To think that single parents can work?

[pinknod]

I'm a trainee midwife in my second year, DS if four.

His dad is becoming increasingly useless and it mostly falls onto me now. My parents are helping with childcare as the shifts are 12.5 hours so normal childcare doesn't cover it.

But they are moving away once I qualify.

A colleague said I "may as well drop out now".

Surely, single parents work long shifts? Is there some trick that I'm missing?

I'm now feeling like once I qualify and no longer have my parents around, I'll have to give it up.

Midwifery is dreadful for childcare so it's difficult.

Single parents can work yes

without childcare however no

not sure why this is news to you

I work 9-5 3 days a week and couldn’t even do that without a significant amount of help from my parents.
My sons school has no wrap around care and for various reasons he can’t go with a childminder.

I worked almost FT as a lone parent but with set daytime hours. How will you manage childcare once your parents move away?

I worked long shifts as a single parent. But only because my Mum had my dc half the week. I had back up and back up to the back up.
My mum was also happy to arrange a babysitter if she needed childcare when she'd already agreed to have them. And she'd have them when they were sick.

So basically I had 4 'options'

I still had to take parental leave from time to time.

It's possible.

Yes, single parents can work but with younger children you need an understanding employer, solid childcare and back up for those moments it all goes wrong.

Shift work is hard to manage, particularly shifts over night - there’s not much childcare around for that. If any.

You will,probably need to hold out for a daytime only roll.

We’ll shift work is really hard to get childcare for
You could ask for community / set hours if that’s possible so you can use wrap around / childminders etc

Of course single parents can work. What is missing in your question is about said single parent's circumstances. A single parent working in the health profession will need a lot more in terms of childcare provision than someone working part time in a 9-5 office job. What you need is a plan.

I don't think I will, that's why I'm asking to see if I'm missing a trick somewhere. I know that I'm probably not.

Don’t give up. Complete your training and hopefully something will come up for you.

Of course single parents can work, but it would be very difficult in a job with 12 hour shifts and no childcare help. You need a job that’s in nursery hours really, 8am-6pm.

I think the responses so far say, yes single parents can work but without additional/back up childcare, only in jobs that can be done with the childcare available.

It not only sucks OP but you're expected/have to suck it up too. As well as all the asides of how Joanne Bloggs somewhere managed to do it so you can too. But yet we must remain cheerful, positive and never gripe nor moan. As we have the dc to do all for too.

OP you will be in demand. When you apply for jobs state your limitations and do a brilliant job when at work. You can find a job that suits you with so many midwives quitting

I think you may need to consider a role change until your DS is secondary age, something like health visitor where it's daytime only. DH worked 12.5 hour shifts with 30mins commute each way when DS was young. He didn't do any nursery/school drop off or pick up. I worked p/t to be able to do it all.

Is a part time role an option? Or day time only within wraparound times? Can you speak to anyone at your uni/hospital to see if they have any advice?

Once you qualify is there an option to be a health visitor?

Why are your parents moving away?

Could you move to where they are going and get a job in that area? Or would your parents not be willing to help you anymore? You would still need a back up plan for when your parents can't help you though.

I guess there isn't any family on the Dad's side? Sometimes the GP's are very interested in the child even if the Dad isn't.

Either his Dad will need to step up, or you'll have to try and get a job within childcare hours. I dont see what other options you have?

It’s hard enough working 9-5. Working shifts however will break you.

I went through a period of working 15 hour days a few years ago when mine were 5 & 7, the only way I managed was by paying a nanny. It was very expensive but thankfully I could offset the costs by claiming expenses.

I couldn't have trained as a nurse without my mums help with childcare . I don't know anyone who trained or who was newly qualified with young children who didn't have help from a partner or family thinking about it

I work 14 hour night shifts twice a week and a 6 hour day shift once a week and couldn't do it without my parents, at all.

Realistically, no, my best friend is a midwife and she has always needed support from her mum. Can you go straight onto the community when you qualify? Do you need experience to go and do the additional health visiting qualification?

i had a family member who is a midwife and she has something called family friendly hours so she does 3 fixed shifts each week and they don't change. She moved to this after coming off her first or maybe it was second maternity leave. Is that worth looking into? I don't know much about it I'm afraid other than she can't do extra (bank) shifts whilst on this shift pattern.

Health visiting is a different pathway to midwifery - I think OP would need an additional MSc, though obviously it’s something she could definitely look into. Booking in clinics etc are 9-5 though, so OP may not need to do 7-7 every shift.

OP, if you are able to get daytime-only shifts, you may be able to cope with a good babysitter or au pair if you have a spare bedroom.

I assume your son will be in school, and you’ll be working 3-4 shifts a week. An au pair could do drop off at school, and pickup from after school club, 3 days a week. Our breakfast/afterschool club run from 8am to 6pm, and it would be perfectly ok to get an au pair or childminder to cover 6:30-8am and 6pm-8pm 4 days a week. Nights would be harder, though you might find an au pair or overnight babysitter willing to cover. It won’t be cheap though.

Is your exDP really so useless they wouldn’t help out for one night a week? Don’t they do overnights at all? You could work PT.

Friend has two night minders from her child's daycare who she pays to cover nights. Her child sleeps through and minder sleeps in the spare room.

I'd be seriously considering getting an au pair..... Set hours is fine, shift work as a single parent with no family to help, not a chance.