Page 26 | To bring a fizzy drink to a meal?

mapofthechicks · 2023-01-10T19:40:57+00:00

So, I visited my boyfriend's family for the first time on Sunday His mum cooked for us all. Lovely meal. When I arrived, I came with a bottle of lemonade. I said this to his mum ''I've got this, can I pop it in the fridge? Please help yourselves'' When having dinner, I asked for a glass (there were only small wine glasses on the table). His mum said 'but we're having wine?' I said no thanks, I'll just have some of the lemonade please' She seemed really [confused] at me! We had a nice meal and then my boyfriend mentioned to me today 'Mum was really confused about your lemonade! Maybe don't do that next time [wink]' AIBU to think it's fine? It wasn't just for me. Anyone could've helped themselves but it was ^so^ strange. It was as if I had placed 10g of coke on the table and told everyone to help themselves to a line Very odd indeed surely?

RampantIvy · 11/01/2023 22:52

I would also never assume that everyone drinks wine.

AreOttersJustWetCats · 12/01/2023 07:29

thing47 · 11/01/2023 22:27

This is pure snobbery, though. You're quite happy for a guest to bring their own drinks as long as it's something you approve of? Like Elderflower 😂

And those equating 'fizzy' drinks with 'sugary' drinks, you are aware that almost all fizzy drinks come in sugar-free versions, right? So in fact contain far less sugar than a glass of wine. But of course a glass of wine is 'nicer' than a glass of lemonade, so that's fine. I agree with @NoNewsIsGoodNews snobbery really is a most unattractive quality.

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No - the elderflower example was someone bringing it to a BBQ. Unless I misunderstood the poster. People can bring all sorts of things to a BBQ - totally different type of meal.

AreOttersJustWetCats · 12/01/2023 07:30

we don't live near any shops, so we always have a few bottles in. We don't just buy one bottle at a time for immediate consumption.

Same.

AreOttersJustWetCats · 12/01/2023 07:31

thing47 · 11/01/2023 22:27

This is pure snobbery, though. You're quite happy for a guest to bring their own drinks as long as it's something you approve of? Like Elderflower 😂

And those equating 'fizzy' drinks with 'sugary' drinks, you are aware that almost all fizzy drinks come in sugar-free versions, right? So in fact contain far less sugar than a glass of wine. But of course a glass of wine is 'nicer' than a glass of lemonade, so that's fine. I agree with @NoNewsIsGoodNews snobbery really is a most unattractive quality.

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The sugar free versions are worse though! Full of manky tasting sweeteners.

Norisca · 12/01/2023 07:32

Climbles · 11/01/2023 21:39

Fizzy drink with meals is obviously not the done thing in their family. However, it’s extremely low class to make guests feel uncomfortable. My guess is they insecure and use stupid rules to make themselves feel better.

This! True class is making everyone welcome and not judging guests.

AreOttersJustWetCats · 12/01/2023 07:36

I do agree that the mum was rude and ungracious to comment on it. And she shouldn't have said "but we're having wine". She should have said, "oh, if you don't want wine we have X, Y & Z if you like?"

Expecting your guests to drink alcohol without checking they want it is way out of order.

Sparklingbrook · 12/01/2023 07:48

I think it was a bit shitty of the BF to repeat what his mother said. And the not doing it next time- maybe his mother could get some lemonade in!

Gabby8 · 12/01/2023 08:01

I’m really quite perplexed by the pretentious comments on this thread. Plenty of middle class and upper middle class people drink lemonade. I think there’s a few wind up posts tbh.

The majority of hosts would ensure a range of both alcoholic and non alcoholic beverages available. People seem to keep missing that the chocolates were the gift not the bottle of lemonade. I do find the MIL rude to assume she would drink wine and then making her son feel uncomfortable after. Not classy at all.

NoNewsIsGoodNews · 12/01/2023 08:04

I think most sensible people are saying the same thing. As a host, you should try and have a decent range of drinks for guests, especially if they are new to you: alcoholic and soft drinks. The guest should bring something small for the host eg chocs/drink and accept one of the range of drinks on offer or drink water.

No host needs to show their faux ‘confusion’ over a bottle of 7UP and then pointedly return it to the guest.

TheGuv1982 · 12/01/2023 08:04

Nothing wrong with rocking up with a soft drink, the mistake you made was not turning up with a bottle of wine for them.

