"It's so outing" - is it really?

[FatCatSkinnyRat]

I've noticed so many threads say "it's so outing, I can't go into it".

or

"I've name changed as this is outing".

Has anyone ever read an AIBU and actually known the person posting, beyond shadow of a doubt? I suspect the minutiae of our lives are important and memorable to ourselves but probably not to others, but AIBU to think so?

I've never recognised anyone but I can imagine it happens to people with big families or friendship groups.
Although it's so outing I can't give details annoys me - just NC that's why it's there

Yes, but this might be outing!!

There was a post on here a couple of months ago from a lady who was having issues with her daughter’s private school, the situation sounded familiar and an advanced search of her other posts confirmed this was who I thought it was, I know her in RL.

I reported the thread as some other posters linked to her other posts from 13 years ago where she had given both of her DDs full names!

I recognised a very detailed AIBU once from something I'd come across in a professional context.

I think it can be.

I would have agreed with you OP until someone outed me. I thought my post wasn't particularly detailed and I had changed a few things, but I guess people recognise writing styles too, and once they go through your other posts it can paint a picture.

Exaggerated language in my opinion. More likely:
"just in case I could be identified, user name changed"

The husband's hobby threads which must never be named as its too outing always makes me laugh. Yes I'm sure he's the only one in the country doing it.

I once recognized someone by her post on another forum. She wasn’t happy about it: she was bashing her ex, and I was acquainted with him.

ive never recognised anyone. I change my username every few weeks as there are plenty of mn’s that will go looking for other posts. I also regularly change my kids sex and ages .

YABU; I’ve recognised people on here, including talking about their partners (who I also know!) so it’s not at all unreasonable not to include identifying details.

Very wise.

I’ve recognised a few people I know in real life. But I got to know those people through various other online forums so I think I probably have some residual familiarity with their posting styles from those forums which, coupled with knowing personal details about them, make them identifiable. Whether their neighbour or a mum at the school gate would recognise them in the same way, I’ve no idea.

Yes I've at least strongly suspected I've known who the OP was a number of times, one time out o curiosity I searched for past posts of the OP and it sort of confirmed it. They weren't close friends so I never asked (they would have been embarrased and it would be super awkward) so haven't 100% confirmed though. I often think posts must be fairly outing. I would definitely never want to risk being outed so would name change.

Yes I was recognised from a previous thread

Totally 😆

How does a namechange stop a detailed account of something being outing? I've never understood this, particularly when the poster writes about a very specific family set up and details conversations and situations that would surely be recognised by anybody in the family.

It was me finally talking about what my hobby is that got me recognised though 😅

You never know, it could/ does happen that posters get recognized here. I do not discuss certain things, such as financial matters etc.

It means that if someone does recognise you, they can't then read all your other posts, or use them to confirm their suspicions if they're not sure if it is you.

OK wow, so it has happened quite a bit then. I'll stop scoffing when I read it in posts then. I accept IABU!

I'm even amazed when people quote me (usually to debate or insult) and say they're tired of my posts on this forum.

I don't even recall or remember anyone's username, let alone have the wherewithal to determine if the stories might be from someone I may know IRL

I'm quite repetitive so whatever I say on here I've probably said the same thing in RL a bunch of times. Looking at people's previous posts is a bit creepy.

Yes but how do you know for sure it's YOUR person and not just someone else having a similar life scenario? There can't be that many human experiences shared on here (family issues, affairs, work problems) that are so completely unique to one person that no one else could possibly be going through the same thing? Surely?

I know I read a comment today saying I am a midwife which is outing. Really?

I think a lot of times it’s not necessarily that the scenario in the original post is 100% outing.
More that if you combine details in that with details from other threads, then that’ll be outing.
I’ve seen threads before where I’ve thought that sounds a bit familiar, looked up the OP’s other posts, and from a combination of those recognised who they are in RL.

And of course if it is genuinely a very specific scenario, then name changing stops friends / family learning about everything else you’ve been posting.