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Original poster

Stay Grey or Colour Again?

115 replies

Sunnydaysareontheirway · 12/01/2023 11:16

I've spent a year growing out my colour. I'm 50 and am now almost grey all over, and its getting me down as I look like a wild old scary witch.

I left an abusive relationship over Covid and have noticed I've been ignored and avoided by quite a lot of the parents at my childs school. I sort of it get it, people feel awkward with abuse and that's just the way the world works. He's taken over the friendships we had as a couple. So im feeling a bit down about that and unconfidant in myself post relationship too.

But then my other child has just started reception and I thought maybe I could make some new friends but I just feel SO old.... SO, I'm wondering whether its my grey hair that's putting people off, they were friendly at first but they had a lot of meetups in the evenings before Christmas and as a single parent I couldnt go - no money for babysitters and have kids full time. Or maybe they could think I'm an older confidant mum with a child in an older class and so wouldn't fit into their friendship group....

I was brunette a long time ago, had highlights in my 30s to cover greys and then gradually had my roots done more regularly and by the time I hit 50, although I never had an all over full colour job done my hair was all over dyed. Realised I was spending a fortune in time and money on having my roots done monthly but they were showing fortnightly so then had all the faff of spraying the roots and covering up the grey. OMG what a bloody faff.

Decided to grow it out and I am almost white at the front and its darker at the back. So its not a glamorous type of grey hair. My hair is also pretty unkempt in its style, wild, I'm half Italian so it has a life of its own, bit wirey, never looks tidy. Because of my heritage I look quite young for my age, skinwise, but now my hair is grey I can look like an old scary witch, and that's on a good day....

Question is:
Should I just dye it back and feel like ME again?

What are other people's experiences?
I do enjoy not having to go to the hairdressers as much and the expense but I just don't feel like me. At first it felt liberating but now I just feel old and like Im on a downward slope to old age....maybe I should colour again and do the whole grey thing when I've got my life back on track and have made some friends again..

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
GreenManalishi · 12/01/2023 17:11

Do what ever you need to do to feel like you, and feel the best you can. If that's silver, fine, if you need to go blonde, go for it. If it's not working for you change it, definitely time for a boost, whatever that is for you.

LizzieSiddal · 12/01/2023 17:11

During Covid I grew out all my dye, took 18 months and within 6 months of doing it I was dyeing it again. Every time I looked in the mirror I saw an old woman! I’m in my 50s too.

I do hate having to go to the hairdressers as much but I do feel much better about myself with coloured hair, so it’s worth it.
I also think some people really suit grey hair, mainly people with blue/grey eyes. I have dark brown eyes and olive completions and I really don’t suit it as much as my blue eyed pale faced friends.

DeliberatelyObtuse · 12/01/2023 17:17

Do whatever makes you feel confident and comfortable in your own skin

I stopped getting highlights when my "grey" hair turned platinum blond. I'm lucky because it's in great condition. It's personal preference I think. I don't miss sitting in the hairdresser's chair for 3 hours!

girlfriend44 · 12/01/2023 17:20

Keep going with the colour. Grey deffo does age you. I'd give it at least another five years or more of colouring.

Blossomtoes · 12/01/2023 17:27

So in essence a sharp haircut and purple shampoo appears to be the answer.

This. I gave in to the grey when I was 43 - two years before I met my bloke. He’s never known me anything but grey. I’m 69 now.

I have an asymmetric bob and over 70 red and bright pink lipsticks because I look dead with no colour on my face.

This is mine, I’d never even think of changing it now.

Stay Grey or Colour Again?
Abitofalark · 12/01/2023 17:32

Yes, yes, yes, a thousand times Yes! Go back to colouring your hair and being you. I let mine go grey at 50 and it was horrendous. The effect was awful and the reactions of people too. The eight-year-old girl next door whom I was friendly with, was the first, as she innocently enquired: 'Are you a grandmother?' The shock! And it was even worse at work with ageist attitudes and remarks. I quickly went back and it was the right thing to do.

