Stay Grey or Colour Again?

[Sunnydaysareontheirway]

I've spent a year growing out my colour. I'm 50 and am now almost grey all over, and its getting me down as I look like a wild old scary witch.

I left an abusive relationship over Covid and have noticed I've been ignored and avoided by quite a lot of the parents at my childs school. I sort of it get it, people feel awkward with abuse and that's just the way the world works. He's taken over the friendships we had as a couple. So im feeling a bit down about that and unconfidant in myself post relationship too.

But then my other child has just started reception and I thought maybe I could make some new friends but I just feel SO old.... SO, I'm wondering whether its my grey hair that's putting people off, they were friendly at first but they had a lot of meetups in the evenings before Christmas and as a single parent I couldnt go - no money for babysitters and have kids full time. Or maybe they could think I'm an older confidant mum with a child in an older class and so wouldn't fit into their friendship group....

I was brunette a long time ago, had highlights in my 30s to cover greys and then gradually had my roots done more regularly and by the time I hit 50, although I never had an all over full colour job done my hair was all over dyed. Realised I was spending a fortune in time and money on having my roots done monthly but they were showing fortnightly so then had all the faff of spraying the roots and covering up the grey. OMG what a bloody faff.

Decided to grow it out and I am almost white at the front and its darker at the back. So its not a glamorous type of grey hair. My hair is also pretty unkempt in its style, wild, I'm half Italian so it has a life of its own, bit wirey, never looks tidy. Because of my heritage I look quite young for my age, skinwise, but now my hair is grey I can look like an old scary witch, and that's on a good day....

Question is:
Should I just dye it back and feel like ME again?

What are other people's experiences?
I do enjoy not having to go to the hairdressers as much and the expense but I just don't feel like me. At first it felt liberating but now I just feel old and like Im on a downward slope to old age....maybe I should colour again and do the whole grey thing when I've got my life back on track and have made some friends again..

Your ex partner sounds abusive and dangerous and is likely the reason for your experiencing hostility/avoidance from your former friends, I very much doubt it's due to your grey hair. I've personally never looked at anyone and think "I'm not going to speak to them because their hair is grey". But on the other hand, this is something that is clearly personal to you so I think if you don't do it it will continue to gnaw at you. So my advice is: Do it if you want, but only for yourself, not anyone else. ❤

My sister was happy with her grey coming through, so I thought I'd do the same. Hers is interesting though, mine was the witchy type! My kids asked if I'd colour it again, so I did. :-) I do prefer it.
I would echo the above post - decide for yourself which you'd prefer, for no other reason than that.

my hairdresser suggested i stop colouring my hair. I love my grey. It is slowly turning silver and that's even better.

What you may need is a really good cut and some treatments though, so it's less scary witch and more glossy and sleek?

It sounds as though your confidence is dented? maybe, slowly and steadily work on that? standing up straight, smiling and having brushed hair makes all the difference to how you feel about yourself.

I’d spend the money on a great cutand style and the best products money can buy.

if you still don’t like it after 6 months then you can colour it. But grey roots are reeeeeally noticeable. YouTube some tips on makeup for over 50. Or pop into Sephora and get one of the assistants to help you.

im 54 and went grey 10 years ago. I’d never go back to all that expense and hassle!

Maybe you could try a cut that’s easy to manage and spend 5 minutes each day styling it. If you still don’t feel
happy with your then think about putting in some colour. Do you wear make up if so you could find some colours that suit grey hair or some nice earrings etc.
Are there any other parents who stand on their own, if so maybe stand near them, smile and say hello.

Can you put in a rose gold tint or a violet that wash out after however many washes while you decide?

Why don't you try a good cut and style and do lots of home treatments and see how you feel. It may look a lot better to you if it's styled

Good luck.

I started going gray at 17 so have been colouring it for decades. I'm 60 now and a few contemporaries have gone natural. It adds a decade to them unless they are very canny dressers - it seems to work if you have a rock chick look. I'd look like a frump.

Go to the hairdressers they can discuss options with you definitely a good cut and conditioning treatment will make you feel a lot better. They may also suggest a toning treatment (to even out the colour).

If you can afford it I would also buy some nice new clothes. Also be kind to yourself.

I started to let my hair go grey well before lockdown by going lighter. I am not Italian but I do have wavy hair. When the grey first came through more it was patchy I hated it and felt really old. But I have had it cut, conditioned (always make sure I use a decent shampoo and conditioner at home) and I love it now (most days) and also receive lots of compliments. I hardly ever wore make up before but I feel a little really brightens me up otherwise I can look and feel quite deathly/ghostly. When I look at old photos of myself the colour looked quite false/fake and unnatural. Give it another couple of months and see how you feel.

