To think that single parents can work?

[pinknod]

I'm a trainee midwife in my second year, DS if four.

His dad is becoming increasingly useless and it mostly falls onto me now. My parents are helping with childcare as the shifts are 12.5 hours so normal childcare doesn't cover it.

But they are moving away once I qualify.

A colleague said I "may as well drop out now".

Surely, single parents work long shifts? Is there some trick that I'm missing?

I'm now feeling like once I qualify and no longer have my parents around, I'll have to give it up.

You could consider community midwifery tagged onto local GP surgeries? That seems to be daytimes only (some saturdays). Imagine those jobs are rarer than rocking horse shit.

Or health visitor?

Unless your child's other parent is willing to parent atleast 50% of the time, or you have a childminder/nanny who will work the unsociable hours it's going to be nigh on impossible.
Your child's other grand parents? Other family members?

Tbh, this is exactly why I cannot go back to full time work in my own sector.
My work hours dictate leaving the house by 6am, back by 6pm.
The only provider who I could find to work those hours wanted additional pay for anything before 8am, and after 5pm, which is fine, but by the time I'd pay her, and for the other things she said she wanted no part in, IE the dog, or taking elder DD to/from school, I would actually be at a loss once I'd paid the expenses of getting to and from work, let alone keeping my professional qualifications up to date.

The only way I can see it is if you work as bank staff, better money, potentially you could work when your child is with Dad, or could you potentially share childcare with another mum in a similar position? If you can get your shifts to fall on opposite times, you can each have eachothers kids...assuming you know and trust one another

Hospitals are missing a trick here - a small block of flats, two bedroom, tagged onto the hospital for a nominal rent to lone parents to live in with their kids, with an optional pay in system for "warden" services to provide overnight care for the dc while the parent is on shift.

I totally agree that aupairing is a great opportunity for lots of young people - especially those who may otherwise not be able to travel. Sadly I also agree that it’s ripe for abuse. And trying to use an aupair as they’re ‘cheaper than a babysitter’ and will be able to cover you working away out of the home for 12.5 hour shifts including evenings and overnights just isn’t the workable solution op needs.

Unfortunately on mumsnet the answer to every childcare issue is ‘just get an aupair, much cheaper than nursery or a nanny.’ But 90% of the time an aupair isn’t really the solution to the op’s childcare issues.

I’m a nanny who covers shift workers. We do exist!!!

A lot of NHS shift workers, who are parents, take turns to watch each others kids (either directly or via a shared nanny). Other than that some nurseries and childminders do offer private out of hours childcare services to NHS employees - so you’d do well to ask around. I know all of this because bil is a shift worker and gets offered all kinds of support from colleagues and companies but the bugger finds it easier to drop DNs at mine!

I'm a single parent in health care too.
I couldn't do shifts though. I have no family nearby and no support whatsoever.

I work in the community and even with that I need to make use of before and after school clubs and babysitters. It is manageable but I would say you need a community post or to be really clear in any jobs you apply for you need family friendly hours.

Or just move to where your parents are moving to?

finish your training and then look for regular hours in the job. Worth a go

You will have a career though. So finish your course. They will work around you rather than let you go. Know your worth. Hold out for that day time role.

It was impossible for me and I had to give my career up altigether - no family, lone parent 24/7, rural area and kids with additional needs that required care at night so broken sleep too.

I thought i could have it all but circumstances can change quickly. I actually don't know anyone in my situation that has been able to work.

There really is a lot of judgypants here. I have a languages degree was genuinely interested in supporting someone to experience England and the language. I couldn’t afford a Nanny but it wasn’t just ‘cheap childcare’, it was a chance for my children to have another person as a constant who they enjoyed being with.
This was 8 years ago ish and in an area of the SE not overly well-off. Just offering one possible solution and pointing out that it is indeed feasible and even worthwhile for all.

Right, but presumably you weren’t trying to cover 12.5 hour shifts as a lone parent. As far as I’m aware op doesn’t harbour a burning desire to support a young person to learn English, so in her case it really would simply be cheap childcare, wouldn’t it?

Paid child care in my experience runs 8am - 6pm Monday to Friday.

Any job with hours outside of that is unsuitable for a single parent unless they have help from family or friends or childcare other than paid nursery

Some hospitals have nurseries nearby and you might be able to find a role that isn't a 12 hour shift- eg clinic or similar to fit in with the hours?

nobody who has young kids works 12.5h shifts without either a non-useless partner, loads of family help, or a nanny. you are presumably not in the income bracket to manage a nanny so when your parents move away your partner will have to stop being useless or you will need a different job. you are not missing anything apart from a rationale as to why you're just accepting your partners deliberate camouflage ineptness.

Well it can't be a shock to you to understand that reliable childcare is difficult at the best of time with 2 supportive parents, so with no support and 12 hr irregular (not set days) it's gonna be hard but don't write yourself off completely. He might be happy examen to have child over night. Drop them off at tea time collect in the morning. Start thinking aboutvit now. How can you grow your support? Is there another parent you could exchange baby sitting with? Most hospitals have creches and nurseries. Do you know a childminder who might do overnights. Start 'training' your child to feel comfortable around adults, even those she doesnt know well.
Also start looking around for roles that might work for you and start planning how you're going to make yourself attractive to the employer.
If your working long shifts (standard for hospital based midwifery) 3 shifts is as good a full time. Or maybe a GP surgery with school hours might work better.
Whatever you do don't do nothing!
Good luck

Employment law only allows you to count £60/week towards wages for provided accommodation and nothing for meals. So this does not add up to the equivalent of a babysitter.

If you read back, yes, 3 x 12hr shifts a week. They were at school 8.40-15.45 ish - and their dad did a random weekend afternoon with one or two of them last minute to deliberately sabotage me so yep, it can be done but it’s not easy. It wasn’t exploitative and it really was okay for us all most of the time and a win-win for all involved.