Stay Grey or Colour Again?

[Sunnydaysareontheirway]

I've spent a year growing out my colour. I'm 50 and am now almost grey all over, and its getting me down as I look like a wild old scary witch.

I left an abusive relationship over Covid and have noticed I've been ignored and avoided by quite a lot of the parents at my childs school. I sort of it get it, people feel awkward with abuse and that's just the way the world works. He's taken over the friendships we had as a couple. So im feeling a bit down about that and unconfidant in myself post relationship too.

But then my other child has just started reception and I thought maybe I could make some new friends but I just feel SO old.... SO, I'm wondering whether its my grey hair that's putting people off, they were friendly at first but they had a lot of meetups in the evenings before Christmas and as a single parent I couldnt go - no money for babysitters and have kids full time. Or maybe they could think I'm an older confidant mum with a child in an older class and so wouldn't fit into their friendship group....

I was brunette a long time ago, had highlights in my 30s to cover greys and then gradually had my roots done more regularly and by the time I hit 50, although I never had an all over full colour job done my hair was all over dyed. Realised I was spending a fortune in time and money on having my roots done monthly but they were showing fortnightly so then had all the faff of spraying the roots and covering up the grey. OMG what a bloody faff.

Decided to grow it out and I am almost white at the front and its darker at the back. So its not a glamorous type of grey hair. My hair is also pretty unkempt in its style, wild, I'm half Italian so it has a life of its own, bit wirey, never looks tidy. Because of my heritage I look quite young for my age, skinwise, but now my hair is grey I can look like an old scary witch, and that's on a good day....

Question is:
Should I just dye it back and feel like ME again?

What are other people's experiences?
I do enjoy not having to go to the hairdressers as much and the expense but I just don't feel like me. At first it felt liberating but now I just feel old and like Im on a downward slope to old age....maybe I should colour again and do the whole grey thing when I've got my life back on track and have made some friends again..

I loathed getting my hair coloured and it was so much easier to go with nature, but be sure to get a good hair cut. I think that matters more than the colour iyswim

*Sometimes you need to brighten up your face, so lipstick becomes more important^
Odd how nobody tells men crap like this, @Toomanysleepycats
@Sunnydaysareontheirway ‘scary witch’? Because people your hair is grey? Really?

If you want to dye your hair make sure it’s what you want to do. I stopped using dye during covid and have never looked back. Few things to think about though,
use a really good silver shampoo & conditioner
if your eyebrows are pale consider dying them to add definition to your face
wear a strong coloured lipstick
most important, to avoid the frizzy look use a serum every day
Whatever you choose embrace it

I coloured my hair until I was 70, and then took advantage of lockdown to grow it out, so I'm all grey now and going white at the front. The problem with colouring as you get older is that your face basically doesn't match the hair colour, and it gets more obvious the older you get. I do pay a good hairdresser every six weeks for a good cut and I use hair products to keep it silkier, because grey hair can easily go wiry.

@PuppyMonkey, your hair is beautiful. You look absolutely lovely.

I am 64 and will never, ever stop dyeing my hair, at present to a brown shade, admittedly somewhat lighter than my natural colour. It doesn’t have to look completely unnatural, a good hairdresser will advise on what colour/ combination of colours is best.
My own opinion is that grey/ white hair ages people, but each to their own. If I ever get tired of my brown shade, I’ll be going pink. No intention of going out quietly here!

Thanks for the comments on mine i think people should do whatever they feel comfortable with and FYI who said those of us who’ve decided to go grey are going anywhere “quietly”?

Even if we did, who says quietly is bad?

I was a pandemic cliché and allowed my grey to grow out after years of dyeing. My hair was almost black, but started to go grey when I was 19. I was 53 when I started growing out the dye. My youngest was 8 and I did slightly worry that he would get asked if his granny was picking him up from school (while understanding that I'm more than old enough to be his granny anyway!) But I let it grow and am very, very happy with it. I have been pleasantly surprised by people's reactions. The funniest thing is though, my son came home from school last week and informed me I was the oldest mum in his class (yeah, I think I knew that!) but he said his friends couldn't believe what age I was and said I didn't look it🤣 I was weirdly flattered that a bunch of 10 year olds didn't think I looked my age, even with my grey hair. I can't help but wonder what other stuff they discuss🤔

Style wise, mine generally looks quite like Vicliz24's upthread (her colour is much nicer than mine though), but I have been straightening it for the last week or so for a bit of a change.

If you feel old with grey hair, no amount of "natural is best" will do. I'm 51 and grey all over as I take after my father who turned all grey in his 20s. It took me longer but I'm there now.
I started colouring my hair in my 20s but initially I was using various browns and reds. Obviously, I had all the hassle of roots showing etc. But in my 30s I was persuaded to go blonde and I have never gone back to darker colours.

