"It's so outing" - is it really?

[FatCatSkinnyRat]

I've noticed so many threads say "it's so outing, I can't go into it".

or

"I've name changed as this is outing".

Has anyone ever read an AIBU and actually known the person posting, beyond shadow of a doubt? I suspect the minutiae of our lives are important and memorable to ourselves but probably not to others, but AIBU to think so?

Well SOME stuff isn't outing ... EG, when a husband has a hobby that is 'outing,' it's always bloody cycling or running or golf, which millions of men do! But some stuff could be 'outing...'

Personally, one reason I think people name change, is because if they start a thread and they get jumped on, and some people are quite nasty to them, (which happens very often on here,) at least they can just hide the thread and not post again under that additional name and go back to the normal one.

And they announce they have name changed, because if they don't, people say 'hmmm interesting first post.....' and they get called a troll. Also, if someone has said they are 35, and they have 2 kids under 10, a boy and a girl, and they are a hairdresser, then that job (hairdresser,) along with the other details, MAY identify them to someone in real life.

If in real life, I am say, 52, and have 2 kids in their teens, and am a GP receptionist, I will say (under a NC) I am 49, I have 1 or 3 kids, and I work in a bank, because someone reading my thread may, just MAY recognise me from my description. Millions of people read mumsnet, AIBU is the most read, and 'posted on' board, and I know people who read mumsnet: family and friends, so yeah I will change details if I am posting something personal..

I will also NC... There's no way in hell that I would start a thread about something personal going on in my life under my name PurpleButterflyWings.

I have actually recognised someone on here from a fairly innocent post with details about what their child was doing for the end of year 6. It was identical to my child, and from looking at her other posts I quickly worked out who she was. I think if you are friends with someone on other online platforms you are more likely to recognise their online voice.

I've recognised someone I know irl from threads before, so yes sometimes it can be really outing depending what's posted.

Yes I had someone recognise me from school and direct message me about a school matter. I try and use different username for different topics but often forget so it's all jumbled and I mainly use one. For that reason I wanted to change one of my usernames but I have posted regular under that username so it feels hard to change and continue with the same topics.

I recognised someone but only because he put his full name in a post (well 2 names but for someone who knew him it was obvious which one he was). But didn’t some people used to have profiles often with photos etc? (Perhaps they still do haven’t checked recently) in which case they’d have had loads of people recognising them

My bonnie yes I do,and change sex of dc around and other details.

Unfortunately again I've seen poster's calling troll though because someone has mixed this up ...eg you said you have 3 DC and two boys?

I once recognised where someone must live, so yes, odd things can give away identity.

I’ve been on here for more than 18 years posting pretty much daily. I’ve been recognised by a school mum who kindly contacted me so that I could name change. I now name change very regularly!

Does it really matter? If the OP doesn't want to give details then they needn't. If that means that posters don't want to bother to reply, they needn't. Thread has scant attention, few posts and drops off the page forever. Problem solved.

I once found a reply on a thread and realised the poster was talking specifically about me. It related to something that happened years ago but there were several small details that only I would know. If she’d only mentioned one of those details then I wouldn’t have known it was me, but those specific details all mentioned together made it quite outing.

The thread itself was later deleted (in case it was outing!) so it was just sheer luck I saw it when I did. As it was specifically about me, I had a look at some of her other posts and it confirmed it was who I thought it was. She had quite a lot of personal details and info on there from social media and real life, so she wasn’t doing a great deal to hide her presence on Mumsnet from those who knew her.

I'm sure occasionally someone's realised identity is deduced when the scenario is recognised......however it's unlikely to be from disclosing that your husbands hobby is cycling or that the holiday you were referring to was in Cornwall!

I got outed once. It was horrific and caused a lot of problems.
Be very careful here. I never thought it could happen to me but it did.

Oops, typo....Real life identity

I don't really give a shit- I'm a pretty open person, and just don't care if people find out who I am when I would willingly disclose the same information in RL. There has been a pretty harrowing situation recently I would have liked to chew over though, but it contains the details of other people's trauma (CSA, DV, the works), so I'm not going to do that.

To my knowledge I've never been outed as such, but I did once disclose a very specific detail about a man I was chatting to on an OLD thread, and he was recognised by another poster, who was able to warn me off him. So, that's a very positive outing!

If I thought something was outing I certainly wouldn’t be posting it!

I have recognised two people on here - they weren't posting about anything particularly scandalous, but I knew it was them. In both cases the combination of username and what they were posting made it obvious, so it is worth being very cautious about your username too.

This would be what I'd think.
I suspect if someone in RL wanted to identify me then they probably could from working with lots of my posts, but unlikely form any one. So if I was putting something up that I didn't want people to identify with me then I'd name change for that.

I do change certain details anyway if I'm referring to a specific scenario.

Sometimes it doesn't matter what the specific thing is, but other times it becomes more confusing as they dance round all terminology to do with the hobby to avoid saying it. Ditto for "call them A, B and C", although I think I may have done that occasionally

I once recognised someone on here not from real life, but from another forum I’m on (a health related one). It wasn’t just what she wrote, but her style of writing too. What made me laugh was she had referred a reader on here to the forum specifically to look at a post I’d written (in a positive way - she wasn’t being critical).

I once recognised the person that a post was about. OP had word for word quoted what this person had said on another non-anonymous site

How does a namechange stop a detailed account of something being outing? I've never understood this, particularly when the poster writes about a very specific family set up and details conversations and situations that would surely be recognised by anybody in the family.

If the situation in the post is in and of itself outing then of course a name change won't fix that but it'll prevent the people who recognise you knowin all the details you've shared in previous posts.

Other times the post might be only somewhat outing and a nosy person could search your name and see other details (e.g. you've posted about getting a new job as a primary school TA or you've just been on holiday to Florida) to confirm it is who they think it is .

I’ve responded to posts on MN about holidays - quite specific questions about activity holidays only to see exactly the same on a FB group. From looking at their FB profile the person concerned actually lives very close to me.

I have recognised a couple of people from their posts. I would never say in real life.

I name change frequently to stop anyone searching my other posts.

Some posts would definitely be outing if you were involved in the situation, I’m thinking about the cowhen saga for instance.

I do roll my eyes at those who think their husbands hobby is outing etc. though

Or one I saw earlier on the Harry and the laughing gas post ‘this will be outing but I was a midwife’ like how is doing a job thousands of others do outing

Husband hobby threads are the worst! You know in 99% of cases it’s something very mainstream like cycling, golf, running, football or triathlon

Agree with OP. It’s easy to forget we are only the main character in our own lives.