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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think trackers on a teens phone is just wrong in most cases?

436 replies

Roseberry1 · 08/01/2023 17:32

Had a call from my dcs school on Friday. They are 16 in year 11. The receptionist said my dc hadn't been marked as attended to the last lesson and asked if I knew why, etc. It turned out my dd had crossed wires with the teacher in a mix-up, was on site, and it was all legitimate reasons, etc. Anyway, that's not the point in the thread.

The receptionist asked me, "Do you have a tracker on her phone?" When I said no, she gave me the impression I should have one (not just my dc but all teens). I find this so odd! Surely, there should be a certain level of trust when your 15/16 + teens go out. I dated this guy who had a tracker on his 15 year olds phone, his kid was only cycling to his mates house and was tracked, which I thought was ott.

Reasons a parent might track:

They live in an area with a very high crime rate where safety is a real high-risk issue.

Their dc are known to be in lots of trouble a lot of the time, often breaking the law.

They go "missing" for long periods and don't appear home when they are supposed to.

Not for teens just hanging out with their mates in a fairly safe town. Surely, as I said, a certain level of trust has to come in somewhere, and even if they do make mistakes, that's part of learning as you grow up. The thought of being "tracked" all the time by your parents just sounds odd to me!

OP posts:
bigbluebus · 08/01/2023 19:21

Never tracked my DS - and he's got an ASD. If he gets into difficulty he knows to message/ring me, but his problem solving skills, particularly around public transport, are pretty good.

None of us track each other in this house. We grew up in the times when there wasn't even a landline in the house never mind mobile phones. You learned independence and problem solving skills from an early age. Your parents only worried if you didn't come home for tea

Carolservicedeprived · 08/01/2023 19:23

We use Life360. It's nothing to do with not trusting them. It's mostly for reassurance, and actually means I need to contact them less. I can see she's on the bus home, I don't need to interrupt her conversation to ask her where she is. If I'm picking her up she can see how long I will be. There's nothing sinister or controlling about it. It also shows when their phone battery is low which is again reassuring because if you can't contact them you know why. From a safety point of view you can see if they are somewhere they shouldn't be. Also handy if they/lose their phone or it is stolen. I got mine back when stolen because I could track it. It's not like I sit there all day watching her every move, it's a useful tool.

2FelisCatus · 08/01/2023 19:23

All 4 kids, DH and I plus my mum can track each other through find my iPhone. None of us fine it intrusive but then we're a close family.

Zola1 · 08/01/2023 19:27

QueenoftheNimbleFlyingCat · 08/01/2023 19:07

Would pp have liked being tracked when they were teenagers? I would have hated it.

I think it would have been helpful for my dad to be able to track me to know I was in potentially risky situations, not the area I should be in etc. It probably would have made me a bit safer.
In work, for teenagers, I always advise parents to have a tracker on their children's phones. I have worked in CSE and CCE, with children who go missing etc, and it's just a way to try to help them to be a little safer. I don't think it's harmful.
For my daughter I will probably keep it on her phone until she is 18 for safety and then it's her choice what she wants to do. I don't stalk it, more just, she isn't picking the phone up I wonder if she's on the bus yet..etc.

U2HasTheEdge · 08/01/2023 19:29

I'm with you OP. I don't agree with tracking teens. I would have hated my mum to have known where I was all the time or have the ability to find out.

I message my kids if I need to know where they are or if I want to know if they are safe. They reply. If for any reason they miss a bus or train, they can call me or message me.

If for some reason my husband ever needs to know what time I am going to walk through the door so he can put the dinner on, I'd message him and let him know.

Tracking teens makes me really uneasy.

Stevie6 · 08/01/2023 19:30

Roseberry1 · 08/01/2023 19:12

For clarity, I'm not referring to phones that have "find my phone" on them to, well, find my phone, and used never, other than to find a lost phone.

I'm referring to tracker apps specifically to track 15/16 year + kids to track where they are, with exemptions from what I referred to in my op.

