"It's so outing" - is it really?

[FatCatSkinnyRat]

I've noticed so many threads say "it's so outing, I can't go into it".

or

"I've name changed as this is outing".

Has anyone ever read an AIBU and actually known the person posting, beyond shadow of a doubt? I suspect the minutiae of our lives are important and memorable to ourselves but probably not to others, but AIBU to think so?

yes, it could, not all info might be in one post but the mixture of 4-6 would give you pretty good answer.

Years ago someone at work found a post, not an Aibu one and then could search all my posts. She was a nosey so and so and the worst gossip. I had to delete all my posts and change my name.

Most of it is nonsense, cycling and golf: re above woman who moved to Leeds; Accountant in Surrey.

On another forum I found our that one poster was someone I worked with.

hi - how did you know your friend was advanced
searching you compulsively?

Actually, thinking about the hobby not being outing thing.

I have a hobby. A casual hobby for me, but I’m in a few related FB groups and follow a few related Instagram feeds.

A while back on MN, someone had started a thread about this same hobby, so I’d been on that thread. OP posted some hobby related photos. Identical photos were posted around the same time on one of the hobby FB groups.
You’d have had to be on both the relevant MN thread, and the hobby FB group at the right time to notice it, but that’s potentially very outing, given that FB is a lot less anonymous than MN.

I’ve had someone recognise me due to a subject I posted about. It’s not a problem though. I can be worked out pretty easily if I talk about my child and their studies. But only if you know me or move in circles related to his studies/ potential profession. That’s why I keep any of his misdemeanours off here.

I recognised a parent from the school I work in….

hi - how did you know your friend was advanced searching you compulsively?

She kept bringing up things out of nowhere, that I’d mentioned on here but hadn’t voiced irl, and that carried on for a very long time but ended when I NC’d. Really out of nowhere. Like we’d meet for a coffee and she’d look hard at me while asking me if I was planning a holiday and whether I’d ever considered, say, Pembrokeshire; when I’d started a thread the week before asking about accommodation in Pembrokeshire during the upcoming half term. It wasn’t subtle or one off.

A relative identified me once on here, after I asked for help about another suicidal relative. Still don't know how she did that but the fallout was not good. I now namechange frequently.

I’ve instantly NC. 😅

A few years ago there was a poster who could pretty much find anyone IRL.

I don't know how much if it she didn't early on pre asking,, but she used to offer to do it for anyone who wanted to see if they could be identified.

it was eye opening!!

People who thought they'd been pretty careful to change a few details & name change outed in a very short amount of time (only to them
privately, not on a board).

I don't know if she's still around, but I haven't seen her offer to do it for ages.

I have. It was a colleague i barely know but was v obvious it was her from the following info included (some in replies to comments and not initial post): how many months preg she was, her profession, industry's husband worked in, what he did to cause her to post (relating to his job), the fact all her family lived in a specific area of UK which she revealed.

We had had no more than 5 small talk conversations and I knew immediately it was her posting because she had casually mentioned the thing her husband had done in a casual way when we were talking about her being due soon. There was no hint that he had done it without discussion with her or that he was a total dick which all came out in her post.

@SproutsLCerVEGNoEgg how is it possible for one person to find anyone in real life when literally anyone in the world can post anonymously on mumsnet?

I've spotted a relative on here by seeing a picture of their cat.

I have! Once.

It was about the buyer of my friend’s house, and I recognised my friend instantly.

I told her and showed her the thread, she was very annoyed.

Both buyer and seller were being unreasonable btw, but the person who had posted the thread had massively embellished the truth.

It was a very unique set of circumstances, and the area was the same and most of the story as told by both sides, matched.

My friend was being a bit cheeky and the buyer was being very unreasonable to start with, hence the locked horns.

House didn’t sell to her in the end. Friend put it back on market and got circa £20k more 😂

Me too and the fact that I was confronted it destroyed my confidence totally . I was so embarrassed that people knew my personal thoughts and feelings. I am in no doubt that the woman who recognised me spread it across my friendship group . I now keep mostly to myself .

what I don’t understand is why it needs to be announced “name changed for this”. And? Who cares 😂😂

I’ve been recognised in RL recently so I changed my username. I’ve been on here years and now feel like a newbie.

Because suspicious MN users will search, see you have no posting history and accuse you of being a new user and a troll.

I expect it’s to stop all the “interesting first post” replies.

Yup. I’ve had a couple of those in my time.

People always jump to the troll conclusion, rather than the easiest explanation of a name change.

Yet, if you announce the name change, you are a self important wanker.

It’s no win.

I've not read one that is someone I know but sometimes the situations we describe on here are extremely identifiable to some people. Yes it may not be outing to anyone who reads it but it takes just one person to know them. And one is enough.

I name change regularly as well as change details all the time. Sometimes I have three kids, sometimes I have 2. Sometimes they're toddlers and other times they're teens. My neighbours have a dog and I have a cat but in another post, it's the other way round. It stops someone looking back in a search to confirm details it's who they think it is.

Ah that makes sense then. Never thought of that.