I absolutely hate dyeing my hair but I wouldn't dream of not doing it. It really does give you an extension of life as you knew it. Also wear a bit of makeup: a touch of blusher - and lipstick, a good strong shade but not harsh or too dark but depends very much on your skin tone. Also I colour my eyebrows, as well as eyelashes, with mascara - wouldn't go out without it. The difference it makes is immense. I remember Joanna Lumley mentioning that her real hair colour is grey, which seemed unthinkable to me. If she didn't colour it, she would look completely different and be treated very differently, whereas with dyeing it, she continues to hold on to her blonde glamour and trademark image.

Thepeopleversuswork · 12/01/2023 17:58

Blossomtoes · 12/01/2023 17:27

So in essence a sharp haircut and purple shampoo appears to be the answer.

This. I gave in to the grey when I was 43 - two years before I met my bloke. He’s never known me anything but grey. I’m 69 now.

I have an asymmetric bob and over 70 red and bright pink lipsticks because I look dead with no colour on my face.

This is mine, I’d never even think of changing it now.

That looks fantastic. I couldn’t get away with that though because my hair is too unbiddable. It’s tolerable in a blonde but if I was grey or white I would just look unkempt.

I think grey hair looks much more groomed if your hair is straight.

jeaux90 · 12/01/2023 18:05

Give in to the grey but a good haircut. If you leave it long or unkempt it can look a bit witchy (in my case anyway.)

Blossomtoes · 12/01/2023 18:11

Thank you @Thepeopleversuswork. Mine’s naturally wavy, I straighten it.

DrManhattan · 12/01/2023 18:16

I'd go blond

marmitegirl01 · 12/01/2023 18:25

Join some Facebook groups lots of inspiration and advice. I’m 6 mths on the journey. As others have said. I can’t believe how fake the old colour looked. Don’t miss expense and time maintenance took.
I’m loving the freedom to just be.

woodhill · 12/01/2023 18:32

Yes I find it so much easier than the hassle of dyeing and it seems to be more sociably acceptable

Original poster
Sunnydaysareontheirway · 13/01/2023 11:07

Thanks for the honest comments and advice, really helpful. Still undecided, Ive put it up today and don't feel so bad but did look in a mirror and realised Im white at the front and stripey like a skunk at the back.... Im definitely not one of the beautiful glamorous grey haired women. Shave it off? Go Sinead O'Conner?

OP posts:
Dillydollydingdong · 13/01/2023 11:13

Age 71, I never want to go grey. I colour my hair at home - it's nice 'n easy!

ReneBumsWombats · 13/01/2023 11:14

If your hair is naturally white, that makes it easier to play with fun colours - no horrible, hair-killing bleaching required!

Dillydollydingdong · 13/01/2023 11:15

Re post above

Stay Grey or Colour Again?
Gronkle · 13/01/2023 11:30

I went grey at 50. I went out with friends and we had a group photo, I looked like deranged fat ghost in the back ground. I re-dyed my hair but a lighter colour than I'd been, lost 3st and I'm so much happier.

Nanny0gg · 13/01/2023 11:35

Sunnydaysareontheirway · 12/01/2023 11:16

I've spent a year growing out my colour. I'm 50 and am now almost grey all over, and its getting me down as I look like a wild old scary witch.

I left an abusive relationship over Covid and have noticed I've been ignored and avoided by quite a lot of the parents at my childs school. I sort of it get it, people feel awkward with abuse and that's just the way the world works. He's taken over the friendships we had as a couple. So im feeling a bit down about that and unconfidant in myself post relationship too.

But then my other child has just started reception and I thought maybe I could make some new friends but I just feel SO old.... SO, I'm wondering whether its my grey hair that's putting people off, they were friendly at first but they had a lot of meetups in the evenings before Christmas and as a single parent I couldnt go - no money for babysitters and have kids full time. Or maybe they could think I'm an older confidant mum with a child in an older class and so wouldn't fit into their friendship group....

