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Original poster

Friend has pulled out of holiday the day before we are due to fly out

464 replies

OkIy · 11/01/2023 14:50

Hi,

I have had a ski holiday booked with my friend for the last six weeks. She is a bit flaky but I’ve never been in this position with her. I thought she was being unusually vague about the details and my suspicions have been confirmed today.

She has just texted me saying she doesn’t think she can’t come as she has pulled a muscle during yoga earlier this week and it’s too painful. I was with her last night and there didn’t seem anything wrong with her. I think she is either making this up or is really exaggerating (she can be a bit of a hypochondriac sometimes).

I thought she had been dropping hints she might not be able to come but I triple checked before the cut off for no refunds came. She told me to go ahead.

I have paid for everything and it’s nonrefundable (we have done this multiple times in the past with no issues so I wasn’t being overly naive). I haven’t discussed this aspect with her yet as I am too upset. We are meant to fly out tomorrow.

I am not sure what to do. My birthday is on Friday as well. It wasn’t originally envisioned as a birthday weekend just a cheapish off peak break :(

OP posts:
Gronkle · 12/01/2023 03:35

ImustLearn2Cook · 12/01/2023 03:19

I just realised that you posted this yesterday, so you’re probably on your holiday now.

Hope you have a great time.

It's after midnight, she'll be going today.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 12/01/2023 03:42

What was the outcome? Hopefully she is coming with you even if she can't ski

ImustLearn2Cook · 12/01/2023 05:06

Thx @Gronkle. I’m on the other side of the world in a different time zone and read the time as afternoon. I forgot that Mumsnet uses 24 hour clock.

HomemadePickle · 12/01/2023 06:13

My travel insurance will pay out for me if my travel companion is ill or injured and can’t travel BUT there’s a very high evidentiary burden. Pulled muscle wouldn’t cut it.

rookiemere · 12/01/2023 07:16

@OkIy I really hope you are at the airport and heading off for your trip.

I went for a solo break before Christmas just because I was fed up organising my friends. It was absolutely fine - just went at my own speed and had a relaxing time - maybe book a couple of lessons so you know the best runs.

Meant to be heading off today but one friend cancelled and the remaining pair of us decided not to go because of snow conditions. I'm slightly miffed at not having non refundable deposit paid by cancelling friend yet, but in this case she has very good reason and more important things to worry about, so I've reconciled myself to waiting for it as it's not a huge amount.

But in your case I would be getting every penny back. You don't screw friendships over like she has done.

I have to say going forward I have decided due to a number of reasons that I'm happy to come up with plans, but I will pay for my own room and flights and others can pay for theirs.

Unglamorousgranny · 12/01/2023 07:29

@OkIy
How has it turned out? Is she going to pay her share, & are you still going? Hope it all works out for the best for you

MaireadMcSweeney · 12/01/2023 07:33

This is pretty unforgivable. I'd be cancelling altogether and asking her to pay you the whole lot.

Jazzandblues · 12/01/2023 07:38

Not very nice that she has done this but I hope you decided to just go on and make it a solo trip - being alone often opens us up for new experiences. On the slope, you are bound to find someone looking to have a good time so go and have fun.

SpringIntoChaos · 12/01/2023 07:45

I don't understand why you've not asked for the money well before the holiday date!! You should have got it just after you paid for it! These threads appear on here all the time...it's not like you're asking for a loan...she OWES you the money the very second that you pay the bill!

You said she'd been 'dropping hints' recently about not coming...THEN was the time to insist she transferred the money 🤷‍♀️

Sorry you've had this trouble, your friend is a shit, but the money aspect is, in part, your fault. Never pay these huge sums of money upfront for someone else unless you are totally prepared to lose it 🤷‍♀️

ellyo · 12/01/2023 08:39

I wouldn't be looking into insurance for her or anything. A curt reply and a reminder that she still owes you her full payment. Hope you manage to make something of it!

Emotionalsupportviper · 12/01/2023 08:39

BadNomad · 11/01/2023 21:37

Nowhere has the friend said she won't pay for her half. All that has been said is that she can't go on the holiday.

This ⬆

And this is so last minute that OP hasn't had the chance to check with her if there's anything else going on - pregnancy, financial worries, coercive boyfriend - she's just very disappointed that she will be on her own on what was intended to be a lovely relaxing break with her best friend.

Yes - she'll need the money back, but it's more a "should I still go or should I cancel" situation ATM.

TheLadyofShalott1 · 12/01/2023 09:12

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 11/01/2023 14:53

Perhaps I’d message and say, “sorry you’re in pain. It’s too late to cancel the holiday, you’ll still have to pay your share. On that basis, why don’t you come anyway, even if you don’t ski? Take painkillers and see if you can book a massage over there? It might help”.

