To wonder why so many people choose to have such a short age gap between their children?

[Lightningfast]

I hear of so many people with two children two years apart and can’t for the life of me understand why anyone would want

a. To be pregnant with a child of around only a year old
b. To have a newborn baby when the older one is still a toddler and therefore still needs support in so many really basic ways. Sure, they don’t need the same level of support as a new baby but still...

I’ve heard the ‘they will be close enough to be friends’ theory but in practice I have seen at least as many if not rather more siblings who are close in age but are not especially close emotionally and it feels a rather weak reason.
I see this happening so often, even with mothers who have really struggled with getting their first baby to feed, sleep etc. and yet seem hellbent on having another only a matter of months later. Just...why?

If this is you I’m not judging, just genuinely interested in what you are getting out of it.

I had 3 in 4.5 years. Can't really explain it myself. I was insanely desperate for me, like some sort of baby vampire. I actually hated the baby stage, so it makes no sense!!

For one. Not for me. Although maybe it is a selfish impulse!

More. Not one. Aaargh.

I used to wonder this too, when I just had DC1 and DC2 with a 4-year age gap between them. DC1 was a delight when DC2 arrived - so caring and helpful, and old enough to articulate her feelings about no longer being the sole focus of her parents' attention. The gap between DC2 and DC3 was smaller at 3 years, and DC2 coped fairly well with the new family dynamic but there were still quite a few tantrums. But that was nothing compared to how DC3 reacted when DC4 was born just 19 months later, and that made me also wonder about the preference for small age gaps. Having seen it from both sides, I can honestly say that the smallest gap was by far the most difficult - or maybe it was just that I was older and more frazzled! 🤔😂

Everyone is different OP. Do what suits you. Similarly aged children will generally have similar needs and interests. Easier to do an activity / outing that suits a 3 year old and a 5 year old than a 3 year old and a 13 year old. Also gets that stage done in a shorter period so you can start doing really fun stuff together. Mine are two years apart and yes those early years were super hard but wouldn’t change it. Why do you ask OP? Do you have one and thinking of another? Or no kids? Or big age gap?

This. I'd have happily got pregnant again straight away.

Each to their own
Tbh, you don’t really need to understand why anyone else chooses to live their lives they do.
I have 5 kids. Three of them were born within 2 1/2 years, and I already had a five yr old when the next one was born, so I was juggling school runs with three babies, working unsocial hours, running toddler groups, volunteering for everything going, at the school etc, and I loved every single minute of it. My youngest, was born 7 years behind the next youngest, and it was a whole different experience. It was almost like having an only child again, as the others were all at school, and I loved every single minute of it.

Now, I watch them all, mostly grown up, and they are as different as can be, and close as I could wish for at the same time. They don’t always agree, but they all have each other’s backs, and I hope/ think they always will.

It’s easier than having a sizeable gap, because I’ve done both (3 DC’s) and going back to sleepless nights after a few years “off” is a killer! But each to their own…

We had a three year gap, it has worked ok. I would probably have gone smaller as definite can see the appeal of getting the baby stage out the way. Had to save up for both maternity leaves through as I’m the higher earner so couldn’t really do it any sooner. I personally wouldn’t have chosen to leave it any longer as I think I would have found it really hard to go back to any stage.

There's pluses and minuses to all family planning decisions but here's some suggestions of potential benefits to some families
Wanting to 'condense' the 'very dependant' stage of child rearing
Not wanting to bring a new sibling in just as older is getting 'pushed out' to school
Fertility issues. Older mums not nowing how long it'll take or anticipating problems conceiving/carrying
Needing the kids to share a bedroom for some time
It worked for you and your siblings
It wasn't planned

I'm sure there's plenty more

Another vote in favour of small age gaps. The kids all get on really well - 18mth to 2 year gaps mostly - they do things together, have shared interests etc. There's one wider age gap and it's been much more difficult to organise around.

There are advantages and disadvantages of short and longer game gaps. Different people will have different circumstances and will therefore see things differently to you.

I have a short age gap. I find it difficult to understand why people would choose a larger age gap. But as those people are not me and their choice has no bearing on my life, I don’t really care what they do lol!

Dc1 took a year of trying. Was expecting dc2 to be the same so planned a 3 year age gap but got pregnant first try. Was hard at the beginning but so worth it now they are teens.