I went grey at 52, post cancer, I then managed to develop breast cancer and lost my hair, I now have a funky asymmetrical haircut that I didn’t have the nerve to have in the 80’s, purple shampoo every day, is the way to go.

I feel great and I was complimented on my hair yesterday in Marks, I said thank you, better to do it at 59 than not at all.

The complimenter said let me tell you, you don’t look 59.

So in essence a sharp haircut and purple shampoo appears to be the answer.😂

I agree with this.

Try a shorter and really tidy cut first I think. Not necessarily short short but shorter and more in control.

The problem with dying dark hair is that re-growth shows so fast and I think the white stripe down the centre of your head look is the worst option.

Should I just dye it back and feel like ME again?

If that's what you need to do to feel like you, and you want to, then yes.

It is generally thought that as you age you fade as well. Hair goes grey, eyebrows and lips get thinner. A very old piece of advice is to always wear a colour close to your face that flatters you. Easiest to do this with a scarf. Sometimes you need to brighten up your face, so lipstick becomes more important.

Im happy going grey, the front is lighter than the back. I’ve thought about those silverising shampoos but not tried them yet. When I was younger it was common to see older ladies with what was called a blue-rinse, maybe they just did it for fun.

I prefer to dress a little quirky (I’m a hippie at heart) than colour my hair again.

I have blonde hi-lights with a slightly darker background, I have never been tempted to go grey and doubt I ever will, all of my peer group colour their hair and look great.
Until the youngest of us, who used to have shoulder length darkish hair decided to go grey and shorter cut over lockdown, I can’t tell you how much older and washed out it has made her look.

I would rather have the hassle of covering roots for ever myself.

Try getting a good cut first and using some toning shampoo to bring out the silver. I love my silver hair, its so vibrant and I get compliments. I use OGX shampoo.

That's a good point actually about grey roots.. I posted earlier, but my hair is blonde with silver roots, so they aren't as noticeable as with darker hair..

@unsync do you mind sharing which OGX you use? I'd be interested to try on my long curly (but dry) silver hair.

Sure, this one.

I’m used to dying my own hair and if it were me I would use a toner as suggested by pp or a wash out/ semi permanent colour, perhaps a pastel colour or a pink or purple if it suits your style. It’s really easy to apply an all over colour at home.

Thanks @unsync I'll give that a try when my current Fudge one runs out.

You probably don’t want to, but if you posted a photo we could give better advice!

i really don’t think people are avoiding you because of your grey hair tbh.

Rose gold is a lot of up keep and can be expensive if your hair isn't taking to box dyes. I use a Belle Color home dye. I'm mid brunette but chose a blonde shade and my grey come through like highlights. I have to do my hair fortnightly and it's the only way I can afford to cover my grey. I use John Frieda Brazilian range and get a good cut regularly. It's made me feel a lot better about myself. I tint my eyebrows with Eylure and take care of my nails.

I went grey at 50 after 20 years of dyeing it to my natural (also half Italian) colour . At first I felt exactly the same as you . I'd always felt my very dark hair defined me but I persevered and recently was sent a photo of my wedding day and now I can't believe I ever thought colouring it so dark was flattering. Mine is also unruly but over the years it's become more silvery and I absolutely love it now . I get compliments ever so often. It's now mid back length and as long as I keep on top of the cut which I definitely feel you do need to j feel great . Everyone I knew was horrified when I said I was going to grow it out but now I think they'd beg me not to colour it again. However if it made me unhappy I would .

I’m 43 and if I didn’t dye my hair, going from the band of white that grows all over if I leave it too long, I’d be totally grey.

I have no intention of EVER going grey. So many people I know did over lockdown and it’s aged all of them so much.

Even if I live to 95, I am going in the ground with dyed dark brown hair.

Your ex sounds like an arsehole who has tried to manipulate these people. I would be astonished if grey hair had anything to do with it.

I have to say I admire people who have the balls to go grey or white because I think unless your hair is naturally sleek and you have a very even skin tone it is hard to pull off and almost always very ageing. A lot of people don’t care about that and almost embrace it and more power to them but I wouldn’t enjoy embracing a look which is associated with being old.

My mum allowed her grey to come through at the age of 40 (think it was a bit of a feminist statement) but it really didn’t suit her and I always thought she looked much older than she needed to.

But it is a faff.