I was brunette a long time ago, had highlights in my 30s to cover greys and then gradually had my roots done more regularly and by the time I hit 50, although I never had an all over full colour job done my hair was all over dyed. Realised I was spending a fortune in time and money on having my roots done monthly but they were showing fortnightly so then had all the faff of spraying the roots and covering up the grey. OMG what a bloody faff.

Decided to grow it out and I am almost white at the front and its darker at the back. So its not a glamorous type of grey hair. My hair is also pretty unkempt in its style, wild, I'm half Italian so it has a life of its own, bit wirey, never looks tidy. Because of my heritage I look quite young for my age, skinwise, but now my hair is grey I can look like an old scary witch, and that's on a good day....

Question is:
Should I just dye it back and feel like ME again?

What are other people's experiences?
I do enjoy not having to go to the hairdressers as much and the expense but I just don't feel like me. At first it felt liberating but now I just feel old and like Im on a downward slope to old age....maybe I should colour again and do the whole grey thing when I've got my life back on track and have made some friends again..

Go and talk to a good hairdresser.

Discuss the options. Going back to your old colour will be high-maintenance. Maybe you need to go blonder now.
If nothing else, get a good cut, it will do wonders for your confidence.

Grey is a really difficult 'colour'. It doesn't suit everyone and it can be very wiry and difficult to manage.

I will never, ever go grey as mine is iron-grey wire wool. Horrible!

Nanny0gg · 13/01/2023 11:37

Blossomtoes · 12/01/2023 17:27

So in essence a sharp haircut and purple shampoo appears to be the answer.

This. I gave in to the grey when I was 43 - two years before I met my bloke. He’s never known me anything but grey. I’m 69 now.

I have an asymmetric bob and over 70 red and bright pink lipsticks because I look dead with no colour on my face.

This is mine, I’d never even think of changing it now.

Ha! Mine won't look like that if I live till 90!

I wish it would...

FrownedUpon · 13/01/2023 11:44

I love grey hair. It says the person is confident in themselves and not trying to be something they’re not. People often look worse with dyed hair.

Backtoreality1 · 13/01/2023 11:46

I had the same decision to make a couple of months ago. Although the grey 'suited' me, it made me feel old! I went back to my previous 'purple' which got quite an interesting reaction as I am in a new job and they had only ever seen me grey. Best decision I ever made - I feel like me again!

jeannie46 · 13/01/2023 14:00

I remember working with a woman who I thought was about 55-60. Her hair was a nice shade of grey, quite flattering I thought, and she kept it beautifully styled.

One day some one brought a brown wig in and she tried it on - just for fun.

It took 20 years off her. I discovered later that she was in fact 42.

So, no don't go grey unless you want to look older.

Blossomtoes · 13/01/2023 14:08

Thank you @Nanny0gg, that’s a nice compliment.

Nobody ever thought I was older than my age @jeannie46, in fact they tended to be surprised to discover that I’m five years older than my bloke. There’s a lot more to appearance of age than hair colour.

Stay Grey or Colour Again?
Stay Grey or Colour Again?
Stay Grey or Colour Again?
Exasperatednow · 13/01/2023 14:16

I'm 52 a d have grey hair. White in the front, dark in the back. I get complimented on it.

But, it takes maintenance and greater care. Good cut and i put rosehip oil before I wash it and a good conditioner. I also have to cool blow dry it rather than do nothing. I also tend to wear some makeup otherwise I feel like i fade. Have changed the colours I wear...

But I don't think people would avoid you because of it. Have you talked first?

Nanny0gg · 13/01/2023 14:32

FrownedUpon · 13/01/2023 11:44

I love grey hair. It says the person is confident in themselves and not trying to be something they’re not. People often look worse with dyed hair.

Some do, yes.

Harsh colours, often box dyes, not kept up, not right for skin tone. Lots of reasons it can look bad.

I'm very confident in myself - I just don't want grey hair!

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