To wonder why so many people choose to have such a short age gap between their children?

[Lightningfast]

I hear of so many people with two children two years apart and can’t for the life of me understand why anyone would want

a. To be pregnant with a child of around only a year old
b. To have a newborn baby when the older one is still a toddler and therefore still needs support in so many really basic ways. Sure, they don’t need the same level of support as a new baby but still...

I’ve heard the ‘they will be close enough to be friends’ theory but in practice I have seen at least as many if not rather more siblings who are close in age but are not especially close emotionally and it feels a rather weak reason.
I see this happening so often, even with mothers who have really struggled with getting their first baby to feed, sleep etc. and yet seem hellbent on having another only a matter of months later. Just...why?

If this is you I’m not judging, just genuinely interested in what you are getting out of it.

Mine were 17 months apart. It was hard when they were little, but paid dividends later in. They played together all the time, and supported each other at school. In fact it was the younger one who always stuck up for the older one. Now they are adults they are still very close.

If you have one telly, and a 12yo and a 3yo... 🤷‍♀️

Life circumstances meant it was tbr best thing for us. 18months in between. Best thing we did as they now play together and have similar interests and can do the same stuff on holidays

Get it over and done with I suppose, I'd have hated to be just getting on top of things and have to start all over again. Moot point anyway, I've now got a 5 yo only child and it's too big an age gap to bother with another now.

Because it’s easier to do it all at once, and they play together beautifully (most the time). Mine are two years apart and I just can’t imagine going back to the baby stage for another. Seeing them grow together, enjoy a lot of the same things together is so much easier that friends who have a 9 year old and a toddler.

I had 15 months between first two. It was fine. I even got them having a lunchtime nap at the same time and used to read a book! I used to love taking them both to playgroups etc. I found it harder having a 4 year gap and having to cart DC3 around on school runs, nursery runs etc. When it was just the first 2 and I was on maternity leave, we could stay in pyjamas until lunchtime if we wanted to.

However nothing was harder for me than going from 0-1 child!

I wanted about 3 years between mine and ended up with 3.5. It was perfect for me as eldest got free hours at nursery so I had 3 days a week where it was just me and baby (& ddog) so like my first mat leave but I was more relaxed so enjoyed it a lot more. Then we had 2 days with both dc which dd1 really enjoyed because I normally work full time. She is one of the oldest in the year so even when I went back to work with dd2 at 10 months and dd1 4.4, they were both in the same nursery for 2 terms. I enjoyed that she was potty trained so I only had to do 1 set of nappies, she slept reliably so I only had to worry about disturbed nights with baby and she could do things for herself when I was stuck bf for hours! I had HG with dd1 and was sick with dd2 until 23 weeks but not as badly thankfully. There’s no way I could have looked after a young toddler being as ill as the first time round. However, I do think that if I hadn’t got pregnant again before dd1 started school, we wouldn’t have had another because it would have been so hard to go back to the baby/toddler phase. At 3, we hadn’t quite left it!

If it weren't for childcare costs or if I could have afforded to stay home (and been cut out for that, which I wasn't) I'd have gone for a 2-year gap. My mum recommended having kids close together to 'get it over and done with', but in the end I wanted to work and we couldn't afford two lots of childcare for long, so we planned on waiting on TTC for #2 until our oldest should be able to go around without a buggy and not have too long left until school by the time sibling would arrive (in the end there 3 years 2 months between them).

I’ve got 2 DDs 16mo apart.

Reasons
-dh was late forties me early thirties
-took ages to conceive the first so thought it’d take ages to conceive the second
-wanted to get the baby stage out the way in one (intense) stretch
-it made better financial sense for us
-my brother and I are 15mo apart and were/are still close

Pros
-intense baby toddler stage felt like “one” struggle (albeit a longer one) rather than two
-they really get on, play together constantly
-I can take them to all the same clubs, soft play etc (we do make sure they each to 1 to 1 time)
-they don’t have separate clothes or toys! There’s no point. Clothes are basically communal (my younger daughter is tall for her age).

Cons
-cost of double childcare
-intense sleep deprivation
-it can be hard to give them both attention simultaneously… but you kind of get used to juggling that, and it’s got a lot easier (they’re now 3 and just-5).

We knew we wanted more than one so just got on with it and was v fortunate to get pregnant very quickly. 20 month gap and when DD2 was born I did have a moment of realisation that I now had two kids in nappies! However, they are so close and share friends and support each other and played together endlessly, the small gap was worth it.

My children are 2 years and 6 days difference

weird post but they are the best of friends. If one goes away I don’t hear the end of it from the other as to how much they miss their sibling!!!! They’ll phone each other constantly if they’re not beer each others

its absolutely wonderful and I wouldn’t want it any other way

my stepsister beats that out the park by having children 7 months apart. Yes genetic siblings. One was born at 31 weeks and she got pregnant 2 weeks after giving birth…..

