To think being fat...

[GeneticallyModifiedGrump]

Makes looking 'presentable' much more difficult?
This morning I have showered, put makeup on, styled my hair.
Last night I put some fake tan on (yes I am pale as well as fat🙄)
Last weekend I spent 2 hours in the salon getting waxed (normally do it myself but I've run out of energy!)
Rinse and repeat all of the above shockingly regularly!
The results of all this effort......I look okay ish, shouldn't scare any small children but not going to turn heads!
I have a very slim, naturally tanned acquaintance who let her thick, dark armpit hair grow a little over the summer. She still looked stunning. If I did that I would look dirty and like I had let myself go!
Does anyone know what I mean, aibu?

I have definitely seen overweight and probably also obese people looking very smart and well turned out. I agree with you that it's much more difficult and requires a great dress sense and very neat hair so a lot more effort than you'd need for the same effect if you were slim. Also, smart clothes are uncomfortable if you are bigger. I've got a feeling that maybe if you are an apple shape rather than a pear shape it's easier but I'm not sure. I know a pear shape is healthier but maybe more difficult to dress when you are very overweight?

I fall into the fat and frumpy category. It takes so.much effort to make myself look a bit presentable that I mostly don't bother.

@GeneticallyModifiedGrump When talking about the extra effort taken to look good when overweight - are you dismissing the effort of being slim and maintaining a slim figure?

very few woman over 35 are “naturally slim” - as in can eat whatever they want and do no exercise yet remain a size 8. (And those who “can eat whatever they want” when questioned, what they want to eat really isn’t anything like what I’d want to eat over a 24 hour period!)

I am grumpy about this as I’m currently trying to lose a little bit of weight gained over Christmas- not much but enough that my clothes are getting too tight and it’s diet or buy new work clothes the next size up. This isn’t a “half an hour in the morning drying your hair nicely” effort - it’s a “all day every day for a month” effort of not eating what I want. It’s a “going out in the pissing rain to exercise” effort. And for most woman who are slim all the time - this will be an every day for the rest of their life level effort.

past the first flush of youth, looking good takes effort one way or another. (Including for men - although we accept more of them not bothering.)

I get what you are saying. I'm the slimmest I've been since I was 15 (size 10/12), not by choice. But I actually felt nicer when I was fatter (size 12/14). I am 5 foot 9 though so feel a bit saggy and gangly . I miss my chubbiness.

I think the fake tan never works, you can always see it. I think if you are overweight you can look good as long as your face / down to shoulders look good. So, great hair, nice makeup, nice jewellery, maybe a chiffon scarf or something if your neck doesn't look good, in a bright, glamourous colour. And keep things simple down below (black trousers, simple no fuss top).
A friend of mine was fat but looked AMAZING, with plain shapes (often plain coloured clothes), vibrant accessories (scarf, necklace, bracelet, earrings), lots of tasteful gold jewellery, great hair and bright red lipstick. And lots of perfume or layered scent, she smelled amazing. And a big smile, bright eyes etc.
So all the attention was on her face, or upper half, not body.

I do think you need to try harder, you can't look slobby basically.

I scrub up alright when I really make an effort, but it is definitely more effort at the moment - whether that's because I'm fat or because I'm ageing, who knows. Hair removal is a more difficult task when you have excess flesh, tanning is a definite CBA, and my arms ache just thinking of doing anything fancy with my hair (not that I have the skills).
As others have said, clothes just seem to hang nicer on a slimmer body, plus there is more choice of clothing in smaller sizes.

Yes I agree. I'm short and very fat. I'm also a sahm so have no need to be presentable for work etc. I have got into the habit over the years of just giving up & not bothering as there's no point. I agree with a pp aswell who said they feel vulnerable with the extra fat. I feel like this. It's like wearing a badge saying I can't control what I eat so I must be useless in all areas of my life as I have no self control etc.
Since I've turned 40, things on my body have changed for the worst and it all added together has just made me give up. My teeth are discoloured from so much tea drinking. My hair is going grey. I am. It's also gone very thin. I try to keep colouring it. I just wear it scraped back every day. I've never known how to apply make up properly. Daily I wear none, special occasions I wear a minimal amount.
My daughter is very girly and I know she's going to be one of those amazingly glam, well groomed teenagers. Im hoping that she will be able to give me a makeover in a few years because God I need one!!

