To wonder why so many people choose to have such a short age gap between their children?

[Lightningfast]

I hear of so many people with two children two years apart and can’t for the life of me understand why anyone would want

a. To be pregnant with a child of around only a year old
b. To have a newborn baby when the older one is still a toddler and therefore still needs support in so many really basic ways. Sure, they don’t need the same level of support as a new baby but still...

I’ve heard the ‘they will be close enough to be friends’ theory but in practice I have seen at least as many if not rather more siblings who are close in age but are not especially close emotionally and it feels a rather weak reason.
I see this happening so often, even with mothers who have really struggled with getting their first baby to feed, sleep etc. and yet seem hellbent on having another only a matter of months later. Just...why?

If this is you I’m not judging, just genuinely interested in what you are getting out of it.

Mine are 2 years apart because it felt right. We wanted them to grow up together and it gets it out of the way.

There are definite pros and cons but the biggest pro is how close they are but that was something we could never guarantee.

The biggest con was both in nappies, in the early days it was tough to remember who I had changed so inevitably one got left in a soggy nappy longer than was ideal.

We've never had to factor in nursery fees because until recently I worked evenings. My eldest was like a dream baby when we planned to have another and we kind of didn't factor in the difficulties of a strong willed toddler and a baby but we came out the other side.

I don't regret it, sometimes I wonder how things would have been with a smaller/bigger gap but I'm happy with how it turned out.

My two are 15 months apart. 30 mths and 15mths. It wasn't intentional (and involves a "lets risk it" comment) 🤦‍♀️ but now I can happily admit probably the best age gap for us as routines are similar, as are interests, activities, days out... It's also saved us loads of money on baby gear as most of it was still relatively new or barely used. I couldn't imagine it being any different now.

That said, couldn't imagine having a third right now when DS2 is still this young 🥲

So, OP, I think the consensus is generally:

Yes, it is hell for the first couple of years, but the benefits of having siblings who play together well and are into similar activities (plus not having to go back to the nappy stage!) are much longer-lasting!

Fit all the aforementioned and because i don't want to raise children forever, I enjoy it, love them but 20 years to get both mine to 18 is enough (i am aware parenting goes on but you know what i mean) a 5 + year age gap means a minimum of 23 years of your life child rearing. My friend had 16 years apart and i just think wow that 34 years to get them both to adulthood.

And also this!

Yeah, anything more than 10 years at the same primary school gate is too long for me. I’m v much about life stages.

Mine were 19 months apart. We had all of the hard nappy and disturbed sleep stage over and done with.

Being close in age, we can go out as a family and they are at a very similar stage so like the same activities.

They are also great friends as well as brothers and spend hours together playing.

It works brilliantly for us.

Also, I was 36 and we did ivf. We thought it would take a while again the second time but we're very fortunate that it didn't.

YABU (and do sound judgemental)

My first was the easiest baby that has ever walked the earth. He did not like being a toddler, but by that time DC2 had arrived, and he was not an easy baby. So I went from having one super chilled baby to two challenging kids.

I definitely felt I was 'in the zone' having two within 22 months. The momentum carried me through. If I'd had even a short period of no nappies, no sleep disturbed nights etc, I'd have struggled to start all that again.

Once Dd over 14 mths, toddling and beginning to talk - the broody hormones came back big time.

We started trying when she was 18 mths old and DS was born 10 months later when she was 2 years 4 mths.

I think it was mainly hormones but also I was 35 and didn't want to hang about.

And there is a large gap between me and my sibling which I found lonely and I wanted two close together.

I have to say if DC2 had been DC1 there probably would have been a bigger gap as she was a nightmare sleeper but ds2, despite being a v whingy baby, was a great sleeper. So by the time he was 15mo we were ready to re-enter the twilight zone

It just seemed natural to have them a couple of years apart and if I had my time over, I'd choose the same sort of gap. I love that they are close friends (although that's not maybe related to the age gap), and I love that they have developed their interests and independence at similar times.

b. To have a newborn baby when the older one is still a toddler and therefore still needs support in so many really basic ways. Sure, they don’t need the same level of support as a new baby but still...

