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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP won't lend me his carrier bags

707 replies

Feelquiteisolated · 08/01/2023 23:16

I know this sounds totally ridiculous but DP and I had a fall out today over carrier bags.

DP is organised, he carries 3 carrier bags in his coat and more in his car and house. I spend most weekends at his house and I have bags in my car but none in my coat. Today we went shopping and I had no bags. Had I been alone I would have bought some, but he had some. He wouldn't loan me one of his 3 in his pockets, and said I needed to buy my own.

I was not happy. I bought his lunch and dinner yesterday and during the shopping trip he added an item that cost £1.30 so I was like "well I'm worth a 20p bag!"

He ended up loaning me the bag but tonight he expressed his unhappiness on WhatsApp. He said I have no right to spoil his systems, I don't respect him, he doesn't want my mess adding to his mess. He said it's a tragedy because he can see himself ending up with no bags.

He said I need to know my behaviour was not acceptable. But I really just think if he has something I need why would he make me buy it, it feels humiliating to me. But perhaps I'm missing the point and I need to pay for not being organised.

I feel like I generally pay for more than him, well no, I know this is true. I pay for 80% of our meals out, I drive over 50% of the time, I buy him treats etc.

So he said all that and then said for me to stop being dramatic because he was going to bed. This was before 9.30pm. I'm left feeling a bit abandoned, isolated and lonely. I don't really think I'm a needy person but I feel this way quite often.

This is totally outing if he reads it, but oh well.

AIBU? should I buy and carry my own bags and buy them while out even if I would only need to borrow for a short time?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
BlondieLady · 10/01/2023 17:59

OMG, what a crazy guy. Of course he should have given you a bag, all 3 if he loves you. And why are you paying for more things than him?
It's a bit odd about carrier bags in my family, in that if they came round and gave me something in a carrier bag they never wanted the bag back until they started costing 5p and then they always wanted their carrier bag back!!!

Thisisnotreallymyname · 10/01/2023 18:03

What a total pratt he is ! Dump him !

MMUmum · 10/01/2023 18:08

It's a control issue for him, having bags make him feel safe and in control, being without carrier bags will bring on anxiety and asking for one of his bags was therefore panic inducing. Of course it's not about carrier bags, there is an underlying mental health issue but having carrier bags helps him manage it by being in control.

NowWhatUsernameShallIHave · 10/01/2023 18:12

Is this a real post?
a reverse or actually referring to something else?

if it’s true you both need a good shake and to stop acting like school children

the only scenario this may make sense is if he has OCD

Gendercritic · 10/01/2023 18:14

MsVestibule · 08/01/2023 23:25

This is possibly one of the most bonkers threads I've ever read on MN, which is really saying something.

If this is true - please ditch him.
If it's not true - top trolling, very well done ⭐️.

Ace reply - bang on the nose!

anon666 · 10/01/2023 18:15

He's a bit of a weirdo but you probably know that already!

Really unhelpful on his part but sounds like he has a residual issue about organisation.

Maybe worth having an honest discussion before you LTB

SeeYouNextTLol · 10/01/2023 18:16

Mr Bean

GUARDIAN1 · 10/01/2023 18:18

Is your partner ND? I ask because it seems extreme otherwise for someone to want to stick to who has rights over his carrier bags to that extent. Is he extreme about other things? If you get on really well otherwise I'd put this down to just being a quirk. If he is very rigid in general you might want to think about whether this is something you can be OK with long term.

Innachu · 10/01/2023 18:22

TinySaltLick · 08/01/2023 23:30

Every day I would put his coat bags in a hot oven for about 5-10 seconds so they get smaller, but so not to be perceptible

Over the weeks and months it will eat away at him wondering if his hands are getting bigger until it will come to a head 31st Dec 2025 where you can print a copy of this thread in size 1 font and hide it in his miniature bags

Love it

YDBear · 10/01/2023 18:22

Dump this arsehole. Astonished that you made it to two years with such a tosser.

Sherbetdib · 10/01/2023 18:26

It may be the bags were about organising and being independent. Or something like that. Or he may be slightly autistic. A need for routine, order, organisation, a dislike of any change to that.
A lot depends on how long you have known him.

sgtmajormum · 10/01/2023 18:28

If this is true and not a wind up then I think you have more to worry about than a loan of a carrier bag!

Kjpt140v · 10/01/2023 18:28

Is this for real?

toocold54 · 10/01/2023 18:29

Unfortunately this is one of the downsides to being in a relationship with a ND person.

I can understand how the bag situation is a big deal to him and I would have been annoyed but I would have understood.

However, he actually sounds a bit of a dick and I’m struggling to see what you see in him!

You paying for 80% is not ok.

How long have you been together and are you also ND?

Rosie22xx · 10/01/2023 18:30

Time to end things. He seems like he should be alone.

Alcemeg · 10/01/2023 18:32

he goes crazy if I drive at more than 55 on the motorway
Has anyone crashed into the back of you yet?

Honestly OP he sounds like a proper nut job! 😂

ShakespearesBlister · 10/01/2023 18:32

I actually keep a folded carrier bag in my pocket. I use it to sit on so I don't get a wet bum in the park with the dog 🤣

SingingLamp · 10/01/2023 18:32

Ditch him. Immediately!! Why would you even do this to yourself??

SoHereBesMe · 10/01/2023 18:32

I imagine, in all seriousness, that he has ocd or some neuro something syndrome. And I don't say that to be horrible or mean or derogatory. The over the top reaction to his system being messed up makes me think this.

I can imagine my DH, who is one of the neatest and most organised people I know saying 'em, you didn't bring a bag? You're not having mine' and then giving me it, because that makes alot more sense than paying for (yet another) carrier bag.

No advice to offer but do believe that's not a "normal" reaction to a lack of carrier bags about your person.

Sherbetdib · 10/01/2023 18:35

OCD can often require people to be incredibly tidy, organised and have rigid routines. As can autism.
People can have disabilities and loving relationships but you both need to know and be aware.
Please don't just label him in an unpleasant way. It is a bit backward in this day and age.

Pogglet · 10/01/2023 18:35

This must be a joke right??
If this is real then I'm speechless.
Wow!

Trishthedish · 10/01/2023 18:38

He has a big problem. You do not. Leave while you can

Justrestingmyeyes1 · 10/01/2023 18:39

Would the world end if he did ‘end up with no bags’? He sounds like a complete knob.

ancientgran · 10/01/2023 18:39

Well it is bizarre to refuse to lend you a carrier bag in the circumstances. His comment about spoiling his systems is a bit odd, has he got OCD or something? I do know someone with OCD who would do things like this, having said that it broke up their relationship because whatever is causing this is something you don't have to put up with.

Teaisonfire · 10/01/2023 18:45

Well sadly it’s always the carrier bags why don’t you have separate ones for each shop that you both own .

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