To think being fat...

[GeneticallyModifiedGrump]

Makes looking 'presentable' much more difficult?
This morning I have showered, put makeup on, styled my hair.
Last night I put some fake tan on (yes I am pale as well as fat🙄)
Last weekend I spent 2 hours in the salon getting waxed (normally do it myself but I've run out of energy!)
Rinse and repeat all of the above shockingly regularly!
The results of all this effort......I look okay ish, shouldn't scare any small children but not going to turn heads!
I have a very slim, naturally tanned acquaintance who let her thick, dark armpit hair grow a little over the summer. She still looked stunning. If I did that I would look dirty and like I had let myself go!
Does anyone know what I mean, aibu?

Hair makes such a big difference doesn’t it. I’m considering spending decent money on dying my mousy hair blonde and getting some expert advice on my thin and limp looking hair. I do look great from the neck down at the moment right now though 😁 Wore a simple white cotton summer dress to work yesterday (I’m in Australia) and got loads of compliments. Must say my legs did look rather great.

I’m always so jealous of my coworkers with thick, glossy ‘rich girl’ hair. Maybe you don’t have to be rich to have it but I’m sure it helps,

I have a very slim, naturally tanned acquaintance who let her thick, dark armpit hair grow a little over the summer. She still looked stunning. If I did that I would look dirty and like I had let myself go!

I find this a bizarre statement. Why on earth would the presence of armpit hair, which you hardly see anyway and accounts for only a small area of the body, make a stunning person look otherwise and make ANYONE, regardless of weight, look “dirty”?

Do you see other fat women with armpit hair and feel that they look “dirty” and have “let themselves go”?

I am overweight (and short) and agree with the basic premise that clothes hang better on tall, slim people. But OP seems unusually invested in appearance.

Completely agree. When I have gained a few pounds I almost give up because it seems pointless, which makes me look 10 times worse.

😂 This is so true!

I get you. Someone will come along and list some gorgeous plus sized beauties, and they are attractive women, but the point is- they done look done up.

I have been very heavy. One of the most liberating things about losing the weight was that I could chuck on a pair of jeans, a t-shirt and a pair of sunglasses and look great. I wear less make up now too because I am happy with my bone structure, and don’t mind having my hair up.

Going out when I was heavy meant tights, a retro-style dress, heels to lengthen my chubby little legs, lots
of make up, big hair…..even to go to the pub. It was the only way I felt ‘nice’.

I’m normally a size 12 at 5’4” but I’ve stuffed myself over the festive period and I feel really uncomfortable and sluggish, I hate how it makes me feel and I feel uncomfortable in my clothes…however, I’m back onto healthy eating and I’m starting to feel better.

YANBU. Overweight isn't healthy. I say that as someone who has weight to lose at the moment!

However I know how these threads go. You'll have someone come along shortly to tell you that they're technically obese but run marathons all the time and are therefore absolutely fine

It's all very well being body positive but diabetes and heart attacks aren't cute.

There was a plus size model in the paper last weekend, I can't remember her name but she's stunning. She appeared on the cover in a tiny outfit, almost a bikini. She had deep, expertly applied fake tan from head to toe.

Being pale isn't a sin, it's just a skin type. But tanning makes you look slimmer, which is why so many women like me (scottish, invisible) use tanning products so religiously.

As ever on mumsnet 'I hate the look of fake tan' translates as 'I hate the look of obvious, badly applied fake tan'. You wouldn't know I used it.

You wouldn't even know I used fake tan if I didn't tell you! It just stops me looking dead😆
It's interesting to note all of the beautiful pale people mentioned have that lovely alabaster skin tone, mine sadly is not that shade of pale...I'm more pinkish which I just don't like.
I don't think I am over invested in looks, I just got thinking this morning when I was getting ready about how much effort I put in compared to the results I see.

I totally agree, when I am slim and reasonably toned it is really easy to get dressed. I lost a load of weight a couple of years ago but have suffered from slow creep and at the moment I am not, but also determined not to buy new clothes a size up while I get back on track so look like a lumpy mess at the moment. I am a really casual dresser and loved just wearing jeans and a t shirt and feeling good.

I hope this isn't me being annoying, but make sure you're dressing for your body shape too. This website has really good guides (I've linked to pear as I'm a pear).

Relatively speaking, shape is more important than size. I'm very underweight but I can look awfully scruffy, messy and frumpy (and even chunky at times, oddly). But if you implement even a few of these "rules", your whole body shape looks more elegant and structured immediately.

Also very amazed at the thick hair beauty standard in the UK! I'm east asian and we always thin out our hair during haircuts (hair thinning scissors), or rebond hair to go flatter.

I feel that my extra fat is an external signal of my mental struggles, so I never feel confident and put together when I’m carrying extra weight. It makes me feel vulnerable, and a bit of a shit show.

