like this.

Agree.

I liked that 'body neutrality not body positivity' movement... how about we just spend less time poring over women's exact measurements?

I am mid 50s, and a size 16 apple with a bmi of 32.
I am doing a medically based weight loss programme to lose 3 stone, which should put me at about a bmi of 24. I've always had poor self esteem about weight and have a genetically huge chest. I will never look skinny without surgery. Plan for this year is to get to healthy bmi and stay there for 6 months. Have money put aside for surgery next year if I can stay at target for 6 months.

Content as I am. I can get into all my clothes and do what I need to and want to do.
Being heavier plays havoc with arthritis and general day to day living. Being lighter just makes me feel generally miserable and unwell. I’m probably classed as excessively? obese, but only yourself can know how you weight affects you.

Personally I find these threads both interesting and helpful.
Yes, the OP was loaded, but there's been plenty of balance coming from other people's opinions.
For those of us for whom weight, body size and shape matter, regardless of the rights and wrongs, we're not going to undo decades of conditioning by being told by someone on MN that we're 'shallow' and mustn't talk about such things, like the more high minded women don't. We'll just carry on thinking our thoughts about weight in private, without ever hearing different opinions and perspectives that challenge us and provide balance.
I'm sure the threads have potential to be triggering, but there's very little that doesn't. A group of women discussing how they feel about their bodies on a thread no one has to open doesn't justify censorship imo.

I think it comes down to what people feel best at and how their weight is distributed.

I'm most confident & happiest at size 10. I'm about a month off being back there comfortably.

I know everyone says, weight comes off their breasts first but mine don't or at least very little. On occasions when I am a size 8, I look ridiculously top heavy & it just does suit me at all.

Hear hear

That was in reply to @5128gap