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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think being fat...

128 replies

GeneticallyModifiedGrump · 12/01/2023 07:15

Makes looking 'presentable' much more difficult?
This morning I have showered, put makeup on, styled my hair.
Last night I put some fake tan on (yes I am pale as well as fat🙄)
Last weekend I spent 2 hours in the salon getting waxed (normally do it myself but I've run out of energy!)
Rinse and repeat all of the above shockingly regularly!
The results of all this effort......I look okay ish, shouldn't scare any small children but not going to turn heads!
I have a very slim, naturally tanned acquaintance who let her thick, dark armpit hair grow a little over the summer. She still looked stunning. If I did that I would look dirty and like I had let myself go!
Does anyone know what I mean, aibu?

OP posts:
Catcharolo · 12/01/2023 09:49

I agree. That’s why when I’m thinner I feel like I can make alot less effort and still look good. When I am my skinny weight, I’ll chuck on leggings trainers, teeny bit of makeup and a sweater and look pretty nice. When I am my fatter weight, I spend ages twiddling around with my hair, my make up, the right clothes to flatter and still feel uncomfortable and bit rubbish.
Its so annoying as I hate feeling like I have to diet. I do get what you mean.

Comedycook · 12/01/2023 09:51

Yes you're right. I have a very overweight friend..at least a size 20. She always looks immaculate...but it's a lot Andi mean a lot of effort. Hair done properly every day, full make up every day. Smart and well put together outfit. If she stuck her hair in a pony tail and threw on jeans and a t shirt, she'd loo a mess in a way that someone thin wouldn't. It's not fair but that's life

AllOfThemWitches · 12/01/2023 09:51

warmzebra · 12/01/2023 09:42

@AllOfThemWitches I do think men look at appearances the same! You mentioned men looking at a different appearance-related factor: shape. I genuinely think overall body shape is wayyy more important than size, though size is (pun intended) a very big factor in itself.

Yeah, I'm not pretending that men aren't shallow,just that I think a lot of them are attracted to 'shapely' women even if they are carrying a few extra pounds. For myself, gaining a few extra pounds would be upsetting.

howaboutchocolate · 12/01/2023 09:52

I get what you mean. It's a lot easier for a slim person to get away with leg hair or similar as it's seen as them being body positive. It's like you can only have so many "bad" things at once before you look unkempt in the eyes of society.
Long, slim, tanned or dark legs with hair - probably seen as fine.
Fat, pale legs with hair - people are more likely to judge.

I find it a bit "thin privilege" when someone who's a willowy size 8 posts on Instagram about their real body and shows off stretch marks or something. It gets a totally different reaction to someone who's a size 16 showing off stretchmarks.

SomethingOriginal2 · 12/01/2023 09:53

I agree. I dress the same as I used to when I was athletic and I look very different (obviously I guess)

It's really what's motivating me to lose weight so I don't have to work so hard to not look scruffy.

cushioncovers · 12/01/2023 09:55

I've been slimmer and I am now obese and no matter what I wear or how nicely I do my hair make up etc I still seemed look disheveled. So yes it's true, the fatter you are the worse the clothes look on you. In my experience.

MissMaple82 · 12/01/2023 09:55

I know what you mean, it's shit

cushioncovers · 12/01/2023 09:55

I've been slimmer and I am now obese and no matter what I wear or how nicely I do my hair make up etc I still seemed look disheveled. So yes it's true, the fatter you are the worse the clothes look on you. In my experience.

fruitbrewhaha · 12/01/2023 09:55

I thinks is how we conditioned as well though OP. We are taught to believe overweight is bad, slim good, fat equals not in control etc

ImBlueDab · 12/01/2023 09:56

Yanbu. I completely agree. Clothes somehow look smarter

AllOfThemWitches · 12/01/2023 10:02

fruitbrewhaha · 12/01/2023 09:55

I thinks is how we conditioned as well though OP. We are taught to believe overweight is bad, slim good, fat equals not in control etc

I agree. I am mildly obsessive about weight and food which obviously isn't ideal but I was so miserable when I was overweight, I don't want to be again. Dreading menopause based on what I've heard! 😆

Pearlygates · 12/01/2023 10:03

I agree with you OP. Now I Wasn't obese or anything but I did put on a few stones after having DS. Every time I got dressed up I always looked frumpy and a bit sloppy and no amount of styling etc made me looked better.