But that works as a tracker app too, my sons picture pops up and moves along the road as he's on the bus etc

Epiphany2023 · 08/01/2023 19:32

I think trackers are a very sensible precaution. My DCs are too old now for me to track them, but I know my DD and her DH track each other. I wish I had been able to track them as teenagers, it would have saved me a lot of worry when they were late home for some reason.

Carolservicedeprived · 08/01/2023 19:33

Also re couples tracking each other...in a controlling, dysfunctional relationship I can see it being a problem but in a loving, mutually trusting relationship there is no issue. I'm not going anywhere I don't want my husband to know about. Nor is he. We very rarely track each other but occasionally it's handy eg when someone is driving and you don't want to distract them by contacting them.

cotsma · 08/01/2023 19:34

"I don’t think city v country is part of it at all though. Much more likely if you live in the back of beyond that a teen might get stuck/ lost somewhere and you’d need a tracker to see where they are."

Totally this.

I live rurally... I can leave at the same time, getting stuck behind a tractor can easily add 20+ minutes to my journey. Narrow roads, little opportunity to overtake. Poor reception, often dipping out, not that it is safe to call whilst driving.

Or children missing busses. Quite literally, there is no alternative to getting home without the bus. We have to take two buses to get to local big town. One to the next village, and from there you can get another bus into the big town... so if your connecting bus is late, your screwed as the busses only go every 2 hours, and the one mobile phone company that has decent reception in our village literally doesn't work in that village (8 miles away).

I don't think city people often get the different challenges of living rurally.

Epiphany2023 · 08/01/2023 19:35

U2HasTheEdge · 08/01/2023 19:29

I'm with you OP. I don't agree with tracking teens. I would have hated my mum to have known where I was all the time or have the ability to find out.

I message my kids if I need to know where they are or if I want to know if they are safe. They reply. If for any reason they miss a bus or train, they can call me or message me.

If for some reason my husband ever needs to know what time I am going to walk through the door so he can put the dinner on, I'd message him and let him know.

Tracking teens makes me really uneasy.

The problem I had with my DS was that he wouldn't bother to answer if I called when he was out late. I would then worry constantly until he was home. If I could have seen where he was, I wouldn't have needed to worry so much knowing he hadn't driven off the road into a ditch on the way home!

BrokenWing · 08/01/2023 19:35

toocold54 · 08/01/2023 19:09

As a family he and we occasionally find it useful and trust each other not to be snooping. 🤷🏻‍♀️

By why is it useful though?

What can you use it for that you can’t just use the phone to ring or text?

One example - it is quicker, and safer if someone is driving. Of course we could text or phone, but why not use more convienent technology that is available on devices we have. We probably wouldnt pay something just for this functionality, but it is there so why not use it. 🤷🏻‍♀️

The reasons dont really matter, as a family where everyone has the freedom to have it on or not, trust each other and find it useful, it is not something we or anyone else should be concerned about, or judge us for.

Those that do judge others would be better looking at themselves and their own family to try to pinpoint why it would specifically be a problem for them.

Runnerduck34 · 08/01/2023 19:35

We use life360 as a family, it's useful to see if someone is on their way home, left work etc , also excellent if you lost your phone!
We are a family of 6, only my DS refuses to use it as he thinks it big brother ish.
My teens also use it to track me to make sure I am actually enroute if I'm picking them up and not doing just one thing indoors!
Also if they've only just passed their driving test it's useful to see if they've arrived safely.
I'm not checking 24/7 and will go several few days without even looking at it but it is useful to have for example in the circumstances you describe.

Greensleevevssnotnose · 08/01/2023 19:36

My oh and I have Google location on. It's really helpful to know if the train is in time or when to out the kettle on. Nothing sinister

multivac · 08/01/2023 19:41

toocold54 · 08/01/2023 19:15

Um, sometimes we CBA to ring or text. HTH.

