To think trackers on a teens phone is just wrong in most cases?

[Roseberry1]

Had a call from my dcs school on Friday. They are 16 in year 11. The receptionist said my dc hadn't been marked as attended to the last lesson and asked if I knew why, etc. It turned out my dd had crossed wires with the teacher in a mix-up, was on site, and it was all legitimate reasons, etc. Anyway, that's not the point in the thread.

The receptionist asked me, "Do you have a tracker on her phone?" When I said no, she gave me the impression I should have one (not just my dc but all teens). I find this so odd! Surely, there should be a certain level of trust when your 15/16 + teens go out. I dated this guy who had a tracker on his 15 year olds phone, his kid was only cycling to his mates house and was tracked, which I thought was ott.

Reasons a parent might track:

They live in an area with a very high crime rate where safety is a real high-risk issue.

Their dc are known to be in lots of trouble a lot of the time, often breaking the law.

They go "missing" for long periods and don't appear home when they are supposed to.

Not for teens just hanging out with their mates in a fairly safe town. Surely, as I said, a certain level of trust has to come in somewhere, and even if they do make mistakes, that's part of learning as you grow up. The thought of being "tracked" all the time by your parents just sounds odd to me!

@Roseberry1

@MajorCarolDanvers
Still amazed at how others choosing to use a bit of tech sparks such levels of obnoxiousness in others

@Roseberry1
It just all ties in with there being so many young people out there whose parents are helicoptering them well into Uni and work where they can't problem solve themselves which flows into the work place. I see it first hand, literally from young people who still have their mum call in sick for them to ones who have no idea how to plan a journey for work purposes or have quick/logical thinking skills when something doesn't go to plan. I swear if they could call their mum, they would, but she's probably got them on the app waiting, so

You've just imagined a whole narrative and cast this upon every family who uses a bit of tech.

It's ridiculous and obnoxious hyperbole from your imagination

When you stop going on about the one event I talked about I’ll gladly be gone 🙌

Move on already and stop quoting me.

Reading this thread has made me realise why so many people have unhealthy boundaries and relationships. There is zero need to track where a teen or adult is just call/text them if you need to know - people need freedom and privacy and it's absolutely crazy the absolute need for reassurance constantly. This can only lead to anxiety - if my partner suggested they track me, I'd run a mile, if my child needed to be reassured where I was as a teen, I'd get them therapy.

This thread is insanity but it seems so normalised.

Exactly!!

So many parents who have anxiety issues are passing it into their children.

I think WhyCantPeopleBeNice
post is very honest.

And as for adults tracking each other - well that is just insanity and no matter how much someone tries to deny it there is always an element of control/distrust etc.
You do not need your partner to track you to see what time you’ll be in for dinner when you can just text them when you are leaving.

Before these trackers were so readily available, my friend used to have to ring her DP from a house phone or work phone to tell him where she was because ‘he worried about her’.
He then got an actual tracker device and told her to take it wherever she went.
We all said how controlling he is and how it’s not healthy but now it seems an absolutely find thing to do for most people.

It’s so unhealthy!

Of course if someone has a medical issue or is going on a week long hike in the middle of the Amazon then it’s ok to track them.
But going about your every day life you should have freedom and it’s not normal for someone else to know your every move.

Tracking your kids is creepy AF and the school receptionist should be sacked and put on a register!

part of growing up is dealing with freedom.

But how would anyone know it was a girl's place? It would just be a flat/room/house. They COULD be shagging a girl. Or they could just be sleeping on a mate's sofa cos they missed the last train or something. I mean, if you're going to start getting all nosey and phoning them next day "oh I noticed you didn't sleep in your own place last night!?" then that's bloody creepy and intrusive. But surely most parents would just shrug? Most of us who have been to uni have stayed out somewhere else overnight, it's really no big deal.

You do not need your partner to track you to see what time you’ll be in for dinner when you can just text them when you are leaving.

You must lead a charmed fucking life if the time between when you're leaving and when you get home is so predictable. 😂😂

I'll quote whoever I like on a thread I started thanks. Don't flounce in a huff then creep back later on...

Consent and choice is neither creepy nor does it restrict or prevent freedom.

Chill.

You are obsessed. Move On.

Lol

I pay for the phone, I can track it. The DC can feel free to go out without their phones if they’re that bothered… but teens all track each other constantly on snap maps anyway. That’s far creepier.

I see Uni as a time in a young person's life when they (mostly) live away from home, having fun and gaining their own independence. The thought of a parent being able to track them 24/7 is weird and unnecessary. Why would the parent even know they're on a night out? They're away at Uni doing lots of studying and having fun!

If you suffocate something, one of two things will happen. It will run away or it will die.

It’s not healthy for us to be tracked at every interval. No wonder kids these days are so horribly anxious when they have big brother on their tail.

It’s normal for kids to push boundaries, to say they’re going to Sarah’s when they’re actually going to a field to drink. We have to stop coddling children and allow a small element of risk and danger enter their lives.

Has anyone seen the black mirror episode when the mother was tracking her daughter? - it's extreme but it does highlight the issues of tracking, anxiety and the need for privacy. Like I said earlier, we are sleep walking into crazy territory where being tracked as adults is normalised and our need for constant reassurance is bizarre and anxiety driven.