2 year age gap-sleepless nights are constrained into a relatively short space of time, house is full of baby stuff a short space of time, you can move on from buggies, nappies, all the paraphernalia that goes along with small children in a relatively short space of time, both kids happy going to soft play for a couple of years/have similar interests and do actually
play nicely together once the younger one learns to share

Only had one, husband left when baby was 7 months old and then never paid any child support and things were not good. Had other relationships but never ever wanted another child, those years on my own with a little child, being poor, being exhausted really took its toll. I look back and think that I was not a good mother, it was about surviving not living. I also found childbirth deeply traumatic and took over a year to heal. Never wanted another, I adored my child but no, could not ever have done it again. I have a couple of single parent mates with one child who feel the same, we love our kids but life is complicated enough with just one child. Of course I wonder about the way the lack of sibling(s) affected my child but nothing in this life is ideal.

Maternity leave when the elder one is pre-school age. Shorter time period for when your career is disrupted. The baby stage with buggies, nappies sleepless nights etc is concentrated into a shorter period of time.

This

I personally think the age of the mother is a lot to do with it. Many of us don’t have time to hang around.

17 mths between my kids. Lots of reasons.

I was late 30s and really wanted a 2nd child. Didn’t want to risk that for the sake of some ‘perfect’ age gap that doesn’t exist.

I grew up with siblings 4 & 6 yrs older and I hated it, so wanted the opposite for my family.

Saw so much jealousy between siblings that were around 3 years apart. Toddlers regressing or being aggressive to the baby. We didn’t have a minute of jealousy with DC1.

Did the baby stage all at once with cots, nappies etc. DC2 toilet trained, gave up bottles etc very easily as was emulating sibling.

Took a block of time off work to be a SAHM for both kids at once before they started school.

Never feel jaded/bored of certain stages by the time the youngest gets there which i clearly remember my mum doing.

I found pregnancy easy and DC1 was a dream child so adding a second was not daunting.

Holidays have always been fantastic as kids are at same stage in life - enjoying theme parks etc. Haven’t had to drag one around while the other enjoys themselves. Again a very strong memory from my childhood.

Ultimately it’s personal choice. When my kids were at school there were several mums who got pregnant with a 3rd after their 2nd started school. I felt like I couldn’t think of anything worse at that stage. But they were happy so who am I to question it?

I wish I could have smaller age gaps but due to fertility issues my children are 17, 8 and 1. It’s difficult to think of things we can all do together because their needs are so different. We had to buy most things again because safety regulations change rapidly, eg car seats and cribs, and it means I had a point where I was navigating 2 different schools 3 times a day. We would love another baby so are ttc now, so there is a possibly I might end up with 2 under 2 but it’s highly unlikely. Chances are there will be no more as I’m 39 now and last time it took 5 years to conceive.

This was me. Plenty of 'child bearing' years left but wanted it all done quite quickly. It was tough when they were little but I had a husband who equally pulled his weight and it made everything so much easier as they all had similar interests, so all enjoyed doing the same things.

They're all older teens now and still great friends. Long may it remain that way!

@Lightningfast I'm one of those people .
To be honest, I had no idea that I would fall pregnant again so soon after my first as I was still breastfeeding. Anyway,
I conveived exactly 3 months after giving birth. I know it was this particular date as partner was working away and this date was the first time we had sex since the birth!
I started feeling weird within a week and did a test - negative (too early). But, a week later - positive.
Due date was to be my DDs first birthday but DS came two weeks early, thank heavens. There is no doubt that the combination of living in a new town a long way from home so no family support and partner working away a lot of time meant second pregnancy was hard. With hindsight I would have left it a year at least. Once they were both walking and mobile things got a lot easier and we moved when DS was 4 months old so partner did not have to work away again and could be a family together.
They're 28 and 29 now and, on the whole I have no regrets. The thing is, we can never know WHEN we will conveive, it is all down to chance. I had the depo provera contraceptive injection for years afterwards as I was so worried about getting pregnant again. Two was enough!

🙋‍♀️Struggling to get my 9 month old to sleep, is super full on and we're TTC. Main reason is I'm 40 and want 2 children, I think not trying would risk potentially never having a 2nd.

To get it out of the way. I was 26 and 28 so not old.

I wanted small age gaps between mine. I loved it when they were babies/toddlers and I still love it now. Mine are now 10, 9, 7 and 6. They went to nursery together and now all are at the same primary school, so I think it’s easier than bigger age gaps and having them spread across different schools. They are the best of friends, enjoy each others company, have similar interests. I’m the opposite, would never want big age gaps between children.