That’s just weird.

What's weird about it?

ODFOx · 08/01/2023 19:42

I have a tracker on my DC. They have a tracker on me.
Most if the time it doesn't get used but especially when DD was having dates with new boys it was reassuring for us both.

BungleandGeorge · 08/01/2023 19:43

For the people saying ‘just call them’ an app has the following advantages:
You don’t need mobile reception
you can see where they are which is often difficult to explain on the phone
its much more convenient for everyone to just look at the app
it doesn’t take extra battery power

so if you’d rather do it manually that’s fine. But why does anyone need to justify using an easier method?

You can only see last known/current location so if you wanted to actually track someone (which I would say is when you can see their entire journey) you can’t without watching the app all the time.

gogohmm · 08/01/2023 19:45

No tracker on dd2's phone ever, dd1 asked for a tracker as she has blackouts (among other things) makes her feel safer. I also have power of attorney for dd1 if she's in crisis (over 18)

Bard6817 · 08/01/2023 19:47

Apple find my friends - configured for all the family to know where we are.

The kids tend to keep track of us more than we do of them lol.

MargaretThursday · 08/01/2023 19:47

mathanxiety · 08/01/2023 19:10

@MargaretThursday

Has this family never heard of Google maps?

@mathanxiety

🤣

I suspect when they phone it's more about feeling that someone is with them when they're lost than actually getting there.

Tuilpmouse · 08/01/2023 19:53

Jimboscott0115 · 08/01/2023 18:18

Other than find my phone any sort of tracker is just weird and controlling in my opinion - it would be hypocritical of the generation who grew up in a more dangerous world with higher crime (us) with no mobile phones and plenty of freedom, then suddenly thought there was any need to track their kids.

"Find my iPhone" is a tracker though?

Boofay · 08/01/2023 19:54

My older two have find my friends of which we're all on each other's follow lists.

Younger son (10) has life 360 on his and we're in a family circle with my DH, and my family, and then another circle with my in laws.

All of us have consented to be on these apps and have family "track" each other. With full transparency I see no issue.

Oh and I have some friends on find my friends too, so I can see that both my mates are at home right now!

Nicknacky · 08/01/2023 19:56

Carpedimum · 08/01/2023 19:06

We all track each other in my family, it is incredibly useful. My DS is at Uni, it gives me peace of mind in the early hours when I know he’s been out drinking in the city centre, and I can see he’s made it back to his flat.

But what’s the point? What would you do if he wasn’t back home?

Bbq1 · 08/01/2023 19:57

Ds is 17. He's always been responsible, trustworthy and good at keeping in touch. I've never put a tracker on his phone and I wouldn't put one on now and I think he he would feel watched. When I was younger we weren't tracked and we all survived!

toocold54 · 08/01/2023 19:57

One example - it is quicker, and safer if someone is driving.

But why would you need to see where they are driving?

What would be the reason that couldn’t be done through text or via phone call?

Original poster
Roseberry1 · 08/01/2023 19:58

BungleandGeorge · 08/01/2023 19:43

For the people saying ‘just call them’ an app has the following advantages:
You don’t need mobile reception
you can see where they are which is often difficult to explain on the phone
its much more convenient for everyone to just look at the app
it doesn’t take extra battery power

so if you’d rather do it manually that’s fine. But why does anyone need to justify using an easier method?

You can only see last known/current location so if you wanted to actually track someone (which I would say is when you can see their entire journey) you can’t without watching the app all the time.

I think the point for me is, with regards to teens (providing they aren't in immediate danger,) it might be more convenient for the app to just tell you, but it's important for them to work out where they are, and how they are going to solve the issue (if they are lost/missed a train or bus etc)

Parents jumping into to say "right, you're here (on the tracker) so you need to do xyz..." Or worst still, I've been checking to see if you've missed the bus, and I'll come and get you... even before the dc has had the chance to work anything out for themselves!

OP posts:
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