To think that single parents can work?

[pinknod]

I'm a trainee midwife in my second year, DS if four.

His dad is becoming increasingly useless and it mostly falls onto me now. My parents are helping with childcare as the shifts are 12.5 hours so normal childcare doesn't cover it.

But they are moving away once I qualify.

A colleague said I "may as well drop out now".

Surely, single parents work long shifts? Is there some trick that I'm missing?

I'm now feeling like once I qualify and no longer have my parents around, I'll have to give it up.

Wont you be required to work nights ? Must be a very hard job to do when there is no partner there

I work Monday - Friday with a two year old. I commit one day a week. My work has let me start early and finish early to fit around nursery. I don't have any family nearby and my ex partner is useless during the week. I am very seriously considering moving back in with my parents, quitting job and working part time as it is very hard and my mental health has really suffered (my daughter is an awful sleeper too)

I was a single mum and used my work nursery which had some flexibility. My work was good and I was able to pick shifts that worked round the nursery as they only did two days a week where they opened at 7 and the rest was 8am. Also i was able to work three long days a week including one day at the weekend. My ex was an ass but did pick child up but when he went rogue I had to change to more of a flexible role which fitted round nursery and when he went to school i used asc and did more of a 9-5. Dont give up your career, you can always choose to join an agency which gives you flexibility around your working days

DH was self employed when I was a student nurse and he had to do all the school runs and dinners etc when I was on long days. No way I could have done it otherwise. There were single parents on my course, but they all had very helpful parents/relatives.
Even the nursery at the actual hospital didn't run enough hours a day to work around a full long shift. Once DCs are school age it's pretty much impossible to work around them even with 9-5 hours unless you have people to do the school runs and wraparound care. Then there's school holidays.

I'd see if you can work on the bank and do half days, that may work as you could do earlies as it's easier to find before school care than something that ends at 8pm. Community midwifery still has antisocial hours (a colleague I worked with today was running a clinic 9-12 but had been up since she was called out at 1am!).

I worked outside of regular hours (night work) as a single parent but only because my DD’s dad would have her those evenings. Otherwise I wouldn’t have been able too as no family, outside of regular childcare hours and not wealthy enough for live in help.

I'm sorry but I don't see how this will be possible. Paid childcare is generally not an option to cover those sort of shifts unless you get a nanny/au pair. However on band 5 midwifery pay I don't think you will benefit much financially.

I left hospital nursing and did my HV training when I became a single parent when dc was 6 months old as I could not see how I would manage the shifts. Are there any day case units that would give you more 9-5 hours?

An aupair isn’t an appropriate childcare choice for a single parent working long hours. They are teens from other countries who are supposed to do some very light childcare and house work for ‘pocket money.’ I think what you mean is a nanny - which is very expensive!

To answer op, of course I think single parents can work. But can they work varied shifts for relatively low pay with no childcare? No, probably not.

My daughter is a nurse and works 12 hour shifts, while not a midwife she could not have worked while she was a single parent without me and my DH providing substantial childcare. It included school pick up, sleep over and school drop off and my job is also flexible enough to have stepped in for school holidays, inset days and emergencies. I’ve spent time in school, A&E and hospital stay overs, their father rarely steps up.

Lock down was a real juggle and struggle.

Unfortunately it’s very difficult OP.

My colleague only manger by going on to permanent nights. And palming off her daughter on anyone who'd have her. When she was a toddler she'd be left unattended quite a lot while mum was asleep. Fortunately nothing went wrong. One of my non single colleagues is now in a massive pickle as her nursery is no longer going to open at 6.30 am. Meaning she can't get to work.

Do some midwives not work community so daytime hours? I wouldn’t give up, you might figure something out in time.

Just mentioning that as many people unfortunately try to take advantage of these young women coming from other countries by hiring them as a cheap option when they need a full time nanny. It’s really unfair to take advantage of someone like that - if you need a nanny to provide regular sole charge childcare while you work then you have to pay for a nanny.

