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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh disapproves of coffee in bed?

301 replies

Yesterdaywasntreal · 10/01/2023 11:40

Please help settle a disagreement. Early mornings with dcs are proving challenging atm, therefore I have suggested bringing our Dulce Gusto pod machine up to the bedroom. This will mean i can enjoy a quick coffee before the chaos starts, rather than during or not at all. Dh thinks it should stay in the kitchen "where it belongs." He says coffee in bed is lazy. AIBU or should I be a rebel?

OP posts:
ShaunaTheSheep · 10/01/2023 13:28

Coffee in bed is lazy? Counter that with doing work emails in bed is lazy.

Either you get your coffee and he gets to piss about on his phone work OR you both get up and head for the kitchen to deal with DC, share a coffee then he can work if there's any time left.

I would not expect him to make you a coffee and bring it to you. That smacks of entitlement, unless he's offered.

zingally · 10/01/2023 13:31

It's a little bit weird, but you do you boo.

Original poster
Yesterdaywasntreal · 10/01/2023 13:31

'love my cup of coffee in bed so YANBU for that, but YABU for using one of those insanely wasteful machines.'

@BloodAndFire you are absolutely right. I know I shouldn't be using it in the first place, really bad for the environment. 😌i am BU with this aspect definately.

OP posts:
C8H10N4O2 · 10/01/2023 13:33

Yesterdaywasntreal · 10/01/2023 12:40

'If HE doesn't like the idea of coffee machine in the bedroom then it is up to HIM to either provide the coffee YOU feel will things better for YOU or to share in the tasks with the kids to share the morning load better to enable you to have your coffee.'

Yes he should, he will say he doesn't have time to deal with dcs or breakfast etc as "too busy with work" lying in bed on his work phone until last minute when he gets ready, and heads to office. Meanwhile I'm run ragged with dcs, one doesn't want to get ready or go to school and cries, big battle to get ready, other one doesn't want to go to help drop off. Then I look at time and it is rushing out door, forget my drink. Through the night his phone vibrates with emails etc and he will say he has put it on 'don't disturb.' 🤔

Bugger that for a lark. I'm with @MangoBiscuit - when kids are small and all is chaos you take the path of least resistance. If he doesn't like coffee upstairs he can haul arse out of bed so he doesn't have to see it. After all, bed isn't the place for "work" either is it?

Sounds like a grade A hypocrite to me- I'd just move the machine upstairs.

bringmetheheadofpastaalfredo · 10/01/2023 13:33

BloodAndFire · 10/01/2023 13:25

I love my cup of coffee in bed so YANBU for that, but YABU for using one of those insanely wasteful machines.

Wasteful how? The pods can be collected for recycling. I mean, they're not not wasteful, but no worse than many things

AliceS1994 · 10/01/2023 13:34

Life's too short to worry about that, I say rebel! Have your coffee in bed a enjoy a well deserved moments peace!

Whatwhatwhatnow · 10/01/2023 13:35

Afraid I'm on your husband's side although not because I think it's lazy. DH likes coffee in bed but despite him claiming to be careful we now have coffee stains on the sheets. I hate it.

nc1013 · 10/01/2023 13:35

What a sad life that he doesn't think you should drink coffee in bed. Full stop.

What about pre-kids when you had long lazy Sunday mornings in bed? Was coffee permitted then?

Schnooze · 10/01/2023 13:36

I think it’s a great idea. The machines are really cheap (can often pick up for £40) so just buy another one for downstairs if need be. It’s the pods that are expensive.

Dh can choose how to solve your need for coffee. He either brings you one up if he’s so against appliances in the bedroom, or you get your coffee machine.

beachshellshome · 10/01/2023 13:36

Enjoy your coffee in bed! It's fine I don't understand why he is so bothered by it.

HelloSunshine11 · 10/01/2023 13:36

When DS was small and our bedroom was on the top floor of three, I used to have a kettle and a mini fridge in our room. It was ostensibly because I was pumping / prepping bottles, but we also had teabags, a mug and a pint of milk on hand! Do whatever needs doing to get through the day I say. It's your home too - just bring it up, he's not the sole decision-maker.

bringmetheheadofpastaalfredo · 10/01/2023 13:37

Whatwhatwhatnow · 10/01/2023 13:35

Afraid I'm on your husband's side although not because I think it's lazy. DH likes coffee in bed but despite him claiming to be careful we now have coffee stains on the sheets. I hate it.

