To be worried about school shootings/guns?

[Nogbreaks]

DW, American, has the opportunity to take a great job in a US East coast city. She's keen, having lived her for 20 years, to go for a few years ( maybe more) with the kids. She was approached for this role, wasn't seeking it, nor have we be planning on ever living in the USA, though it has come up from time to time.

Apart from the obvious - we'd be uprooting our 11 and 13 year olds who are very happy, settled in school, I'd have to find a job ( though could get a green card as we're married), we have a fantastic community and network around us which I find particularly helpful as I do the most of the 'wife work' on top of my FT time job as DW is the main earner by a long chalk, we'd be moving to a city where we know no-one at all...

I'm really GENUINELY worried about the safety of our kids going to a school in the US. I don't want them to have shooter drills and all that comes with it. I don't want to take them on what we could dress up as an adventure where we have to worried about the gun culture in the city were in. As an East coast city it does have stricter gun laws, but pretty much anyone can still have a weapon.

Is that a daft reason to refuse to go? My career and aspirations there are 2nd as I could maybe maybe transfer with my current company, and I'm acutely aware of all DW has given up to live in the UK all this time with me.

You ibis full well. It’s used all over here. This sort of disingenuousness is tiresome.

Also a 12 and 14 year old (next year) are awkward ages to change lives completely

How happy would you be if one or both said they wanted to stay over there when you want to come back to UK?

Would you stay there too or come back?

Would you rent out your home so you know you have a base to come back to or sell it then buy another home again when you return?

After putting your stuff in storage for 2 years or however long you are away for?

Or would you sell it all or give it away or take everything with you by shipping it over?

@dreamingbohemian you seem to be taking this thread quite personally. I don't think anyone is'turning their nose up' at the opportunity, just discussing their opinions, personal experience and what they would consider to be deciding factors in a major move abroad.

One of the other things that puts me off the States is the really poor employment rights.

'If it is a 10/12 hour drive from the state you are thinking about to her parents isn't it quicker from UK to fly to them?'

No, it's a long flight followed by a long drive ( takes best part of 24 hrs to get there with immigration, car pick up etc. and is exhausting) but more importantly VERY expensive for the 4 of us, ranges from £5k - £10k depending on time of year with car hire. Plus going for less than 10 days isn't worth it etc.

Petrol for that kind of drive in the US is far cheaper, plus the option of cheap internal flights that would get us there in no time. Or meeting half way. Or taking vacation trips together in the US.

We would definitely see them more, and other family & friends too in the US.

Is it Boston and kids will go to British School of Boston? I would recommend that 100%

Not taking it personally as such, it just does get very tiresome seeing thread after thread where people talk about how horrible the US is, often based on massive assumptions and generalisations.

If you are living in a Boston suburb, you really don't have to worry that much about crime, you can assume most households do not have guns, the schools are excellent, etc.

That's why I do wish people would be specific on relocation threads so you don't get people going on about gun culture in Texas or meth heads in Ohio or whatever. It's a huge and diverse country.

I would go. Life is short

'Boston and kids will go to British School of Boston?'

It could be, and they could do. Living location is fairly flexible.

If it is this then, yes, definitely do it. I take back my last post!

I'm just going to add that I really, really like the States! I think it's an amazing, fascinating country and I have travelled extensively, like to 40 States over the years and made some great friends and had wonderful experiences.

I'm just not sure I want to raise kids there, even for a few years.

I know the US can seem nuts, but it's as if we took the whole of Europe made it one country and then started comparing one area to another.

@AnxiousPancreas Did you or your kids attend?

@Nogbreaks
"Guns are now the #1 killer of children in the USA - 100 children a week are killed because of a firearm. And that's not including those injured."

That's a shocking statistic.

16 children were killed in Dunblane and this country completely changed it's gun laws.
A Dunblane massacre happens every day of every week of every year in the US and nothing happens.

@BrownDaisy it is awful, and it leaves many, many people feeling unsafe there.
A 6 year old has just taken his mum’s gun into school and shot his teacher.
in what world should a 6 year old be able
to get a gun?

