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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About letting dc practice basketball on the drive 5x a week?

245 replies

GCSquirrel · 09/01/2023 19:03

The neighbour across the road has complained. This neighbour doesn’t actually live here full time, her and her dh come down 10 days a month as it’s their second home. She says that dc practicing is ruining her time here and that last time she was down she considered booking into a hotel 🙄.

Ds is 10 and is mad keen on basketball. He has one training session after school per week and a training session on either a Saturday or a Sunday. He doesn’t practice on the driveway on those days so he’s only out there 5 days a week. It always immediately after school on weekdays and never before 10am or after about 5pm at the weekend. I never let him stay out there for more than an hour. The driveway is across our front garden which has a 6 foot wall around it and a solid gate so the ball never bounces out. It’s just the noise of him bouncing that drives her mad.

I spoke to her and told her that I’m not going to stop dc from practicing. If she’d been slightly more reasonable about it I offer have asked her if there were times that it particularly bothered her and got dc to work around that. Instead she came marching across the road, banging on the door and telling me how much she’d paid for her house and how my family was ruining the one place that she came to relax. I’m on really good terms with all my other neighbours and they all know dc well enough to feel comfortable to go out and tell him to pack it in if it’s annoying them for whatever reason.

AIBU not to reduce dc practicing when neighbours are down?

OP posts:
WhereHasTheYoungMeGone · 10/01/2023 01:12

We bought our son a basketball net.

The constant bouncing of the ball on the patio and then the noise of the ball as it hit the backboard even drove me mad!

We are fortunate as we live remotely and have no neighbours!

Trez1510 · 10/01/2023 01:14

To test the reasonableness or otherwise of the complaining neighbour, it would be a fairer test to have your son practice when all the neighbours were at home rather than when they are out.

Why not have him to do it at, say, 7:00pm, 5 nights per week for two weeks and then solicit views?

Original poster
GCSquirrel · 10/01/2023 01:32

@Trez1510 what would the point of that be? I think everyone, including myself, agrees it’s an annoying sound. That’s why I let him do it when as few people as possible are home. Complaining neighbour is here 10 days a months and neither her or her dh work while they’re here. They have a dog, are fit and active as far as I can see. Surely if it is so disruptive that they think going to stay in a hotel is preferable going out for an hour or putting in headphones at the time they know he’ll be doing it would make more sense?

OP posts:
Murdoch1949 · 10/01/2023 01:39

One hour a day on weeknights is absolutely fine. Teenagers can’t win, outside practicing sport they get dissed, inside on screens, they get dissed.

Trez1510 · 10/01/2023 01:57

@GCSquirrel The point would be to assess the reasonableness of their complaint.

However, I'm getting it now .... neighbours should just arrange their lives to accommodate your son and his intolerable noise.

Gotcha.

Hope none of the neighbours you 'like' finds themselves WFH or they'll just need to tell their employer they can't work between 4-5pm, because they I have to go for a walk according to her at No13.

NumberTheory · 10/01/2023 02:16

1 hour a day between the hours you state, max 5 days a week, seems like he’s already compromised plenty.

If you haven’t already told her of these limits, you could go round, sigh heavily and say “I’ll tell you what, I’ll limit him to 5 days a week, no more than an hour a day. But we’re not cutting back more than that.”

But then she might think she can make further demands.

I have no time for second home owners who want to change the nature of the area they intend holidaying in, so my sympathy is already low. But even if it were a neighbour who had lived there for years and was quiet as a mouse, I still think you’ve already put in reasonable limits and what your DS is doing is reasonable in a suburban setting.

Original poster
GCSquirrel · 10/01/2023 02:43

@Trez1510 if any of my other neighbours were WFH I’m 99% sure they’d manage to cope or ask my son or myself to stop. Just like I have done when, over the years, they have occasionally done things that make noise or cause minor annoyances.

OP posts:
Oblomov22 · 10/01/2023 03:21

I can understand. The repetition of the bouncing ball would drive me nutty. Fortunately I'm our nearest local park they have a cage where kids can play football, basketball. For some that repetitive sound doesn't bother them, but surely you can appreciate for many it does?

JauntyRedShoes · 10/01/2023 03:40

Our neighbour has artificial grass down on part of the drive where the kids practice basketball, It does deaden the sound somewhat.

Trez1510 · 10/01/2023 03:58

GCSquirrel · 10/01/2023 02:43

@Trez1510 if any of my other neighbours were WFH I’m 99% sure they’d manage to cope or ask my son or myself to stop. Just like I have done when, over the years, they have occasionally done things that make noise or cause minor annoyances.

And would you have your son stop if any other neighbour approached you?

Still, it's nice to know you feel able to approach your (other) neighbours about 'minor annoyances' and expect your request to be met with civility and be responded to by them fulfilling your request.

Also, from this thread alone you must surely grasp that the noise generated by your son is not in the range of 'minor annoyance'.