How much do you want to bet that OP is the one buying the sheets, washing the sheets, and making the bed?

Original poster
Yesterdaywasntreal · 10/01/2023 13:43

@bringmetheheadofpastaalfredo this exactly, i do wash and change the sheets. Haven't spilt coffee yet but dh has left sweat marks before on our white sheet set 😯

OP posts:
SantaBakula · 10/01/2023 13:45

I have a coffee machine in my bedroom. It uses groud coffee so I have a big yought pot next to it for the used grounds. I don't have milk so no issue there and it's cup is either
in place waiting to be filled
In my hand been drank from
Or in the bathroom having been 2ashed either it's own sponge sat upside down on it's own mat .
I have a larger coffee machine in the kitchen

Go for it @Yesterdaywasntreal

ArtixLynx · 10/01/2023 13:45

i have one in my room, i don't use it much, but its nice to have it there if i want one!

Knittedfairies · 10/01/2023 13:45

Put the coffee machine in the bedroom. Try it for a week or two; if it makes your mornings easier, leave it there. If it makes little difference take it back down to the kitchen.

Original poster
Yesterdaywasntreal · 10/01/2023 13:46

@Schnooze

'I think it’s a great idea. The machines are really cheap (can often pick up for £40) so just buy another one for downstairs if need be. It’s the pods that are expensive.'

Thank you, I just have the one coffee in the morning then a tea in afternoon, a second machine sounds great if needed. We bulk buy the pods on Amazon subscribe and save which helps alittle.

OP posts:
Stickstickstickstickstick · 10/01/2023 13:46

He ‘works’ from bed in the morning and doesn’t help you with the kids so that he has time to cycle at lunch time and can’t bring himself to make you a coffee?! In that situation I wouldn’t ask, I’d just move the machine.

Original poster
Yesterdaywasntreal · 10/01/2023 13:47

@Knittedfairies I love the idea of a trial run, great Idea. I'm going to tell dh this is what we are doing!

OP posts:
Ilovehamandtoast · 10/01/2023 13:47

If your husband is truly reading this, I feel he's making it all about himself and his needs. Where do your needs come into it?

It sounds like his whole daily focus is himself. The phone vibration selfishly, the shower while you're trying to manage chaos. The coming down to "his" coffee. The fucking lunchtime cycle.

It's not a big ask. Why don't you suggest a 4 week trial. Then weigh up the benefits versus the drawbacks. Maybe he could take his fucking coffee into the shower with him. Maybe he could think about your needs and how it will help you. It's not the "husband" show.

I need you to read him that word for word 😂

NewUserName2023 · 10/01/2023 13:49

Does having a penis mean he's incapable of getting up first and bring you coffee in bed? First up makes the coffee (presses a button!) in our house!

HumpHumpWhale · 10/01/2023 13:49

I'm not good at mornings, so my DH brings me tea in bed before the kids are up and does between 50% and 95% of the morning routine with them, depending on how early a start he has. On the odd occasion where he has a v early start and I'm not up when he leaves, he pre-boils the kettle and leaves the mug and tea leaves ready to go. I personally wouldn't want a coffee machine in my room, but I feel him getting up and making you a coffee is a good compromise.

QuinkWashable · 10/01/2023 13:50

My nan and grandad had a teasmade, started everymorning in bed with a cup of tea. I think it's a great idea.

Not if it means not having one downstairs though - I don't think bringing the one household machine up is a great idea.

Pearlygates · 10/01/2023 13:50

Personally, I wouldn't bring it upstairs so I'm with your DH on this one.

emptythelitterbox · 10/01/2023 13:50

I don't even know why he gets a say or why you have to ask him?
He's not your Dad.

Just bring the machine up and set it up like a posh hotel does with cups, small tray of biscuits, napkins.

I've had a kettle in my bedroom for more than a decade. I suffer insomnia and it's so nice to make a cup of herbal tea when I can't sleep without having to traipse downstairs in the dark to the kitchen.

You mentioned out the door. Are you off to a job of your own?