Sennelier1 · 12/01/2023 08:11

@RampantIvy exactly how we do it. We buy wine for ourselves and many of our friends, because that's what we like. Not every evening of course, we usually drink water with a meal - Sodastream for sparkling. We have apple- and orange juice, and some sirups to add to sparkling water. But! If and when we expect visitors who we know don't drink wine, we ask them what they like and buy that. Serve it in a nice glass too! Yes indeed, that's what a good host does! If the young lady or her boyfriend had spoken up in advance the mother would probably have added a bottle of lemonade to her shopping.

Appleass · 12/01/2023 08:42

Your are absolutely NOT unreasonable !

DesertIslandCondiment · 12/01/2023 08:59

MilkyYay · 11/01/2023 20:57

Is it normal to drink lemonade at dinner?

I've never seen an adult do it. We don't really buy fizzy/sugary drinks in our house. Only really a small amount of orange juice that the kids have with breakfast on weekends.

We might have non alcoholic wine or gin in if we knew a non drinker was coming.

Yes, it is normal to drink lemonade at dinner for some people.

Why on earth would you offer non alcoholic wine or gin (which are mostly shit) to a non drinker and not a soft drink?

Snoopfroggyfrogg · 12/01/2023 09:06

thing47 · 11/01/2023 22:27

This is pure snobbery, though. You're quite happy for a guest to bring their own drinks as long as it's something you approve of? Like Elderflower 😂

And those equating 'fizzy' drinks with 'sugary' drinks, you are aware that almost all fizzy drinks come in sugar-free versions, right? So in fact contain far less sugar than a glass of wine. But of course a glass of wine is 'nicer' than a glass of lemonade, so that's fine. I agree with @NoNewsIsGoodNews snobbery really is a most unattractive quality.

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It's not pure snobbery. Arguably that's one element, I'm not going to rule it out. It's more about acknowledging the host's efforts by bringing something that infers a bit of effort or occasion too. As I say, this would be a brief thought as the guest's enjoyment is key and it wouldn't really affect me what they drink. The OP doesn't mention any cost restraints so we won't assume any. Another example may be that a vegan offers to bring their own main to a lavish Xmas dinner and brings a bag of frozen vegan nuggets. Doesn't affect the host and it's their dinner, but it doesn't really match the rest of the effort or quality and is a bit childish. Just trying to guess at the Mum's thought process, as I say her lack of manners was the standout thing!

DesertIslandCondiment · 12/01/2023 09:12

The Mum is uptight. Even if she didn't approve she could have kept her mouth shut. So Mum thought OP didn't behave appropriately but neither did she show any class.

I think it is hilarious how some people get so upset over the smallest thing.

RampantIvy · 12/01/2023 09:14

Nothing wrong with rocking up with a soft drink, the mistake you made was not turning up with a bottle of wine for them.

The mistake you made @TheGuv1982 was to advise a non wine drinker to take a bottle of wine to a meal. She would probably have offended the hosts even more by taking a bottle of wine they wouldn’t want to drink. Besides, she did take a box of chocolates.

It's not pure snobbery

I disagree. It is. It really is @Snoopfroggyfrogg. It is obvious from the posts on here that none of us would have 7Up in the house, so if that is the only drink the OP would want to drink it isn't unreasonable for her to assume the hosts wouldn't have either.

Oh, and I am taking a bottle of non alcoholic fizz (Elderflower presse, but it might have equally been coke or lemonade) to a safari supper this weekend because I am driving. Is that OK with everyone?

phoenixrosehere · 12/01/2023 09:18

Sennelier1 · 12/01/2023 08:11

@RampantIvy exactly how we do it. We buy wine for ourselves and many of our friends, because that's what we like. Not every evening of course, we usually drink water with a meal - Sodastream for sparkling. We have apple- and orange juice, and some sirups to add to sparkling water. But! If and when we expect visitors who we know don't drink wine, we ask them what they like and buy that. Serve it in a nice glass too! Yes indeed, that's what a good host does! If the young lady or her boyfriend had spoken up in advance the mother would probably have added a bottle of lemonade to her shopping.

If the young lady or her boyfriend had spoken up in advance the mother would probably have added a bottle of lemonade to her shopping.

In the same breath, the mother could have asked since she is hosting. It is no different than asking if someone has allergies, intolerances, specific dietary needs etc.

phoenixrosehere · 12/01/2023 09:25

Snoopfroggyfrogg · 12/01/2023 09:06

It's not pure snobbery. Arguably that's one element, I'm not going to rule it out. It's more about acknowledging the host's efforts by bringing something that infers a bit of effort or occasion too. As I say, this would be a brief thought as the guest's enjoyment is key and it wouldn't really affect me what they drink. The OP doesn't mention any cost restraints so we won't assume any. Another example may be that a vegan offers to bring their own main to a lavish Xmas dinner and brings a bag of frozen vegan nuggets. Doesn't affect the host and it's their dinner, but it doesn't really match the rest of the effort or quality and is a bit childish. Just trying to guess at the Mum's thought process, as I say her lack of manners was the standout thing!

