To think being fat...

[GeneticallyModifiedGrump]

Makes looking 'presentable' much more difficult?
This morning I have showered, put makeup on, styled my hair.
Last night I put some fake tan on (yes I am pale as well as fat🙄)
Last weekend I spent 2 hours in the salon getting waxed (normally do it myself but I've run out of energy!)
Rinse and repeat all of the above shockingly regularly!
The results of all this effort......I look okay ish, shouldn't scare any small children but not going to turn heads!
I have a very slim, naturally tanned acquaintance who let her thick, dark armpit hair grow a little over the summer. She still looked stunning. If I did that I would look dirty and like I had let myself go!
Does anyone know what I mean, aibu?

I think thick hair probably helps a lot. My hair is fine and frizzy and I never look neat even though I’m slim.

I’ve been 18 stone and am now 10 stone. My style hasn’t changed but how those clothes sit on me and drape has drastically changed and I look more neat.

YANBU

I have thick hair! Maybe my one saving grace that I don't need to worry about.....although it has started going grey so I dye it every 6 weeks or so. Forgot about that, another chore in the looking acceptable fight!

You probably look good and sound very well groomed. But I know what you mean. I have been heavy, and slim, and slim feels better for me. 😏

Yes, even in a well-fitting suit, I don't feel smart. There's something about the extra weight that signals flustered and unstylish.

Ah well, thank goodness I'm otherwise totally wonderful!

Same with youth too, tbh. If you’re young, joggers and a hoodie looks cute. If you’re 45 you look like you’ve given up on life unless it’s very carefully put together.

@Redebs I mean of course we are totally wonderful! A bit of fat doesn't change that😉
I just feel like I'm fighting a losing battle looks wise. I put a lot of* *effort into how I look but the results don't necessarily tally with the effort!

YANBU. I've been 8st 10 - 14st 2lbs and everything inbetween. I'm 5ft 4. Currently 11st post-baby and feel like a sack of crap!

I’m not sure if the tide is turning but the body positive campaign did do some harm. I never want to go back to the days when I was young and people were openly cruel to overweight people but just from a health perspective we are in a type 2 diabetes crisis.

Slim just feels more comfortable.

I’m 2 stone over my “normal” weight so not huge but a size 16 rather than a 10/12. I bought new flattering clothes but even so they don’t sit exactly as my clothes do when thinner. I end up looking just a bit scruffy. It’s frustrating!!

I agree with this! I still wear jeans, t shirts, hoodies etc as per my youth, but I just look a bit frumpy now. I'm not ready to dress like my mum though so I carry on

I totally agree. I am currently losing weight. Caught a glimpse of myself on camera yesterday. I did my make up, my hair had a smart dress on, still looked less put together than my very slim colleagues who had their hair just tied back in a pony tail, black trousers and a plain top on, no make up.

I think it’s because how clothes hang. if I wore No make up and put a pony tail in, I feel I would look awful and scruffy when I attend big meetings. Yet they, genuinely, look great.

I do think some of it could be social conditioning as well and I might not look as awful as I think.

I was losing weight, when my mum unexpectedly died. Then put on about 3 stone in a year. I went to a wedding last week and (though I had already started eating better) was horrified by the photos. It’s definitely spurring me on to stick to eating healthy. I am in no rush to lose it all, no crash diets. But definitely focused on the fact that I won’t need to spend an hour and half getting ready for work or put so much effort in for events. I have a big event in august and if I can have 3 stone off by then I think it will make a big difference. Even if it’s just in how I feel.

I’ve been fat and I’ve been thin

now I’m fat but since last October have been desperately trying to get myself sorted

clothes fitted and suited me better when I was thin, it was easier to dress my body shape, I also found I needed little in the way of make up to look good. My hair always needs some work as it’s fine, thin and loads of it with 3 different curls so I always need to do some thing with it or I look like long distance Clara!!

being bigger I struggle to find clothes that fit well (big belly smallish hips and no bum) no matter how hard I try I can never pull off looking quite right, my skins bad (this is probably pre meno) and I have the same issues with my hair…

saying that I see some bigger ladies (really do not want to offend anyone) and they look perfect and I have no idea how they do it…I’m quite jealous

Why did you give that eye roll about being pale? “ yes because I’m pale as well as fat” like it’s a personal failing. I understand the problem you’re describing ( I am plus size) but I don’t think “being presentable”in a determined by weight. I might not like how clothing looks on me but that’s not the same as not being presentable. Speaking to yourself more kindly and seeing the positives about yourself may be a good starting point.

I agree. I put on a bit of weight recently and felt frumpy and invisible. I'm now back on a healthy regime and it's coming off. I already feel more sleek and groomed. Is losing weight an option OP if it would help you feel better?

What’s wrong with being pale?

What is wrong with being pale?

Jessica Chastain, Cate Blanchett … I could name dozens of women who look superb and pale.

Fake tan… hmm. It’s not my body or my look, but I honestly don’t get it.

Should also add I am very very pale practically transparent!!

but I never use fake tan and I have developed some skin damage from the sun on my face/neck and shoulders so I try to dress to cover it up whilst using vitamin c and retinol to help

I’m overweight - 12-14 at 5ft 2. But my fat is quite evenly distributed and I still have a visible waist so that helps. Thick hair and good skin too.

I'm very pale and also have armpit hair. Fortunately I'm a size 8-10; I'd hate to think I was 'dirty and had let myself go'

I agree and also think that tanned skin makes you look thinner and more toned!

Perhaps stop putting so much value & importance on "looks"? If you are linking your self esteem to superficial things like waxing body hair and fake tan you are constantly putting yourself in a perilous position.

Stop judging yourself by how you look (stop doing it to other women too). It's quite liberating.

Fat just doesn't look good in clothes. It rolls or bulges and is just much harder to dress. Even in well fitting clothes, when you sit, there is fat that needs to go somewhere! And bigger clothes that hide the fat feel bulky and shapeless.

You also have to dress far more carefully. I love normcorm and wear basic items in navy, white, cream etc. When I've been bigger I don't feel nice at all in these things. Slimmer tanned limbs really set them off.

*normcore