To wonder why so many people choose to have such a short age gap between their children?

[Lightningfast]

I hear of so many people with two children two years apart and can’t for the life of me understand why anyone would want

a. To be pregnant with a child of around only a year old
b. To have a newborn baby when the older one is still a toddler and therefore still needs support in so many really basic ways. Sure, they don’t need the same level of support as a new baby but still...

I’ve heard the ‘they will be close enough to be friends’ theory but in practice I have seen at least as many if not rather more siblings who are close in age but are not especially close emotionally and it feels a rather weak reason.
I see this happening so often, even with mothers who have really struggled with getting their first baby to feed, sleep etc. and yet seem hellbent on having another only a matter of months later. Just...why?

If this is you I’m not judging, just genuinely interested in what you are getting out of it.

I have a 3.5 yr gap. I could t even entertain the idea until at least 2.5 and then It happened on the first try.

My gaps are 18m, 30m and 22m, would have been shorter but I lost a baby between 2 and 3. I loved having them all close together, I used to say if you are changing one nappy you might as well change 2. It was chaos for a good few years but they are all teenagers now and all incredibly close.

like everything in life there are pros and cons to small gaps and large gaps

@Lightningfast

What's the age difference between yours?

My dd had 15 months between her two - not by design, just left to nature. They get on very well, played together very early on, enjoy a lot of the same activities, often cuddled up together in the same bed. Obviously hard work at first, but amply compensated for afterwards.

Also you never know how long it will take to get pregnant.

I loved being off with first, couldn't wait to have second!!

Ended up with 2yr 8m gap (longer than i wanted but short enough), i love it, they are really close.

Because I had seen people with children far apart in age struggle to find things they could all do together on days out or holidays.

I have 7 years between 1&2 and 14 months between 2 & 3. Having a newborn and a 1 year old was hard but I can’t imagine it was any harder than having a newborn and a 3 or 4 year old. I mean at 3/4 years old they still need a lot of interaction and supervision. I can’t see the difference really.

Mine are 2 years 7 months apart, I was not ready to even consider pregnancy until the eldest was approaching 2 and got pregnant right away again. I know it wasn’t that small a gap really but I did still have 2 in nappies and I felt that having another baby made me sometimes impatient with my eldest not being more grown up, forgetting he was little more than a baby himself. I think at least 3 years would have been better for mw, but it’s fine now. 2 school years apart at school is good

Agree with this! Why would you prolong the really hard bits

We aimed for around 2 years and not because of fertility or age or economics or overwhelming broodiness. There are lots of nice, positive things about having 2 kids close in age. I'm sure there are lots of great things about bigger gaps too, but that's not what we wanted if we could choose, and luckily for us we could.

😂😂😂 I could have created this thread. I have my theories.

I especially left a 3 year gap to have a second so I wouldn't have 2 babies together........and then it was twins! Someone up there had a good laugh on me 😂

Just seen responses. Fuck planning. ‘September babies’ 😂

I had three babies within 11 months. (3 under one, or Irish triplets as we call them!)

For me, having a baby is really restrictive to other things in life. Career progression, travel, socialising, and generally there is a lack of freedom with younger children. Especially for those breast feeding. As children get older, you start to get these things back again.

I enjoyed having babies but I wouldn’t want to go back to that baby stage again so I can see why people chose to have their children close together. As much as it’s wonderful at the time. There’s so much more joy I get as my family grows.

Ps....ending up with 3 aged 3 and under, I'm as flabbergasted as you OP, if not more, as to why anyone would do that on purpose!!

2 year gap with mine. Some of the reasons: I wanted to use mat leave for 2nd to spend more time with 1st too, before school. I didn't want a big gap between stages - for example wanted holidays to be suitable for both, or days out that they're both interested in. I really didn't enjoy baby stage. But I know I wanted 2 kids, so I sort of wanted to get the baby but out the way. I wanted to have no. 2 while I still wasn't sleeping through. I wanted the kids to be close in age so they grew up close. I've seen so many kids with big age gaps, where it was like they didn't even grow up in the same house, including my DH and his sibling who is 8 years younger. It's more like uncle nephew relationship. My kids have played with each other all of their lives. It's not a guarantee they'll be close for ever, but they've always had each other to play with and it was important to me as I don't have much family.