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Is a roast considered fancy?

OP also brought chocolates and asked in advanced if they should bring anything. Arguably, that was time his mum could have asked about drinks and what not and OP could have mentioned something.

RampantIvy · 12/01/2023 09:29

If the boyfriend knew that the OP only drank 7Up why couldn't he have given his mum the heads up?

Headabovetheparakeet · 12/01/2023 09:33

This issue was caused by the boyfriend who could easily have anticipated and prevented it.

All he needed to do was set some expectations for his mum and the op. The fact he then told op what his mum said is unbelievably rude. He comes across as inconsiderate and immature.

pelargoniums · 12/01/2023 09:39

phoenixrosehere · 12/01/2023 09:18

If the young lady or her boyfriend had spoken up in advance the mother would probably have added a bottle of lemonade to her shopping.

In the same breath, the mother could have asked since she is hosting. It is no different than asking if someone has allergies, intolerances, specific dietary needs etc.

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Allergies, intolerances, and specific diets for health- religious- and moral-related reasons are quite different from an adult not drinking water. It honestly wouldn’t occur to me to check what someone wanted to drink, soft drink wise, because everyone I know drinks water and serves water with meals. I don’t know anyone who has fizzy drinks on standby for guests just in case, or has them in the house as standard – largely it’s a case of getting a bottle of lemonade at Christmas and when it’s gone it’s gone. So it just wouldn’t occur that I’d need to cater for someone who couldn’t manage a couple of hours without 7Up. I wouldn’t think to ask “And do we need to get in a 2l bottle of pop” any more than I’d ask an adult “And will we need extra bottles of red sauce and some special chicken nuggets and beans on a kiddy plate?”

MaryMcCarthy · 12/01/2023 09:43

Can we agree it was terrible hosting from a rude mother, but that it's also a bit weird to take a 2l bottle of pop to your first meeting with the in-laws? I wouldn't be bothered by a guest bringing 7up, but it's obvious that some people would be.

Some people have an irrational disdain for fizzy pop and might have taken against the OP as a result. You have to anticipate stuff like this, as irrational as it is.

Prior actions and a bit of thought from the mother, certainly her son, or the OP could have easily prevented this situation so I blame them all to differing extents.

phoenixrosehere · 12/01/2023 09:55

pelargoniums · 12/01/2023 09:39

Allergies, intolerances, and specific diets for health- religious- and moral-related reasons are quite different from an adult not drinking water. It honestly wouldn’t occur to me to check what someone wanted to drink, soft drink wise, because everyone I know drinks water and serves water with meals. I don’t know anyone who has fizzy drinks on standby for guests just in case, or has them in the house as standard – largely it’s a case of getting a bottle of lemonade at Christmas and when it’s gone it’s gone. So it just wouldn’t occur that I’d need to cater for someone who couldn’t manage a couple of hours without 7Up. I wouldn’t think to ask “And do we need to get in a 2l bottle of pop” any more than I’d ask an adult “And will we need extra bottles of red sauce and some special chicken nuggets and beans on a kiddy plate?”

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It honestly wouldn’t occur to me to check what someone wanted to drink, soft drink wise, because everyone I know drinks water and serves water with meals. I don’t know anyone who has fizzy drinks on standby for guests just in case, or has them in the house as standard – largely it’s a case of getting a bottle of lemonade at Christmas and when it’s gone it’s gone.

Everyone you know but if the person is a stranger or someone you’ve never had a meal with, you simply assume they’ll be happy with water nor think to ask?

I disagree that it is different. You’re hosting to someone you don’t know well and/or never met so expecting them to be like everyone that you do know, makes no sense.

Snoopfroggyfrogg · 12/01/2023 10:02

phoenixrosehere · 12/01/2023 09:25

Is a roast considered fancy?

OP also brought chocolates and asked in advanced if they should bring anything. Arguably, that was time his mum could have asked about drinks and what not and OP could have mentioned something.

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A roast is pretty commonplace so not necessarily fancy, but there is a fair bit of effort and expense involved (this can vary greatly) in a nice one.

MaryMcCarthy · 12/01/2023 10:05

It honestly wouldn’t occur to me to check what someone wanted to drink, soft drink wise, because everyone I know drinks water and serves water with meals.

So because that's what you know, you assume it's universal?

People can be very solipsistic at times, can't they?