Yes, I agree with this. Despite having a really hard time with the first and sleep, I got pregnant again when he was about 18 months old, without giving it loads of thought, perhaps recklessly. I was also worried about struggling to conceive as I was 39 but actually got pregnant easily. A 2 to 3 year age gap seemed natural to me because that's what I come from, too.

A good friend has a five year gap - ages 6 and 1. She's already struggling to meet their different 'interests'. A cinema trip at the weekend for instance is complicated by the baby. Also, for her, that's 10 years of p/t working. A big kick for careers and pensions etc.

We have an 18month gap. Our boys are super close which is lovely. I did want a small age gap anyway and we decided to go for it because dc1 was an easy baby! Dc2 is... not as easy.
We wanted 3, all close together. Dc2 is almost 4 and we haven't yet made the leap to having a 3rd!

What's the theory behind this?

I have a just under two years gap; DC1 is a girl and DC2 a boy. They do argue occasionally, but are generally the best of friends 😊

Mine are 19 months apart (planned) and it worked for us, I like them both being at similar life stages personally. They're 9 and 8 now and get in great and enjoy a lot of the same activities.

I had my first at 31. I wanted three so I knew I didn’t have much time biologically speaking. I didn’t really want to have a baby much past 35. Had my third at 36.
I found it hard but then there are a lot of pluses. Holidays and activities mostly cater to all of them. Friend with bigger gaps struggle to find things to do that keep the older and younger ones happy. Even I struggle with this sometimes so I definitely wouldn’t want a bigger gap.

You know how of you admit to other offences, the judge lets your sentences run concurrently? Well it’s like that.

For me it was deffo a case of “in for a penny, in for a pound” on the pre- school years. I had a nanny so childcare actually cheaper with a small gap than a big one. And practically, a small gap makes a lot of sense as things are age appropriate for both of them for most of the time ( currently waiting for dd to catch up height on go ape, but still). Mine are 1 school year apart and while there is a lot of fighting, they have the same cultural context which makes for lots of laughs. My dsis and I are the same- remember all the same kids at school and teachers and stuff that happened.

I’ve always imagined it was to get all the baby years out of the way at once. Although I have a larger age gap which works for my family, I understand the wish to want to get the nursery stuff, prams, nappies stage out of the way.

However, I’ve never understood the ‘because they’ll be best friends’ rationale at all. Friendship is down to personalities not age. ‘D’B1 and are are 18 months apart and NC. DB2 and I are 5 years apart and are close.

Some people also seem to forget children age and as they do the gap will seem relatively smaller. Yes they may not be able to go on the same ride at Legoland with a 4+ age gap during pre-school and primary years, but this is a tiny phase of their lives.

Mine are 14 months apart, which was exactly what I wanted. There's big age gaps between me and my DBs (4 years and 10 years), and I always wanted mine close together. I do think it makes things easier - they grow up together and can do the same things to such a great extent.
(And it's gorgeous the way my just 2 year old tries to care for her 10 mo sister.)

I had a 6 month old when I got pregnant with my second.
I wanted them to be as close in age (15 months) as myself and my sister.
I wanted them to enjoy the same activities
I wanted to get maternity leave over in one chunk so I could focus on work.
I wanted to get both pregnancies done so I could get my body and health back
I wanted both to go to school at roughly the same time (one year above the youngest)

They're 4 and 5 now and it's brilliant.

I had 4 in 5 years and it was the best time of my life! I loved having babies and toddlers together! I miss those times every day ❤️

Horses for courses and all that.

Sometimes I wish that I had spaced them out more (although didn’t have much choice as I did have twins) but that’s only because I’d love to still have babies now. They are super close, like to do the same things at weekends and so on so can’t really see any drawbacks (ask my again when I have had 8 years of exams and they’ve all left me with an empty nest 😭😭😭)

It’s one of the best decisions we made (ours are 2 years and 3 weeks apart). It took years to get pregnant with dc1. We didn’t want a massive gap so decided to start trying again (and got pregnant immediately). Dc1 and Dc2 are now 7 and 9, best friends and I’m so glad the baby stage is over and I have 2 lovely children to enjoy. I had postnatal depression with both and absolutely couldn’t go through the baby stages again.

We have 3 DC aged 8y, 5y 8 months and 3y 6 months. We didn't have DS1 until we were 35 and were only going to have 2. Thought it would take longer to get pregnant but it didn't. When we decided we wanted number 3 I was 39 so we had to get on with it but it happened quickly again. I have been sahm since DS1 came along and they have all gone to nursery part-time.

I always thought 2 years was the ideal. Big gaps seem odd to me.
Going back to the baby stage when you have a five year old. God no.

different folks

MNers only belong to the 60%, of course, as do every single one of their children. However...

given that 40% of population are result of unplanned pregnancy (nb, unplanned != unwanted), then of course many 'close togethers' weren't planned so. Just worked out that way.