But children/teens/young adults need support all the way through their lives. The support is perhaps less basic and more emotionally complicated as they get older but I'm not sure why that might be considered easier. But you know - horses for courses.

We had 3 in 4 years.
We wanted our family to be completed quickly, I had 3 HG pregnancies and I just wanted the pregnancy bit done asap, we wanted more DC but I just couldn’t face a 4th bout of HG, it nearly killed me the 1st 3 times.
It also meant I had a short time out of work and could get back to my career quickly.
As they were close in age it meant they were easy to entertain as they were all in to the same things at the same time, my cousin has 6 years between her DC and it’s harder to entertain a 6yo and a 12yo than a 10yo and a 12yo.

I had a fifteen month gap because I believed the bollocks that EBF under six months of age prevents pregnancy.

They are so close now though, more like twins than siblings.
I had to have a massive bugaboo donkey as a pram and two cots in the house at once, two in nappies etc but it was fun. Would recommend it on the whole.

To get it out of the way! I had hyperemesis in both pregnancies, pregnancy hormones make me very depressed, and I’m shit at lack of sleep… I basically never would have done it again if I’d thought about it too much. There’s 26 months between my two. Not a tiny gap, but not huge either. It was most difficult when the youngest stopped being a newborn but before she could walk (6-10 months ish) and has gotten progressively easier since then. Now they are 2 and 4, and despite fighting like cat and dog sometimes, I do also manage 5 minutes peace where they play nicely with increasing frequency.

Three in just under four years here. No age related reasons for getting on with it, we just wanted to get it over and done with.

I planned my dc like this and was very lucky to get pregnant at the right moment. I wanted them to be close in age so they could do the same activities together more or less as they grew. I also found 2 young ones easier than one. When my 2nd came along I was amazed how she fit into my routine so easily. No changes or adaptations needed. It worked out brilliant for us. There was a 4yr gap between me & my siblings and I always felt it was too big.

20 months between my two. I was 35 and 37 when I had them. It got the tiring bit over and done with, plus they are arguably closer as friends than anyone else’s kids I know who have bigger age gaps.

And it does feel like some of you are being a bit judgey.

@yorkshirepudsx they're super cute! I mean they fight too but DC1 is very loving to her little siblings. I definitely recommend getting the older 1 involved with things like nappy changes and feed etc, it might take longer, but the smile on her face when she gets to help and the bond it creates between them is fantastic!

It took a while to conceive DC1 so thought we'd better get cracking with DC2 - turned up first try

Mine are 16 months apart and totally planned. I’d have liked an even smaller gap, but a large family wedding meant that we held off. I was in my 20s when I had my first, so not an age thing.

We liked the idea of getting the baby stage out of the way (particularly how restrictive it can be with naps etc) and really hoped they’d have a strong relationship and friendship. Fortunately they are very close, so it paid off (we weren’t naive enough to think this was guaranteed).

They are only a school year apart, so they learn a lot from each / together / with me. They have very similar interests and are a similar ability at things (cinema, bowling etc). They can attend extra curricular clubs together sometimes (Cubs, for example), but also do their own thing too.

I genuinely wouldn’t change it for the world.

I’m just rubbish at thinking things through.

13 months between mine. Red wine and a "just this once will be fine" attitude is to thank.

I have 2 children with a 2 year age gap between them, my reasons were:

1. My age, I wasn’t old but not young either, so I feel I’ve “caught up”
2. DH has a 10 year gap between him and his sibling and wished they were closer, he blames the age gap
3. Get the nappy and expensive childcare phase out of the way as quickly as possible
4. My DC would be in a similar stage which would be handy for days out
5. I wanted another baby!

I'm about to have my second, 3.5 year age gap. I didn't think it was a big age gap but it keeps being referred to as one on here! I thought it was a pretty average gap and that they're still close enough in age to share interests.

Misses point of thread, but...