This.

RampantIvy · 12/01/2023 09:16

BadNomad · 11/01/2023 21:37

Nowhere has the friend said she won't pay for her half. All that has been said is that she can't go on the holiday.

I still think it odd that she wouldn't have paid the OP well before going though. Why the delay?

ImprobablePuffin · 12/01/2023 09:24

Hope you managed to get something sorted last night OP. I do hope you let us know - although I'm well aware you don't have to.

BadNomad · 12/01/2023 09:37

RampantIvy · 12/01/2023 09:16

I still think it odd that she wouldn't have paid the OP well before going though. Why the delay?

Show quote history

Maybe because the OP hasn't sent her the total yet. She said this is how they've always done it. One person does all the booking, then later they send the total to the other so they can pay their half back.

Muchtoomuchtodo · 12/01/2023 09:39

Hope you managed to get something sorted @OkIy and have a great trip, either by yourself or with someone else.

DottyLittleRainbow · 12/01/2023 09:47

You need to be assertive and tell her that it’s a shame she can’t come but that she will still need to reimburse you for her share. Perhaps suggest she comes along for the trip but doesn’t ski? The fact that she hadn’t suggested this makes it seem like she is trying to avoid paying.

MGMidget · 12/01/2023 10:16

Even if she can't ski she can presumably get on a plane so she can come and find other things to do in the resort. Most resorts have some options for non-skiers. It just means you won't have a friend to ski with but may be able to join a group, book some lessons to have company or do some guided ski excursions. You can both meet up for breakfast and apres-ski activities in the evenings. Possibly meet for lunch too. I would let her know the cost of the holiday and say she can still enjoy it and have a relaxing time without skiing and it would be a shame for her to have wasted so much of her money by not coming. Plus you would really appreciate her company as its a chance to have plenty of time together.

Unfortunately, though I suspect, you may be going to discover she isn't a true friend and has no intentions of paying her share of the holiday. She may be tightening her belt financially and that may be the real reason she has pulled out.

MGMidget · 12/01/2023 10:19

PS - I would remind her of the cost of the holiday rather than let her know as presumably she knows anyway and you should ensure that you are reminding her of her obligation to pay you in a gentle way so she doesn't respond by claiming ignorance that she was expected to pay anything. If she doesn't pay she isn't a friend.

notimagain · 12/01/2023 10:27

Given timings of posts and details within I suspect the OP is enroute to destination either right now or very shortly...with friend or not, refund in hand or not who knows?

If the OP is Europe bound then one bit of good news is there's been some sign of improvement in the snow situation at some resorts, oh and wishing the OP a Happy Birthday for tomorrow.

Mariposista · 12/01/2023 10:34

Unless her arse in on that plane seat or the full amount for her half in your account, the friendship should be over. How people dare to be such flaky shits.

whattodo1975 · 12/01/2023 11:13

Emotionalsupportviper · 12/01/2023 08:39

This ⬆

And this is so last minute that OP hasn't had the chance to check with her if there's anything else going on - pregnancy, financial worries, coercive boyfriend - she's just very disappointed that she will be on her own on what was intended to be a lovely relaxing break with her best friend.

Yes - she'll need the money back, but it's more a "should I still go or should I cancel" situation ATM.

Show quote history

Reading this thread I was starting to get worried that no one was going to blame the friends husband/boyfriend.

Sucks2B · 12/01/2023 11:16

I hope you are still going OP even if without her.

I'd be really annoyed in your position and tbh I think it would probably make me think twice about being a close friend with her in the future. What a pathetic excuse.

Anyway, if she hasn't gone with you, make sure she is aware she still needs to pay you!!! Under no circumstances is she to wriggle out of paying you back.

AgathaMystery · 12/01/2023 11:36

rookiemere · 12/01/2023 07:16

@OkIy I really hope you are at the airport and heading off for your trip.

I went for a solo break before Christmas just because I was fed up organising my friends. It was absolutely fine - just went at my own speed and had a relaxing time - maybe book a couple of lessons so you know the best runs.

Meant to be heading off today but one friend cancelled and the remaining pair of us decided not to go because of snow conditions. I'm slightly miffed at not having non refundable deposit paid by cancelling friend yet, but in this case she has very good reason and more important things to worry about, so I've reconciled myself to waiting for it as it's not a huge amount.

But in your case I would be getting every penny back. You don't screw friendships over like she has done.

I have to say going forward I have decided due to a number of reasons that I'm happy to come up with plans, but I will pay for my own room and flights and others can pay for theirs.

You could have gone with OP!!! Imagine - MN skiing buddies!

rookiemere · 12/01/2023 11:41

@AgathaMystery Smile.
Hopefully the OP is going somewhere with more snow!