To ask DB to pay half towards holiday

[StillNotGrownUpat57]

My DSIL passed away tragically 5 years ago and since then my DH and I have had a week away in a self- catering cottage once a year with my DB. The three of us get on well and always have a good time. I have always asked my DB for a third of the holiday rental cost thinking there are 3 of us going. My DH feels my DB should pay half since he has a room to himself. We can all afford the holiday comfortably but I feel hard justifying to DB he should pay half. No one’s going to fall out about this but I would like to know your thoughts. AIBU asking for just a third of the cost?

I think there is an extra layer that you can see but dh can't.
Identifying the holiday as 3 seperate adults is sensitive. Splitting it in half really means db is paying for his missing wife. That's how I would see it.

I would personally stick with a third - mainly because of the sad reason with your SIL, and because I find it unlikely that you 2 paying 66% of a 2 bed cottage is significantly more than 100% of a 1 bed cottage.

However I think some of the other posters are being unnecessarily rude to your DH (and, hiding behind a computer, in a way they'd never respond if you were a colleague chatting about this in real life) - it's not like his idea is illogical, if you both booked hotel rooms rather than a cottage then BIL would be charged the same as you in 99% of places, plus, as you say how many DHs would happily let their BIL tag along on their couples holiday every year?

A vote for 1/3rd here too. The cost of a 2 bedroom cottage versus a 1 bed is NOT double the cost. Plus - many cottages for rent have at least 2 bedrooms as a minimum. Where we holiday in Wales I have not infrequently finished up with a 3 bed accommodation which suits our requirements which is similar or the same price as smaller properties. (We have certain requirements when we go away which restricts our options).

It's the only fair thing to do. Food and space and everything else should be 1/3 as there are three of you and your DH is being very very unfair on this occasion

1/3 definitely

the cost difference between a one and two bed property won’t be double either, so if anything he potentially should even pay less!

Three people =one third each.

DEFINITELY thirds, we sometimes go away with my mum and always divide by number of adults not number of bedrooms.

3 adults = a third each

No one is suggesting it costs double. They're posing that they each pay for their rooms, so brother has one room, OP and husband have 1/2 therefore brother pays more because he's getting more cottage

Exactly my feelings

But I doubt it costs twice what a smaller cottage would?

I'd stick to thirds.

I wouldn't think much of a man who wants to charge a widower a single supplement.

Normally going away with a couple in a bedroom each I'd split it 2 ways but seeing as its always been a third its fair enough and no reason to change it now.

But quite often one of the rooms is nicer / has a bigger bed / is en suite anyway so it's not an even split.

A third. I assume you all work? You and your DH have two incomes to call on to pay for the cottage. DB has one.

Btu even if you or your DH don't work, as others have said, the cost of a two bed cottage is unlikely to be double the price of a one bed.

I do think it should be thirds. But I also don't think your husbands suggestion is outrageous.

Why has your DH brought this up now?

if money isn’t an issue for any of you then perhaps your DH isn’t as happy about always sharing his holiday with DB as you suggest he is?

A third. He probably is given the smaller room? I would not raise getting half under these circumstances. You do well to meet this way as a family 5years on from your brother's sad loss. You say you can all afford to go and if it's gone on 5years you must all appreciate each others company. He could be hurt if you change things after 5 years when you can afford not to for a small financial gain you don't need.
Time for a change would be if he ever had a new partner and brought her along. Definitely half then but then you get new issues. Who gets the big room with the ensuite ext. Leave well alone you seem to have a lovely yearly family holiday tradition.I wouldn't change it after 5 years. 😄

My DH feels my DB should pay half since he has a room to himself

But he has to share the living space, the kitchen, the bathroom etc. So that logic doesn't work either.

Not much more - literally half a bedroom. Out of the whole space (bathroom, kitchen, living room, garden) it is such a small proportion that it is insignificant. Particularly if the OP and her DH have the bigger room.

In hotels you pay for a room, so a single occupant does get double the space. That isn’t true for cottage holidays. That’s why it is (imo) fair to have hotel rooms paid for per room, but cottages per person (though in my family we only split it between adults).

Do you think that maybe husband has had enough of the 3sums now and just doesn't know how to say it?

I think you split between the number of people going. So you each pay a third.

I had a very similar scenario this summer, except we went away for a week with 2 other families. We all have different number of children (3, 2 & 1).

I suggested we split rental costs by person, the other family wanted to split by bedroom, which meant that the family of 5 paid the same as the family of 3.

the family of 5 would use much more water, utilities. - 5 showers instead of 3, 5 people flushing the loo instead of 3 etc. We came to a compromise eventually somewhere in the middle and had a lovely time.

I also received the same answers as you suggesting you look at the cost difference between going away by yourself and inviting your DB. I don't think that's the point at all. You want to go away together so you pay the cost of the chosen accommodation.

Think of it as total cost, not just by bedroom. You're all using the same amount of space, gas, electricity, furniture etc.

Twice the number of bedrooms rarely equates to twice the cost.

I think 1/3 is fair.

Another vote for a third. I would guess that an extra bedroom doesn't double the cost. And DB is only using a third of bathroom time, sofa space blah blah blah. Hope this is just a brain fart on your DH's part and he's more sensitive and welcoming on the holiday!

Of course a third! Embarrassed for your husband. How greedy.

But then what about utilities?

OP and her DH are only paying half in your scenario, so therefore if there was a limit on 20 minutes hot water supply for example, the OP & DH would get 10 minutes between them, the DB would get the other half of the hot water and a 10 minute shower to himself.

So going halves doesn't work.

Each adult should pay a third. It's not just about bedrooms, it's about space, water, gas, electricity, furniture etc. as they are hiring a whole cottage.