YADNBU

The thing that strikes me from this thread is that if I try it's because I'm looks obsessed....if a slim person did what I do would they be considered looks obsessed or would they just be considered well groomed?

Good grooming is never wasted, Grump. But it requires more effort than it would from a natural beauty. Multiply it again for age!

We had a huge thread on this recently. I think the key things are: wear clothes that fit you well and make you feel great. Do exactly as much other grooming and make up as you want. Smile and walk into every room confidently.

Personally, I shave armpits approx every three or four months and I don’t much care what anyone else thinks about that.

The thing that strikes me from this thread is that if I try it's because I'm looks obsessed....if a slim person did what I do would they be considered looks obsessed or would they just be considered well groomed?

I think you're overly hung up on weight being the issue here. Regardless of weight, there's a sliding scale of how much effort people make. I don't wear make up and after a long-term illness my hair is absolutely awful no matter what I do with it. People who take more care of their appearance will look at me and wonder why I don't bother just as I look at fake-tanned, heavy make-upped women and suspect they'd look nicer if a bit more of their natural appearance was visible. Their weight doesn't come into this.

I think as well it depends on your social circle. By chance all my good friends are similar to me in that they only wear make up for special occasions, if at all, so I fit in well and don't feel inferior due to my lack of make up. When I worked in London with a load of people who took greater care of their appearance I made a teensy bit more effort.

My bmi was 30 recently so just in the obese category. I know what suits me but I would look like a fat sack of spuds if I didn't dress to flatter my shape. It's about finding what works for you. From a confidence and health perspective I've just lost a stone and want to lose another 2. I'm 38 and realise that I won't always be invincible and it's increasing the risk of diabetes and other nasty diseases.

@blebbleb same just before new year I real8sed my bmi was about to go in to the obese category. Gave me a right sh9ck. I'm trying to lose enough to get back in the normal category now. I am surprised how easy it was to become obese. Only thing that's ever come easily to me. 😂😳

@JoyPeaceHealth good luck on your weight loss. It's definitely a struggle but worth it! I expect many people are technically obese without looking it. I just worry about the strain on my organs and other stuff. I'm aiming to get to 23 bmi. Higher end of normal but I look too gaunt any slimmer. Currently 10 stone 12 which for my height is bmi 27-28 but I'm getting there.

Some of the most glam or stylish women I know are larger ladies. They just have oodles of style. Know what suits them, we'll put together outfits

I think as women we are super critical of ourselves and when we look in the mirror, all we see are our "imperfections" rather than what other people see, which is us as a whole.

I have a friend who is very slim, tall, tanned, blonde and pretty. She gets a lot of compliments from women, but not so much attention from men.

All of my clothes look awful on me. I've put on over a stone and I wasn't thin beforehand.

Saw myself in a mirror the other day and was shocked at the fat person looking back at me. I feel utterly depressed as it has aged me by 10 years, so am dieting now (again)!

YANBU I'm a client manager and have this dilemma all the time at a size 18. I also have frizzy/curly hair and I'm short.
I feel like I never look neat even when I'm trying my best.

All of my clothes look awful on me. I've put on over a stone and I wasn't thin beforehand.

Well, of course they do.You need clothes that fit the size you are, not the size you used to be. No one looks good in clothes that are too small for them. This is not rocket science.

I think it's breasts. Clothes just look better on anyone up to a C cup.

Short fat person here, trying to look good is difficult. Tall overweight people can still look good.

Different approach but I think it's about the way you carry yourself also, I'm very tall and overweight but I have pretty good posture which I think helps a bit

An ill fitting bra can also stop clothes hanging properly

I am short and overweight but have relatively long legs. When I buy jeans and trousers from M& S I need the regular length, short is too short. That helps too, stops me looking dumpy.

I think generally larger people are judged more harshly so feel the onus to go to greater lengths to keep themselves 'looking together'. I don't think it's controversial to point that out at all.