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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask DB to pay half towards holiday

137 replies

StillNotGrownUpat57 · 08/01/2023 17:47

My DSIL passed away tragically 5 years ago and since then my DH and I have had a week away in a self- catering cottage once a year with my DB. The three of us get on well and always have a good time. I have always asked my DB for a third of the holiday rental cost thinking there are 3 of us going. My DH feels my DB should pay half since he has a room to himself. We can all afford the holiday comfortably but I feel hard justifying to DB he should pay half. No one’s going to fall out about this but I would like to know your thoughts. AIBU asking for just a third of the cost?

OP posts:
Boysnme · 08/01/2023 19:25

We do thirds when we go with in laws.

We take up two rooms they take up one.

My logic for it though is because while it costs more to get a 3 bed place than a 2 bed it’s not double.

We usually both win a bit when we do thirds, cheaper for us than a 2 bed and cheaper for in laws than for a 1 bed.

Goldbar · 08/01/2023 19:28

If you're being pedantic...

Assuming the bedrooms are an equal size, he should pay half the bedroom cost.

Then he should pay a third of the cost of the rest of the cottage (kitchen, living-room, bathroom).

Why not suggest to your DH that you calculate it on a square footage basis? Calculate the cost per square foot of the holiday cottage. Divide by three for communal space and you/your DH and your DB each pay for the appropriate bedroom square footage.

You'll probably end up with some crazy percentage like 43.29% 😂! But it will be completely fair.

Keepfocused · 08/01/2023 19:29

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Boysnme · 08/01/2023 19:30

Boysnme · 08/01/2023 19:25

We do thirds when we go with in laws.

We take up two rooms they take up one.

My logic for it though is because while it costs more to get a 3 bed place than a 2 bed it’s not double.

We usually both win a bit when we do thirds, cheaper for us than a 2 bed and cheaper for in laws than for a 1 bed.

just realised this isn’t the same in terms of rooms, obviously if I use two rooms I should pay for them but the sentiment is the same, it’s probably cheaper for you all to split 2/3 1/3 than for you to both pay to get something to fit you individually

OhmygodDont · 08/01/2023 19:30

If I paid half as a single person if want the master bedroom tbh since it would be costing me per person more than the couple. Who would be using double the electric, water etc.

saraclara · 08/01/2023 19:35

DH’s argument is that if it was hotel rooms DB would pay same as us…

Yes, he would. Take it from me, it's shit being widowed and single in that regard. Only one of me with the one income, to pay the same amount as two people do and get nothing extra for it. And I get half the amount of breakfast when it's included in the room rate!

So your DH wants to rip him off too?

prescribingmum · 08/01/2023 19:39

Given it is because he has sadly lost his wife, I wouldn’t dream of bringing it up as it serves as a reminder of what he no longer has.

Also to consider is that you share all the communal areas (kitchen, lounge and any other facilities) as well as use of electric/fast etc equally between 3.

If you have no financial worries, it’s not worth broaching the subject at all. If you did, I would be finding a cheaper cottage rather than splitting 3 ways if it were me

Clymene · 08/01/2023 19:39

Boysnme · 08/01/2023 19:25

We do thirds when we go with in laws.

We take up two rooms they take up one.

My logic for it though is because while it costs more to get a 3 bed place than a 2 bed it’s not double.

We usually both win a bit when we do thirds, cheaper for us than a 2 bed and cheaper for in laws than for a 1 bed.

So there are two of you and two of them, you use twice the bedrooms and still think they should pay half?

Do they have MUG stamped across their foreheads?

kirwanco · 08/01/2023 19:42

Bet you and your Tory husband only give him one Christmas present between you but probably demand one each from him.

GingleAllTheWay2022 · 08/01/2023 19:43

Definitely thirds.

determinedtomakethiswork · 08/01/2023 19:46

If you three got a taxi together, who should pay what, do you think?

ChristmasTensions · 08/01/2023 19:48

A third is fair. Your DH sounds really tight.

Noodlehen · 08/01/2023 19:57

StillNotGrownUpat57 · 08/01/2023 17:57

I don’t feel DH is at all ‘mean’ in all this, he has welcomed his DBIL on all of these holidays. Not all DHs would welcome that!

I think most DHs would allow their WIDOWED BIL on holiday with them, is your bar really that low that you think that your husband “allowing” your brother on a holiday with ye - which from the initial post sounds like a tradition that started after his wife died - is something to be applauded?

im sorry, but you both sound awful - your husband for being so mean and you for pandering to your husband and not telling him to fuck off.

your poor brother.

(and to answer the question 1/3s is the only way)

theresnolimits · 08/01/2023 20:10

We do this with my divorced SIL. Thirds. She buys every third meal. Simples.

SunsetSkies11 · 08/01/2023 20:12

I went on holiday with 3 adult friends last summer...
1 adult got the master room, king bed, en suite.
1 adult got the sofa bed in the lounge
2 adults shared a twin room

We split cost equally - 1/4 each.

It's never occurred to me we should pay different amounts! (and no I wasn't the one to get the master suite). Maybe I should ask for a partial refund?

Original poster
StillNotGrownUpat57 · 08/01/2023 20:12

kirwanco · 08/01/2023 19:42

Bet you and your Tory husband only give him one Christmas present between you but probably demand one each from him.

Er, no, as an extended family we don’t do presents but make a charity donation instead.

OP posts:
ReiRay · 08/01/2023 20:13

How much more do you pay for the bigger cottage? Twice as much?

Is it just the price of the cottage, or the food/drink etc too?

WeightoftheWorld · 08/01/2023 20:15

Tbh depending on financial circumstance if I could afford it without hardship I wouldn't ask for my DB to pay anything at all towards accomodation in this situation.

If you have to ask, then keep it as you have at a third.

Hankunamatata · 08/01/2023 20:16

How much more is a 2 bed to a 3 bed?

Skyeheather · 08/01/2023 20:23

JudgeRudy · 08/01/2023 18:25

No one is suggesting it costs double. They're posing that they each pay for their rooms, so brother has one room, OP and husband have 1/2 therefore brother pays more because he's getting more cottage

But is DB getting more cottage? If OP and her DH are having the master bedroom with a double/king size bed and en-suite and DB is getting a small twin room then he isn't. If the cost is split 50/50 then DB is equally entitled to have the master bedroom and OP and her DH the twin room.

Headabovetheparakeet · 08/01/2023 20:24

The hotel room comparison doesn't work when you're renting a whole property as they aren't priced by bedrooms alone.

If fairness is so important then look for a one bed property in the same area that is as similar to the 2 bed that you can find. If the saving is more than 33% then maybe, perhaps, he has a point.

I personally wouldn't quibble over something like this with someone who is important to me.

WaitingOutside · 08/01/2023 20:26

Agree with posters saying that there's usually a larger master bedroom (which I presume you and your husband have) and a smaller 2nd bedroom. Therefore 1/3 seems fair. If I was paying half, I'd want to be in the big master bedroom half the time!

If you don't need the money, then I do wonder where this is coming from? Is this your only holiday?

lunar1 · 08/01/2023 20:28

If things were equal, you could go halves, maybe get your husband to mull on what that would mean.

Your brother lost his wife, there are three of you, so thirds.

Swissmountains · 08/01/2023 20:41

A third- I would think a lot less of my dh if he suggested anything like this. Does tote dh want to stop the arrangement quietly do you think?

whynotwhatknot · 08/01/2023 20:43

yeah he sounds hilarious-thinkingof various ways why your brother should pay more

lovely