I'm originally from the USA and I've lived in the UK for a while now. I wouldn't want to move back, in part because of the gun laws, but actually more because of the healthcare (having coverage now, while you're young and healthy, isn't the same as when they inevitably cut you off when you're old and decrepit and actually need it, never mind the crappy coverage for dependants); and equally because my kids are old enough but young enough that the interruption to their lives would be greater than as babies or adults.

I think you should probably be worrying less about the guns and more about the impact on your kids of moving country. I can tell you from firsthand experience it's harder to move country when you're in school than when you're an adult, I've done it both times. And for some reason people seem to think that because the language is pretty much the same that must mean that things are more similar culturally than they actually are. I think if they're used to things in the UK then they will struggle moving there.

Thank you for saying that : )

I guess I would just look at it like this, right now there are Americans wondering if they should take up a new job in the UK (I see this on other expat sites I'm on) and people are like, are you crazy, the UK is falling apart, nothing works, you'll die before you get medical treatment, knife crime, county lines, corrupt and incompetent government, etc etc

Yet this is the country you live in and presumably manage very well in, are happy in, can raise your children in. For you at least, the reality is different from the perceptions.

I think the main concerns about going (once you know you are going somewhere LGBT-friendly) would be your children's education and healthcare, but if you can send them to a British school and have excellent health insurance, that is a huge relief.

What a fantastic opportunity. Go for it. I wouldn't be thinking twice.

If the OP didn't have teenage children, I'd tell her to go like a shot if the finances stacked up.

But she does. Moving teenagers is a really, really terrible idea unless you absolutely have to. And the OP isn't in that situation.

It has nothing to do with being anti American. I've lived there for several years at various times of my live.

So after further discussion with DW,
nothing is set, there would still be a lot to negotiate AND she is considering the idea ( because the job/company would be fab to work for) of taking the option of being based in the European office.

Which, although still a big move if we all go, deffo more manageable, easier education wise for kids - though we’d prob still look at an international school over local schooling- easier to undo if we’re not happy PLUS I can keep my current job as it really doesn’t matter where in Europe I work from.

$200k doesn’t go anywhere near as far on the east coast as it does in the UK. I certainly wouldn’t uproot a family of 4 for that.

@BritWifeInUSA it’s closer to $300k with bonuses worth $200+ for on target performance.
money isn’t the issue

If one of the main factors is safety in schools. As you plan on paying for a British school would you consider instead using that money to have the kids home schooled? They could still do sports and other activities for social interactions bit at least you will have more peace of mind around the guns/schools part of the equation.

Sorry for the typos

‘As you plan on paying for a British school would you consider instead using that money to have the kids home schooled?’

god no! I work FT, and have no intention on becoming financially dependent on DW much as I love her, and it really wouldn’t be sensible to be so dependent ( green card, money, pension)on another person!
lockdown homeschooling I just about managed but I can’t teach my kids Spanish, French, Science as well as Maths, English, History etc…

Interesting question… It sounds like you have a mostly realistic expectation of the States. I’m not worried about guns, I have a healthy respect for the, but not worried. However your worries are yours so I’m not going to try to convince you otherwise.

I would be more worried about the $200K. I know that sounds a lot but depending on where you live (especially on the East Coast) that may sound like a lot, but may not be the game changer you’re expecting (depending on your circumstances now). Private schools are equivalent expensive here as they are in the UK, so tread lightly with that.

Healthcare and costs are a non-issue in my experience, with Insurance it will likely be one of the smallest hits to your budget.

At the end of the day it’s different, some good, some bad. Most of the big headline issues aren’t necessarily day to day impacts for run of the mill Americans. Local issues usually have far more impact, so hard to get a handle on from afar.

Otherwise, I’m more than happy to give my opinion if you have specific questions

BTW… you couldn’t pay me to live in Baltimore. I’m sure there are nice bits but nope…wouldn’t bother with it. Far better places to live IMO