The only solution I can think of is to have an au pair who picks up from normal childcare.

Very, very challenging. From friends who are midwives it rare that a 12 hour shift is actually 12 hours and there are only really a few options for childcare out of ‘normal’ office times - aupair, nanny or family/friends.

Hope you find a solution!

A single parent on a midwifes salary cannot afford an au pair!

I looked into midwifery as always been interested and as a single parent it was impossible for me, no parents to support in fact both ill so really I’m there carer now, friends all work so can’t help and no other family not that it’d make a difference as they all work too and not just midwifery any Job! I’m yet to find anything in school/nursery hours.
So with a heavy heart I’m going to say you sadly are being unreasonable.

Is there anyone else on your course that's a single parent can you work opposing shifts? Could you put a wanted ad on childcare website looking for a suitable child minder? Are your parents moving far?

I couldn't stay in the care sector as I couldn't get childcare on weekends or bank holidays and evenings were tricky.

Without family you really are very restricted with what is out there. But then the costs for what I could find were prohibitive.

Agree that you'd need an au pair, or a very trusted family member or friend (who would likely also need to be paid in some way, or provided with free accommodation). I know some single mums who lived together and shared childcare, which worked quite well for a while until one got more serious with a partner - but even then, imagine that nights and unpredictable hours could be harder.

Do your parents want to stop childcare, or just want to move away? If it's the second one, could you move close by? Surely a benefit of midwifery is that there is demand in most places.

Alongside this, is there anything you can do to push your ex to be more involved? Realise he's the one at fault for this and it shouldn't be your responsibility, but it would be good for you but most importantly so much better for your son if he can step up. Are they close? Is he being lazy because he thinks your parents are always there to pick up the slack?

No I did mean an au pair..... Light childcare will cover school runs, evenings/night shifts. Cheaper than using a babysitter or a nanny.

I'm a single parent and wouldn't be able to do those hours. Childcare near me stops at 5.30, which has led to me turning down jobs that finish at 5 due to traffic making it impossible to collect dc.

I work part time 9-3 from home. Even getting home for 9 from school run is a bloody nightmare.

I’m afraid that’s not correct. An aupair is not a ‘cheaper’ version of a nanny. They aren’t an appropriate choice for somebody who needs 12.5 hour shifts covering and wants sole charge daily care for a small child!

This thread is so depressing. I really feel for you OP. I so hope you find a way. Do you have a community noticeboard where perhaps you could find someone nearby who can help? I like to believe that where there's a will there's a way but I understand that life is also hard and pay is shit. Good luck.

I’m an nhs shift worker too, with no living parents. For the 13hr shifts there’s an ex nursery worker who can sometimes pick up and take home and put my LO to bed, also sometimes does night sitting for me when I’m on nights. It’s hard.

OP I’ve posted on mumsnet about 3 times in my life but all these negative comments have prompted me to reply to your post. I work front line emergency services as a single parent. Mix of early, late and night shifts. It is tough, but 100% possible.
Before my pay grade increased, UC paid 85% of my childcare. £685 towards my bill when I was earning about 25-30k.
Ex has DS one weekend every 6 weeks.
Night shifts meant I saw more of DD than when I was 9-5 - I came home from my shift as he was getting up, took him to school, went to bed, got up and was there at the school gates at home time, which he loves. I have a wonderful babysitter who works through an agency for a couple of families, all frontline emergency services. As your child gets older, you’ll have more play dates and activities that take the edge off. You’ll meet other single parents, my sons closest friends are children of single mums and they’ve become like extended family.
I am not for one second saying it’s easy. It’s tough and you need to be super organised. But I love my job and the idea of going back to an office is too depressing to contemplate. If this is the career you want to pursue, please don’t think it’s impossible.

Single parents with no family support can work but it's difficult. You either need a job with standard hours or lots of money to throw at expensive, flexible childcare...ie. a nanny.