Blonde is ideal because it blends in and roots don't show that much. Your natural darker hair gets highlighted, which makes blonde look even more natural.
There are so many shades of blonde out there that you'll find the shade eventually. It's great fun going from icy Scandinavian to honey warm summer tones. The first time I went to a hairdressers to do it as my hair was dark but from then on I've been dyeing it at home.

Good luck!

Your contemporaries maybe had a tough paper round as I don’t know anyone who has let their greys grow out and it’s aged them 10 years.

At 44 I love my witchy grey hair! But you have to do what's right for you and it sounds like dying it will give you a confidence boost.

If you don't want to go back to spending money at the hairdresser's the last thing you want to do it get a "sharp cut". That will lock you into going to the hairdressers, and probably require styling to keep looking... sharp!

I say embrace the witch! But put a semipermanent dye through yourself. There are lots of lovely colours. If it's long, it can be overwhelming the first time you do it, but it is pretty idiot proof so long as you set your area up and prepare yourself for it and read the instructions. My hair is long and I get much better results dying it myself than I did at any hairdressers over the last few years. There are YouTube videos on how to trim the ends of long hair in various ways, also.

Sounds like you've had a real shitter of a time.

Hair wise, first thing I'd advise is buy K18 hair mask, it's a bit pricey but works miracles with the condition of your hair (I've used it once and had the teenagers I work with quizzing me as to what I've done differently with my hair!)

Secondly, if you do choose to colour take care to choose a flattering shade. Hair dyed too dark is really aging, much better to choose a lighter shade. This also helps with re growth as it's less noticeable

Finally before you colour maybe have an experiment with style, go for something contemporary/cool girl hair.

Ultimately though you need to do whatever makes you happy as that's the most important thing

Thanks a lot for all the helpful insights and comments. X

I’m growing my greys too and just had a cut that was not done well so I’m a bit down. However I don’t plan to colour again.

My plans are to: invest in better haircuts and treatments. I have very curly hair so thinking hard about brazilian blowdry or other straightaning method as it will look more chic for my age - nearly 46.

I also want to treat my face and hands better, have my nails always look nice, play a little more with make up and use more interesting clothes to not look frumpy.

Thank you for all the contributions - think Ive decided I'm going to go back to colour. I can always do my own roots, probably won't go for a block, more a lightening of the lot - brown all over, and then maintain with highlights

Sounds like that’s a good option
I decided at the end of last year I wanted to stop having my dark brown hair dyed as it had got to needing to be done every 3 weeks. It’s coming through white and I’m having the blending someone upthread mentioned to soften the badger effect. This is only being done every couple of months which I can live with.
I know I am looking older with it but then I am older and actually I don’t equate looking older with looking worse

It is nearly always ageing. Very occasionally it isn't and when it isn't it requires constant upkeep. It absolutely needs to be cut and styled every 6 weeks. It needs toning shampoo. It needs to be washed and styled all the time. It's unbelievable faff. And that's if you are one of the very, very few people who it doesn't age. If you are one of the majority, it's just faff to look older than you otherwise could.

I'm not massively grey but I do have a thick streak of it right to the front, where I part my hair. To avoid roots, once a month I mix up 1/3 of a box of semi-permant dye, several shades lighter than my dark hair and rub it into the roots of my hair. Then after half an hour I wash it out. I wash my hair weekly. Cut it myself, maybe 3 times a year. I usually brush it every day, more than once on windy days. It always looks really nice, takes about 8 minutes of care a week. And it's definitely not ageing.

Andie MacDowell looks incredible with her grey locks. She’s 64. Perhaps if she coloured her hair she’d look younger, maybe I would, too. But I don’t want to look younger more than I want to save 3 hours and a bunch of money every 4 weeks.

It absolutely needs to be cut and styled every 6 weeks. It needs toning shampoo. It needs to be washed and styled all the time. It's unbelievable faff

I use head and shoulders shampoo and Herbal Essences conditioner on my grey hair - that’s it. What a faff.

I have mine trimmed every 8 weeks as I have a shoulder length bob. Exactly the same as when I used to dye it tbf.

As for the utter shock horror of looking older as you get older, I mean I can’t begin to imagine anything worse obviously.

Thank you for the lecture on grey hair and ageing @Wanderingowl. Having had grey hair for the last 26 years I possibly might know a little more about maintaining it than you.

Maintenance of my hair is a six weekly cut, a shampoo every three or four days - Head&Shoulders is best - a quick dry and a run through with the straighteners. Faff free. And strangers frequently compliment me on it. A woman asked my hairdresser for the same colour once. She was gutted when she was told it was impossible to replicate.

@Wanderingowl

It gets to the point when this wouldn't work as there is too much white hair

I agree with Puppy

That's honestly way too much faff for me. I genuinely couldn't maintain that. I absolutely detest going to the hairdressers. Going every six weeks would be my idea of hell. I'd rather get a filling every 6 weeks.

I personally don’t find a ten minute drive followed by an hour sitting in a chair and chatting particularly onerous but I suppose we all have different levels of tolerance.

So don't do it.