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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend has pulled out of holiday the day before we are due to fly out

464 replies

OkIy · 11/01/2023 14:50

Hi,

I have had a ski holiday booked with my friend for the last six weeks. She is a bit flaky but I’ve never been in this position with her. I thought she was being unusually vague about the details and my suspicions have been confirmed today.

She has just texted me saying she doesn’t think she can’t come as she has pulled a muscle during yoga earlier this week and it’s too painful. I was with her last night and there didn’t seem anything wrong with her. I think she is either making this up or is really exaggerating (she can be a bit of a hypochondriac sometimes).

I thought she had been dropping hints she might not be able to come but I triple checked before the cut off for no refunds came. She told me to go ahead.

I have paid for everything and it’s nonrefundable (we have done this multiple times in the past with no issues so I wasn’t being overly naive). I haven’t discussed this aspect with her yet as I am too upset. We are meant to fly out tomorrow.

I am not sure what to do. My birthday is on Friday as well. It wasn’t originally envisioned as a birthday weekend just a cheapish off peak break :(

OP posts:
qpmz · 11/01/2023 20:44

Sounds like she didn't plan to come but buried her head in the sand. She could still come with a pulled muscle and just not ski. She could use the saunas and do the Apres Ski.
I hope you get your half back. Do you have another friend or family member who'd grab the chance of a last minute trip?

whynotwhatknot · 11/01/2023 20:51

i t8ink the friends arrived on here

theyre about to go but hasnt paid yet but apprently thats ok and there must be something else going on?

just pay up friend

wowwhydoesmybackhurtwaaah · 11/01/2023 21:03

No, its not the friend. It's just the normal people rather than the nasty malicious friendless vipers who swarmed on to the thread up front.

If a good friend os acting out of character like this, the usual reaction is to talk to them and find out what's going on, not shreik and rant about court and cutting them off and how they must have planning to do you wrong. Absolute nutters!

Twentypast · 11/01/2023 21:07

lovemelongtime · 11/01/2023 15:11

Your travel insurance will only cover you, so in this case would not pay out as you are physically able to go.

That's not true. It covers if travel companions can't travel. Would need a medical note proving that though.

I was booked with my sister and we had to cancel 3 days before travel as she needed emergency surgery. Her insurance paid for her and mine paid for me. I just had to show we were booked together and her doctor's note stating she needed surgery immediately.

Cakeorchocolate · 11/01/2023 21:16

Couldn't she go on the trip but not ski?

Failing that I would say travel insurance, but no sure how it would work in this situation.

Sorry op. Hope friend stumps up her share and deals with her loss after.

Intheroommadeasy · 11/01/2023 21:20

I'd go on my own tbh, it's really rubbish that she's being so weird about it but try and go and just have a great time.

EasterIsland · 11/01/2023 21:28

BruceAndNosh · 11/01/2023 16:44

Anyone laying bets on the flaky friend actually paying her half?

Well, I’m hoping that the flaky friend does pay up, for @OkIy ‘s sake, but I doubt that she will.

Flaky people are selfish, generally.

JammiDodgers · 11/01/2023 21:31

YellowAndGreenToBeSeen · 11/01/2023 14:52

I would let her know how upset, let down and angry I was, get my money back and cut all contact for a good while / until I had calmed down. For a pulled muscle?! Fuck that.

Yeah this . What a shit thing to do

surreygirl1987 · 11/01/2023 21:34

If a good friend os acting out of character like this, the usual reaction is to talk to them and find out what's going on, not shreik and rant about court and cutting them off and how they must have planning to do you wrong. Absolute nutters!

No...the 'usual' behaviour would be for the friend to be up front with the OP. That's what we should all expect. Or st least, when cancelling, to say 'of course I'll give you my share anyway". I'd be really upset if I was the OP, as I don't think the OP has dealt with this well at all. I can't imagine acting like that.