I have a 5 year old, 4 year old and a 1 year old. It's been incredible. We went with our instincts as to when the time was right.

I had a 2 year career break (still formally employed) then final maternity leave and now back to work part time.

My children all have individual one on one time with myself and my husband each day and love each other so much. They are all bright, fun and happy kids.

Big age gap here. Mainly because of birth trauma/PND so couldn’t even consider having a second till around 5 years later. It’s worked out so well, they get on brilliantly, adore each other. Plus got to spend a lot of 1 to 1 time with each of them.

So many factors involved, but there does seem to be pressure to have babies close together. I think unless you are ready physically and emotionally there’s no harm in having a bigger age gap. Although with women waiting till they are older to start families there is the ticking fertility clock.

There's 15 months between mine which means my first was 6 months old when I got pregnant again.

It wasn't a decision.

We were chronically sleep deprived, I could never remember whether I'd taken my pill or not and tbh neither of us could even remember having the sex so the pregnancy was quite a surprise. 🤣

My children are 22 months apart, it was hard when they were both basically still babies at the same time, but it definitely made the later years easier. Financially it got the maternity leave and paying dor childcare out of the way as quickly as possible. It also meant the amount of time having the house full of baby equipment, and particularly annoying toys was condensed. We did a lot of walking and cycling as a family Having kids of similar ages and levels of stamina made these interests at lot easier. You also have several years of using the same schools, after school provision etc which can be less stressful. . Maybe I'm lucky but now they are in the older teenage years they get on really well .

I had IVF later in life and got twins first time round. Went back for the last frozen embryo when they were 18 months, but sadly it didn't take. With hindsight probably for the best, as 2 children are much easier than three for hotel rooms, car seats etc - plus DS was diagnosed with ASD and ADHD a year or two later, and an extra child would have been more of a challenge, perhaps. But I'm sure we'd have coped.

In principle I was all for having lots and close together. My Mum had four under 5 and fostered another while my father was away in the forces. That is obviously bonkers, but I loved that we were all so close growing up (although of course we fought and argued like all siblings).

My preference would be do it all in one hit then move to the next stage - but we're all different. I can't imagine going back to nappies or weaning once I'd moved on.....

A friend has 4 and spread them so there were 5 or 6 years between each, so one would have started school before she had the next. Obviously she married young - but I can also see the advantages of that approach. And I did miss the little years once mine got older - I suppose if you spread them you keep getting the range and going to nativities etc.

Each to their own......

I have just had my second with an age gap of around two years. My reasons were:

-They will both be able to enjoy the same activities/holidays/days out for a long time (neither will need to go to tag along to lots of things they are too old or young for).

-The older child won’t remember being an only child, having a sibling will be both of their normal.

-I’m already in mum of little kid mode. My second newborn feels really easy because I’ve only just done it and I’m up to date with all the advice etc.

-they will become adults around the same time and (hopefully) neither will feel left behind when their sibling goes to uni/travelling/moves into their own house (this might be niche worry but my best friends little sister was only 7 when she went to uni and used to ring her crying. This really stuck with me for some reason).

-we are in a good financial position and I would rather take a few years off of working in one go, rather than go back to leave again.

-I have the same age gap with my sister and love it

It wasn't the plan! Ours were 19 months apart. We needed ivf first time and our second was a natural surprise. It was hard in the early days but once both at school much easier. They are just 1 school year apart and after going to separate high schools are now back together at sixth form for this year although they are chalk and cheese and barely cross paths.

Two year age gap, because it took a long time and a lot of sadness before we had our first. So we didn’t use any contraception thinking it would take a long time, but we were delighted and surprised when found out I was pregnant with second.