I was able to lose that weight and I look so much better in clothes now then I did back then.

JoyPeaceHealth · 12/01/2023 10:05

The mandate to 1) always have a good cut makes me pause for thought. Who asks for a bad cut. My cut is designed to work with my thick wavy/curly hair not against it, but it can still look really scruffy!

I used to have all one length hair and I had to spend hours straightening my hair every day, I'm never going back to that but ''a good cut'' doesn't save you from the dragged backwards through a hedge look! Not if you have wavy thick hair.

ShrinesofGaiety · 12/01/2023 10:06

fruitbrewhaha · 12/01/2023 09:55

I thinks is how we conditioned as well though OP. We are taught to believe overweight is bad, slim good, fat equals not in control etc

Sadly for me it is being out of control that heaps on the weight periodically over the years.

feeling pretty glum currently at my 10lb weight gain in 2022, been the most horrible year, I am now on a mission to lose it.

I know exactly what the OP means, I’ve been slim, fat and usually somewhere in between mostly.

sydneysunset · 12/01/2023 10:22

Two hours getting waxed!?

You are probably being hard on yourself, op. I bet you look much better than you think. Since I hit my 40's I've noticed that my 'chubbier' mates look much prettier and more youthful in the face than the skinnier ones. They always look gorgeous when we go out.

Minimalme · 12/01/2023 10:22

It is much harder to find clothes which suit me now I am much fatter than the models.

I prefer to shop online but the models look amazing in big boxy jackets and puffy trousers and - conversely - stretchy dresses, because they have a lean frame.

Whereas I look dumpy and box-like or like a piping bag.

Stuff that is regarded as 'flattering' pisses me off too. I love clothes and having to prioritise flattering over exciting, beautiful and lux isn't my idea of fun.

Minimalme · 12/01/2023 10:24

Having said that, if I had want to look good in my clothes I should have prioritised them over the bloody mince pies and brandy butter I ate over Xmas.

Poor me Sad

AllOfThemWitches · 12/01/2023 10:25

I prefer to shop online but the models look amazing in big boxy jackets and puffy trousers and - conversely - stretchy dresses, because they have a lean frame.

'Boxy' or 'floaty' clothes do NOT work with anything over a C cup ! 😆

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 12/01/2023 10:28

I'm pretty sure that this thread has been posted before almost word for word

Climbles · 12/01/2023 10:28

In my adult hood I have been a size 24 and a size 8. I’m currently a 12.
Sadly when you are overweight, especially obese, it’s much harder to look smart, fashionable or classy. Clothes fit better on slimmer people. Unless you are one of the lucky technically overweight people but you have a small waist and lovely curves. I’m an Apple so extra weight looks awful on me.

Georgeskitchen · 12/01/2023 10:29

I think it's about style and dressing right. I'm thinking Glenda (Jodie Prenger) in coronation St
. She is a bigger lady but she always looks terrific. Great personality as well

Catspyjamas17 · 12/01/2023 10:30

I'm a D cup, but fairly tall and well-proportioned and can get away with boxy and fitted clothes. Not puffy troursers though, not sure what they are but my legs don't need any more puffing up!

ItsNotReallyChaos · 12/01/2023 10:36

In my late twenties I had a friend who was overweight but genuinely looked fabulous almost all of the time. She is naturally pretty and had a low maintenance haircut, wore very little make up but had good bras and good quality clothes chosen from brands that suited her shape. She just always looked lovely. She is pale skinned as well but just went with it rather than fighting it with fake tan.

CocoC · 12/01/2023 10:45

Howeverdoyouneedme · 12/01/2023 07:16

I think thick hair probably helps a lot. My hair is fine and frizzy and I never look neat even though I’m slim.

Agree with this. I have fine hair and always look a bit crappy and unkempt. Thick hair makes you look luxurious. Imagine Kate Middleton or Anna Kournikova with mousy/fine/short hair! I think hair is the most important accessory.

FictionalCharacter · 12/01/2023 10:49

I think part of the problem is the way mass produced clothes are cut. Larger sizes are often just bigger versions of small versions but pretty much the same shape. So it doesn’t take into account the different body structure of a larger woman and where the extra weight is carried, and the clothes don’t fit nicely or hang well.
It’s quite hard to find nice clothes that fit perfectly and at the same time don’t cling where you don’t want them to. I’m sure that if you could have clothes made to measure it would be very different.