It's made me want to turn my phone off, but I'm on MN at the moment so will refrain.

You must lead a charmed fucking life if the time between when you're leaving and when you get home is so predictable.

Of course not but if I text saying I’m leaving now and I’m home later than expected due to heavy traffic, then I can just warm my dinner up - hardly an excuse to track someone is it.

I can’t imagine how that conversation would even go!

”Dear, I need you to have a tracker on your phone”
”why?”
“So I know where you are at all times”
”Why?”
”Ermm… so I can plate up your dinner for the second you walk in the door”
🙄🙄

I’m in my 20s and I’m so glad phone trackers weren’t a thing when I was a teen. My parents trusted me so I always told them where I was going and who I was with. This builds trust and independence. If a teen misses their bus or train then they can wait for another. They can text their parents to let them know they’ll be late. Why is a tracker needed?

I’ve heard that couples do this too and I think it’s strange and very intrusive. Each to their own I guess.

God what a grim relationship that sounds. Is that really how you think it would happen?

Like I say, I don't use them at all. But I have a mild amount of imagination and I can see how they might work in other relationships.

But this entire thread is just an excuse for those who like dramatic pearl-clutching to engage in some highly enjoyable hyperbole and drama with talk of 'excuses' and 'incessant monitoring'. It's quite entertaining to watch people so determined not to see another point of view because it would just ruin their enjoyment.

but teens all track each other constantly on snap maps anyway. That’s far creepier.

Exactly!
Because they are being raised to think that this is ok and that it’s normal.
That is my issue with it.

My DD has a bf and told me he asked her to turn her location on so he knows where she is.
I asked her what she said and she said she told him that she already told him where she is and she doesn’t need to turn on her location to prove it and he either believes her or he doesn’t.

Unfortunately, if your parents tell you that things like this is ok, then you’d have no issue with allowing your bf knowing your location at all times - which is not ok.

How can you teach your children boundaries and how it’s healthy to not tell someone your every move, if they are being raised to think it’s ok?

Each to their own, but I don't think I'd want my dinner the second I walked in the door. I like to get in, get in comfy clothes, decompress, then think about eating. But I guess some like to eat straight away, but still, like you say, they could heat it up, and it's still hardly a reason to track someone! If being late was a constant issue, you could just both agree to start eating a bit later.

We just use Google maps. We can all see each other on there. Kids all know we can see it and are free to turn theirs offline if they want. They do go offline sometimes, though usually from lack of internet service.

It was very useful when my (now in recovery, thank goodness) alcoholic husband got drunk and went missing as I was able to see where his phone was and go scrape his drunken arse off the pavement where he had collapsed...

And when DS fell asleep on the bus on the way to school and ended up miles away I could go find him.

It's not really about mistrust or spying 🤷🏻‍♀️

I'll track my kids until they can pay for their own phone. I really couldn't careless that someone on here thinks its creepy. There maybe that day when you wish you had it.

I personally think its very short sighted not to have an idea where your children are. I'll be honest I've probably watched far too many real life crime series. But, again I won't be questioning my choice!

Well, precisely! Why WOULD they even know they're on a night out? I can guarantee that if any families still use Find My Iphone with each other when one has gone to uni, then unless they're an abusive and overprotective parent, they aren't going to be using it to check their whereabouts constantly. There is no need for the most part- they are at uni doing uni things and hopefully having fun.

Most times with DS I haven't got a clue where he is, it's not like I constantly track DS obsessively and check he's in his own beddy-bo's every night - what an odd and creepy thought. As I said earlier, if I DO want to contact him (usually once or twice a week for a quick catch up) I generally check his location first (if I haven't had a response from whatsapp) as usually that would tell me that he's not in his room and so off doing something and it's not a good time to call. Occasionally I might notice he IS out, but do you really think I then sit fretting over him all night till I can see him back in his room?! He usually just whatsapps back a few hours later/next morning "Was out at football".

"Each to their own, but I don't think I'd want my dinner the second I walked in the door. I like to get in, get in comfy clothes, decompress, then think about eating. But I guess some like to eat straight away, but still, like you say, they could heat it up, and it's still hardly a reason to track someone! If being late was a constant issue, you could just both agree to start eating a bit later."

OP, you really do seem to imagine that other people might live different lives to you.

Maybe one is cooking so they can eat as a family, before they go off to work?

I gave the example of my husband tracking me so he can have my food ready when I'm home because on certain nights I do tutoring in the evening. I have a narrow window in which to eat before I start tutoring, so we can eat as a family.

Is it really so difficult to imagine that different people lead different lives and have different needs and desires?

This.

Whilst some relationships would be fine to track each other for dinner, etc, a lot of people, especially men, unfortunately would happily use this as a control method.

People aren't always where they say they're going to be for several different reasons. Not necessarily to be deceitful, but because plans change. Are they going to have to justify every change of move they make because they aren't where they are "supposed" to be in someone else's head, especially in relationships.

Also, teens do lie, because they are testing boundaries, and it's healthy to do so. Who hasn't said they're at Xs house when really they're at Ys. It's part of growing up.

"OP, you really do seem to imagine that other people might live different lives to you."

That should be

OP, you really do seem to have difficulty imagining that other people might live different lives to you.

OP lives in the dark ages

you crack on with your mangle OP