BadNomad · 11/01/2023 21:37

Nowhere has the friend said she won't pay for her half. All that has been said is that she can't go on the holiday.

Itloggedmeoutagain · 11/01/2023 21:37

ChildminderMum · 11/01/2023 15:10

I'd say to her sorry you don't think you'll be up for skiing, but it's too late to cancel now and since she'll be paying anyway she might as well come and enjoy the break.

Sounds good

DonkeyOatie · 11/01/2023 21:44

I would guess she hasn't got the money for her half

Branleuse · 11/01/2023 21:55

Tell her to stop being a dickhead and that she is coming

SuperHandss · 11/01/2023 21:59

ChildminderMum · 11/01/2023 15:10

I'd say to her sorry you don't think you'll be up for skiing, but it's too late to cancel now and since she'll be paying anyway she might as well come and enjoy the break.

100%

PS Transfer me your half now

Bucketheadbucketbum · 11/01/2023 22:00

Sorry for this op. Sounds rubbish. Hope she pays you. X

drpet49 · 11/01/2023 22:08

surreygirl1987 · 11/01/2023 21:34

If a good friend os acting out of character like this, the usual reaction is to talk to them and find out what's going on, not shreik and rant about court and cutting them off and how they must have planning to do you wrong. Absolute nutters!

No...the 'usual' behaviour would be for the friend to be up front with the OP. That's what we should all expect. Or st least, when cancelling, to say 'of course I'll give you my share anyway". I'd be really upset if I was the OP, as I don't think the OP has dealt with this well at all. I can't imagine acting like that.

Totally agree.

Teenagehorrorbag · 11/01/2023 22:11

I don't think your insurance will cover you for an injured friend not coming. She could easily go and do gentle nursery slopes and swim/spa/sit in mountain cafes and drink beer and hot chocolate while reading a book. That's what I did when DH and crazy teens were hurtling down black runs! (and I met other people and had fun, including one rather drunken afternoon at a piste-side bar with some ex-holiday reps, when I did my knee in.....Grin).

She can still do the apres ski with you and have fun in the evenings.

Not much fun for you though - do you ski already? Would you join ski school and meet people? If not it might take a day or two to meet some people to ski with, but I'm sure you would.

If she doesn't come with you then dump her - she's no friend. And definitely make sure she pays her share!

Refreshmentsanyone · 11/01/2023 22:12

BadNomad · 11/01/2023 21:37

Nowhere has the friend said she won't pay for her half. All that has been said is that she can't go on the holiday.

Which is this weekend.

Given it’s been booked since before Christmas I’d say she was stalling. In two days it’s will all be negliable.

ssd · 11/01/2023 22:22

Im really upset on your behalf op, this is appalling behaviour from a friend

Schnooze · 11/01/2023 22:30

Good luck in getting your money back op

changeme4this · 11/01/2023 22:30

shite happens, but she needs to transfer her share of the cost NOW to you, and if by some slim chance you can find someone else to go instead, then any adjustment can be returned to her thereafter.

but I'm with another poster earlier on who suggested she can still go, just don't ski!

HunkieDorie · 11/01/2023 22:33

So bad I would be pissed.

Ingleduh · 11/01/2023 22:34

Id tell he she might as well come anyways seeing as she's out of pocket either way, and better to get away an miss the actual skiing rather than be home out of pocket

Inastatus · 11/01/2023 22:35

Sorry this has happened to you OP. I would definitely do as others have suggested and tell her that it’s too late to get money back so she might as well come and enjoy what she can of the holiday. As I’ve got older I have got much less tolerant of flaky friends and though my circle of friends has become smaller, I now have a group that I can 100% rely on. I recommend a serious look at this friendship.

CheesenCrackersmm · 11/01/2023 22:37

I have paid for everything and it’s nonrefundable (we have done this multiple times in the past with no issues so I wasn’t being overly naive)

Has she ever been the one to pay for the holiday with you then paying her?