To still be furious with DH for going to lapdancing club 7 weeks after our DD was born?

[Haircut100YearsAgo]

This is my first post on here, so please be kind to me!

My DH travels all over the world for work. Don't have a problem with this at all, but just 8 weeks after I had given birth to our DD I caught him out at a lapdancing club in Moscow. The silly sod had accidently pressed redial on his 'Crackberry' whilst he was in said club and I innocently answered the phone thinking he had called to say goodnight. First of all the only thing I could hear was heavy Eurotrash music, and I thought -- the bastard, he goes on about how knackered he is and he's out at a nightclub whilst I am up for most of the night with our DD! Then it became apparent where he was. Some of his Russian colleagues had obviously got themselves hooked up with women and my DH and a fellow Brit were left talking.

I could hear my DH desperately trying to get money changed so that he could get a private one-on-one. As I am typing this, it is bringing it all back & I am still soooo bloody mad at him. He eventually cut me off, but I am pretty sure nothing else happened. Part of me thinks, well that's the Russian way of doing things. Pretty disrepectful of my DH to me, etc., but no real harm done. The other part of me thinks I really can't trust him (one thing I have always done until now is to trust him implicitly). This happened about 3 months ago.

I found it very informative. Erm... thanks?

How do you know all that?

A bit hard to say without identifying myself Kimi but I'm not a Russian stripper.

Do you think my zero-tolerance of my DH going to a lap-dancing club stems from me having once shared a house with 6 men? I know things I rather wish I didn't.

Stag weekend in Tallinn? No farking way. I've seen the photographs. (And then had to attend their weddings and say all the usual nice crap to their poor bloody new brides).

yes, duchess, am in similar situation myself. All a bit depressing at times, really.

(Quite badly wanted to call you Norks there. Would that be so wrong, do you think?)

Oh do call me Norks. There's no need for title etiquette on MN.

"I know things I rather wish I didn't."

Oh yes, completely identify with that one too. There are some things I would rather not know, but once you do know you can't forget.

bloody hell, i didnt know it was that bad! i thought it was just topless dancing
im so naive
thanks for telling me

it's taken ages to read all this but really just had to say i completely and utterly agree with everything that dittany has said on this subject.

i especially really hate the ridiculous way that people excuse visits to strip joints because 'it was a stag do' .Pathetic. The same goes for 'men are bound to look at porn because they are visual creatures'.Also pathetic.

beachlover - what has been described only happens in some of these 'establishments' - not all of them. i'm afraid i say this based on what my dh told me after i showed him the post. i wish that wasn't true but it is. i must say, i was always under the impression most places didn't permit the girls to be touched...

my dh has also been to a couple of these places on stag do's - although there was one occasion where he decided not to go and went off to a normal bar, meeting up with the others later. shame that resolve didn't last. he also has had a 'private' dance - bought for him by a mate - so he says. but who knows. i would love to ask him what dittany asked cestlavie earlier ie whether he got an erection, but the truth is, i don't want to ask because i imagine he probably did. and who knows how often since then he has replayed the scene in his mind. the thought sickens me. especially as i have very small breasts and these girls are generally pretty well endowed.

this was a few years ago and since then we've had one dd and another is due in 3 months. if he did it again i think i'd be more upset. at least before i used to have a taught slim figure and small breasts. these days there are stretch marks and a spare tyre to contend with so the thought of a slim, large breasted gal jjiggling about in front of him makes me want to cry .

Have just read all the updates to the thread since I was last on it and couldn't believe that everything you have said is real onebat . Have immediately turned to DH and accusedly asked him if this is the case and he has said that the frottaging is true but the penetration aspect is not (and he's been to a stag do in Prague where I would have thought that this would have happened).

I have heard stories from a friend's husband about the Baghdad Cafe in Barcelona which sounds absolutely revolting.

Am still in shock...I thought I was fairly worldly but obviously not ...

@NKF

"It's a very strange industry. All those women taking off their clothes in front of men who don't want to see women taking off their clothes. And the men who don't want to see the naked dancing women are giving money to them. Very very strange business indeed."

classic

onebatmother - I don't know whether to thanks you for that description of private dances blech indeed

beachlover thanks for "frottering", it sounds like something very rude done with something very cute

dittany fair points all, I mostly agree with you. I normally find myself cast as the most moaningest of drudges on such threads so interesting to find myself in the position of defending guys who go along and aren't that arsed with it all.

"fatter and uglier than a Russian stripper"
I think I feel an MN slogan T-shirt coming on, possums.

reading this thread makes me and and also makes me wonder why there arent clubs where almost-naked men gyrate around for women to ogle and grope.then if your OH went to a lapdancing club with his mates you could just say 'oh,thats ok,im going to one with the girls on saturday night while you look after the kids.its so+so's hen night though so if she offers to pay for a private dance then i will have to accept,its only polite'

oh yes bluestocking.
Faster than a speeding train, fatter and uglier than a Russian stripper, more demanding than a moaning drudge.

Divastrop, even if there were such clubs I don't think the current distribution of money and power and influence in our society would make them the equivalent of the lapdancing clubs we are now, which are based on the idea that men have power and money and that women are for sale.

The thought of such a place doesn't sound remotely happy to me. If I had a DH who wanted to go out and be frottered by other women the option of being able to pay some man to perform some sexual act on me wouldn't make me any less sad.

Looby (lovely name), please don't fret about your appearance...as I think I said earlier (and probably insulted someone when I did), whether you think you are gorgeous or not, if you are married to a cheat he will cheat. Regardless. I am sure your husband loves you very much and now knowing how you feel would not disrepect you (and himself) by frequenting one of these lovely clubs. Best of luck with the pregnancy!

From onebat's description of a private 'dance' can someone please tell me exactly what the difference is between this and a man going to a prostitute (other than perhaps the penetration bit?)? Would all of the women who have posted on here saying they are so secure in themselves (and their appearances) that they are happy for their DH to go to lap dancing clubs feel the same if their husband were to go to a prostitute?

A sincere thank you to everyone who has posted...My DH gets home in a little while. It's going to take a lot not to bring this up now, but I know it is not the best time.

Good luck Haircut.
I hope it works out for you.

Oh christ haircut, so sorry, hadn't sunk in about your dh being away again. Really wish I had saved my description for another time now. Sorry.

no problems onebat -- he's been in one of the cleanest cities in the world...think he would be hard pushed to have found a club, let alone one that offered lap dancing!! Your description still made me want to heave though! How do men think this is an ok thing to do?

How did my bloody husband think this was an ok thing for him to do? Christ Almighty. Think I am madder now than when I first posted.

Thanks dittant. And you're brilliant