Finally, I'd hazard a guess all those on this thread who are all chilled-out/totally zen about the repetitive sound of 900 thumps per hour x 6 hours per week, have never actually experienced that, week in, week out, month in, month out ....

echt · 10/01/2023 04:39

Finally, I'd hazard a guess all those on this thread who are all chilled-out/totally zen about the repetitive sound of 900 thumps per hour x 6 hours per week, have never actually experienced that, week in, week out, month in, month out

It's 5 hours a week.

I live next door to basket ball noise (and I fucking hate it): two boys for years and years and the OP is not BU. It's one hour a weekday and the neighbour played their complaint so badly.

However, any noise can be designated a nuisance, and the regularity of it might constitute this. For myself, if I knew such noise was going stop after an hour, I'd feel better. It's the not knowing how a noise will continue that wears on the nerves. I'm looking at you neighbour who leaf blows most days of the week: 20 minutes pause for an hour or so, 30 minutes, etc.etc.

lifeinthehills · 10/01/2023 04:49

Can he do half an hour? I don't think it's unreasonable per se, but it would be a maddening sound for so long.

Trez1510 · 10/01/2023 04:52

@echt

Ah, yes, only 5 hours per week - no biggie, then.

Perhaps the neighbour 'played it badly' due to having a migraine brought on by 900 thumps within one hour?

I still believe the OP is BU, and if I were the neighbour I'd definitely be exploring the regularity angle of this particular noise nuisance.

echt · 10/01/2023 04:55

Ah, yes, only 5 hours per week - no biggie, then

I was correcting a poster who was inaccurate.

Perhaps the neighbour 'played it badly' due to having a migraine brought on by 900 thumps within one hour?

But they didn't. Stop making shit up.

Trez1510 · 10/01/2023 05:22

echt · 10/01/2023 04:55

Ah, yes, only 5 hours per week - no biggie, then

I was correcting a poster who was inaccurate.

Perhaps the neighbour 'played it badly' due to having a migraine brought on by 900 thumps within one hour?

But they didn't. Stop making shit up.

Oh, dear.

I said perhaps, but you've stated categorically she didn't have a migraine. On what are you basing that shit?

echt · 10/01/2023 05:29

I go on the facts. How does it further the issue in the thread. She could be dying of cancer/etc, etc, etc. No use except to gratuitously raise the temperature the thread based on er, fuck all.

Trez1510 · 10/01/2023 05:37

It's about reasonableness. It's about consideration of others. The OP is only concerned with her son being allowed to create a noise nuisance for 5 hours per week. Her idea is that all and sundry should amend their lives to suit this nuisance without any insight beyond 'they're fit, they can walk, so they can fuck off out of their home for five hours per week to accommodate the noise nuisance my son creates" to me indicates she's unreasonable.

Frenchfancy · 10/01/2023 05:39

YANBU. We should be encouraging all our DC to play sports. It is not at anti social times. The are second homers so IMO get no say as to what happens in the community.

SophieJo · 10/01/2023 05:41

Having read the replies the general consensus seems to be that you are being very unreasonable yet you can’t seem to accept it.

echt · 10/01/2023 05:42

Trez1510 · 10/01/2023 05:37

It's about reasonableness. It's about consideration of others. The OP is only concerned with her son being allowed to create a noise nuisance for 5 hours per week. Her idea is that all and sundry should amend their lives to suit this nuisance without any insight beyond 'they're fit, they can walk, so they can fuck off out of their home for five hours per week to accommodate the noise nuisance my son creates" to me indicates she's unreasonable.

She never said all and sundry.

echt · 10/01/2023 05:43

Frenchfancy · 10/01/2023 05:39

YANBU. We should be encouraging all our DC to play sports. It is not at anti social times. The are second homers so IMO get no say as to what happens in the community.

Bollocks. They have as much say about their neighbourhood as anyone else.

Kokeshi123 · 10/01/2023 05:50

I wonder how kids felt in the mid 20th century when adults in cars took over the streets that they used to play in?

I bet they found that quite annoying too.

Now they're increasingly being told that they can't even play IN THEIR OWN DRIVES OR GARDENS, because of adults who won't book into hotels, or who want their homes to be offices and won't invest in noise-cancelling equipment.

She can't tell your son not to play, and it might actually do humanity a bit of good if she sold up, spent the money on hotels instead, and freed the property up for a family to move into.

And an hour a day is bloody nothing. If it was late night noise, she might have a point.

How old is she, by the way? A lot of retired second-home-owner people seem to resent kids for existing.

WhereHasTheYoungMeGone · 10/01/2023 05:50

Frenchfancy · 10/01/2023 05:39

YANBU. We should be encouraging all our DC to play sports. It is not at anti social times. The are second homers so IMO get no say as to what happens in the community.

Ridiculous comment!

echt · 10/01/2023 05:55

How old is she, by the way? A lot of retired second-home-owner people seem to resent kids for existing

Am I allowed to tell you to fuck off for your ageist comment? We'll see.

TwoPointFourCatsAndDogs · 10/01/2023 06:05

YANBU.
Can she not put the radio on for an hour?
Buy your son a violin or a trumpet and see if she prefers him practicing those!
I think your neighbour is entitled and very unneighbourly.

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