”Hey world! I eat my feelings and can’t stop once I start, and here’s the evidence bulging over my waistband!”

Hate it.

Agree 100%. As a size 10 everything looks great on me and I have cheekbones and a jaw line so make up can me minimal. As a size 14 as I am now and short, I have to wear structured, tailored clothes to look good. I have to spend longer on make up trying to apply highlighting to get some shape as well.

Coats do not look good on me either, which annoying for winter. Its just more padding I really don't need and I look like a sausage in a puffa.

I'd saw good hair, teeth, nails, skin are the main factors. But agree clothes are designed generally to fit slim people better. I always felt better presented when I was younger and slimmer.

Half agree. I generally love trying on clothes now as a size 8, I didn't when I was a size 12. In fact, I regularly cried about it.

I do look really scruffy when my hair is a mess though.

I also find that people think I’m thick because I’m fat.

Some even express surprise when I prove myself to be actually quite bright.

I’m the biggest I’ve ever been. I don’t know what went wrong. I had a good, healthy pregnancy where I barely gained anything (I don’t gain in pregnancy) but it ended in a crash section and then I couldn’t breastfeed.

Slipped into a postpartum depression and found myself eating and eating and eating. I feel awful. Went to a ball over Christmas and wore the most incredible dress. But was horrified by the photographs. I looked totally disgusting.

YANBU.

Yes, I've lost a lot of weight over the past decade or two, so more "normal" looking now, but for my teenage years and first 20 years or so of working life, I was morbidly obese.

I can't help but remember the "look of disgust" when you walk into an interview room or meeting or meet the team at a new job. It was always mortifying. You could almost feel the disgust! Time and time again, it felt like I had to work harder to "prove" I was actually a normal person underneath all the blubber. Most times, I did and we went on to a typical/normal working relationship, but sometimes, whatever I did and however hard I worked, I'd simply not be accepted. Hence why I moved jobs so often!

Things are now very different now that I'm more of a normal size, though still overweight, I don't get that look of disgust anymore.

I think some people operate a kind of appearance algorithm based on what perceived ‘pluses’ allow you to ‘get away with’ perceived ‘minuses’. A friend once reported a conversation with a filter-free colleague who said she was ‘so brave’ not to dye her greying hair, but that she could ‘get away with it’ because she was thin and athletic — implicitly she could not have ‘got away with it’ in the colleague’s eyes had my friend been fat and greying. On further enquiry, I think the same woman had some other code about not wearing make-up meaning you had to dye your hair, or not be fat. Or remove body hair.

I think implicit to it all was that being thin was key to being ‘let off’ other stuff according to her code. Which she thought everyone was signed up to.

I think you can carry a bit of extra and still look sexy but I agree it's hard to look elegant. I'm naturally a short and curvy pear - still wear a size 10-12 but only cos I'm small - I definitely need to knock off at least a stone. I find it hard to find work clothes that fit well as I have very narrow shoulders a smallish waist and big hips and thighs - I particularly hate blouses that gape at the front and trousers pockets that pull open - I mainly wear fabrics with a bit of stretch but so difficult to look really smart.

I feel like I look frumpier and am treated like I'm either invisible or stupid. It's frustrating, my outside does not reflect my inner life. I am quick witted, hard working and intelligent, but people treat me like I'm slow, lazy and unintelligent. I have a few times recently been on training courses where I had to turn my camera off (slow internet) and people treated me like they used to, because they went off my words not off my appearance. I find I have to dress overtly smart to be treated as a grown up let alone as a competent and professional grown up. Whereas when I was slimmer I could be wearing more casual clothes and still come across that way. It's frustrating

I never want to go back to the days when I was young and people were openly cruel to overweight people

Have those days ever gone? Fat shaming still seems to be perfectly acceptable

Truth! 🤭

Yes I get you. When fat I had to carefully pick outfits that would flatter me and always have my hair down to look ‘nice’. Now I’m slim I just chuck on something smart-ish and tie my hair in a bun. I buy clothes on vinted and they nearly always look nice. Still always wear makeup but I embrace the paleness.

it’s not about just dressing for your shape. Lots of us do. But, as an example, when you sit down, the rolls are still visible. Even if you dress to your shape when stood up. It doesn’t work when you sit.

no one said thin people can’t look messy or like that haven’t made an effort. But thin people can make less on an effort, that’s the point of the thread.

I am half South Asian, the trend for flat hair is because (generally) we have thick hair. No one with thin or fine hair are trying to make their hair look flatter. If your hair is think it can still be flat, but look more full that someone with thin, fine hair who is trying to put more volume in. Thick hair, well kept hair is generally considered the ideal. Even made to look flatter thick hair still accept as a better look that flat, thin and fine hair.

Also if your face is quite large (like mine currently is) big hair helps balance it out a bit better. So, again, if you are slim you may be able to pull off flat hair. But if your face is bigger, it can feel like it draws attention to bigger face.