To wonder why so many people choose to have such a short age gap between their children?

[Lightningfast]

I hear of so many people with two children two years apart and can’t for the life of me understand why anyone would want

a. To be pregnant with a child of around only a year old
b. To have a newborn baby when the older one is still a toddler and therefore still needs support in so many really basic ways. Sure, they don’t need the same level of support as a new baby but still...

I’ve heard the ‘they will be close enough to be friends’ theory but in practice I have seen at least as many if not rather more siblings who are close in age but are not especially close emotionally and it feels a rather weak reason.
I see this happening so often, even with mothers who have really struggled with getting their first baby to feed, sleep etc. and yet seem hellbent on having another only a matter of months later. Just...why?

If this is you I’m not judging, just genuinely interested in what you are getting out of it.

My son is 2.5, I'm due our second in the next few weeks. For me, it was simple...I don't like the baby years and I knew if I came out of them, I'd never go back and start again. But I knew I wanted 2 children, so while I'm in the trenches, better to stay there and push through with the second and get the baby years out the way quicker.

I'm glad everyone had choices in having there kids close together. I went through fertility hell. I'm lucky to have kids at all. Age gaps really wasn't a choice I had

Their*

12 years age gap here but liked the idea of prolonging motherhood for 30 years! As DH says you get less time for murder.

I planned very small gaps and it’s been amazing. They’re the best of friends and do so much together. It’s been just great.

So they are at at similar stages and easier to entertain. Granted it's a bitch when you have a baby and a young toddler both in nappies etc.

I have three kids with less than two years between each child.
My reason for doing so was that I wanted to get the baby/ nappy stage out of the way.
Also, I wanted to reduce the length of time needed to do the school run.
It was difficult when they were younger , but I am so glad I did it this way.

I had 3 in 4 years . Easy pregnancies and births and lovely children . I wanted them to be close in age and now they are grown up they are all still close. I was lucky . I also worked and had minimum maternity leave ie 16 weeks .

Gets the difficult early years out of the way so you can move forward with other parts of your life. Also makes life easier in terms of drop offs/pick ups as shorter time for them to be in physically different places with one in nursery one in school etc. My youngest is two and lots of friends are now having their seconds with bigger gaps, I’m so pleased I’m done with the newborn stage!

Plenty of reasons. Perhaps an older Mother who can’t wait around, perhaps some sort of health condition so can’t have them later on but always wanted two. Maybe just want to get the pregnancy/baby/toddler stage over and done with rather than leaving a huge gap. Or maybe accidental pregnancy.

Who cares though really? I find huge gaps between a first and second child way more strange unless it was secondary infertility. I know someone with a son in my DD’s class (year 6) who just had a baby. 10/11 years is a huuuge gap.

We waited.. didntwant such a small gap..werent ready for another one so soon..
Then couldnt have another. Will always wonder if it was A mistake waiting 5 years

I’m younger by 18 months. My poor sister was just a baby and got ousted. She hated me her whole childhood

For us it was because I was approaching 38 so we felt we had to get on with it. Also, I found the baby stage quite hard so I really just wanted to get it over with! No regrets - yes we had a couple of intense years but then the baby/toddler stuff was all done and dusted.

'I'm not judging but'. Lol.

I wanted 2 children, hated the baby stage, wanted it over and done with, so doing it closer together made sense. They are 2 and 4 now. Life is still a bit tough but I couldn't imagine having a newborn with my 4 year old now.we just couldn't go back.

2.5 years between my two. I'd much prefer this so that the children are at similar stages. Even if they aren't "friends", they are far more likely to have common interests in toys and games as children than a set of siblings with a 5+ year gap.

I was one of three born very close together and wanted my kids to have the kind of relationship I have with my sisters and DH had a ten year ago between him and his sib and they just don't have a relationship really. So we always knew we wanted to have any kids we did have in quick succession.

THIS!!! Always felt sorry for people with big age gaps.

I can't actually think of many good reasons to have a large gap, actually. It just seems like it'd be a pain logistically and difficult to balance the different needs.

Can any of you with larger gaps explain what the good bits are?

There are 5 years between our 4 children, and it's great. They are close enough to have things in common and enjoy similar activities, and it got all the baby stuff out of the way at once.

If having a baby is so hard that you have another soon after to get it over with or you wouldn’t at all…then…why do it all?

not being goady, just genuinely curious

you see it on here a lot - people saying that if they don’t get pregnant soon after their first is born then they couldn’t bear to go back to the baby stage later on, nappies, sleepless nights etc. Want to get it over and done with. Want to get it out the way. Etc.

if it’s so hard why do it again? Why wish months of your life away? Why put yourself through it again?

Isn’t two years or so the recommended gap? I personally think it’s more strange when people choose to have big gaps between children. A friend’s elder child was 8 when the second child was born. By the time the youngest was 3, the oldest was 11 and totally disinterested in playing the games that the 3yr old wanted to. If there’d been a two year gap, they’d have played together happily.

Having children two years apart is better for the children IMO. That’s more important than getting the nappy/baby stuff out of the way. It also works out really well for school. Oldest starts school at 4+, youngest can be at nursery or home and get individual attention. Then later oldest is doing A Levels while youngest is doing GCSEs.

Yep judging by this thread and all the positives of having a smaller gap I’m wondering about the benefits if any of having a large gap? I find that harder to understand…

2 year gap was easy. No juggling school runs, lots of dog walking pushing a double buggy. I can't understand larger age gaps when people have go start again and get a baby up to take another to school but each to their own 🤷🏼‍♀️

I have 10 months and 5 days between my two. They were both born within the same calendar year in fact. I was 25 with my first and so nothing to do with my age.

Like a PP said, no big or meaningful reason. I just loved giving birth and wanted to do it again! I found it mostly really manageable and would never have changed it. I felt like we moved through stages as one rather than having to go back through it again with a second. It’s lovely once they were both fairly independent.

My two get on so well and both always been at the same stage near enough and interested in the same things which is a blessing for days out/holidays etc.

Because people can not enjoy the baby stage but enjoy the child/ teenage stage. Once mine got to 4 or so I really started to enjoy parenting. Before that it’s just a bit dull.