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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU and a horrible mum for not enjoying parks or walks?

132 replies

RabbitInSpace · 08/01/2023 10:07

A bit of context first, I have adhd and anxiety so my brain is frequently looking for stimulation, distraction and dopamine.
I'm receiving therapy and I know I need to work on feeling calmer and settled in myself long term and need to find ways to manage this.
However, I'm not there yet.

I have a 4 year old and 18 month old. Of course they love going to parks and we do go because I know it's for them. But I really don't enjoy it one bit. There's no stimulation, no interest, nothing to absorb me. My mind becomes anxious and thoughts can be more intrusive. If we go with friends, that can be better but we don't do that very much.

I love taking the children to different places where we haven't been before. Museums are great because they're interesting and absorbing. Children's classes and groups are fine too. But these things aren't possible all the time.

Tbh, I'm writing this today because it's January, a Sunday, nothing is going on, nothing really to do and nobody available to see with the children so what does that leave us with... a park or a walk?!!

OP posts:
TeapotTitties · 08/01/2023 10:11

Your thread title is manipulative. No-one's going to say you're a 'horrible mum'.

If you don't fancy going out, make a fun day indoors and if you don't fancy that, I'm sure the kids have their toys to play with.

Do they have contact with their father? If so, does he take them to the park?

Notimeforaname · 08/01/2023 10:18

Kids dont have to be out walking at the park every day it's fine to stay in. Just do something mentally/physically stimulating at home.

bloodyeverlastinghell · 08/01/2023 10:18

The park is repetitive and boring when dc are small and you have to constantly keep an eye on them. Much easier when they are older and you can drink coffee, chat to other grown ups and do stuff on your phone.

I much prefer swimming etc at this time of year and as local leisure centre really warm. Picnic lunch in seating bit upstairs. Corner for little ones to play. I dad try new stuff and see what else you can come up with.

BloodyHellHarry · 08/01/2023 10:19

I don't think many NT parents actually enjoy taking the kids to the park 😄 I know I didn't, but I smiled and laughed and made out I was having a great time too! I'm the same with my grandDC now. Recognise it for the chore it is. Perhaps have one earphone in and listen to a podcast as a distraction. I do that while I'm walking the dog.

Original poster
RabbitInSpace · 08/01/2023 10:19

TeapotTitties · 08/01/2023 10:11

Your thread title is manipulative. No-one's going to say you're a 'horrible mum'.

If you don't fancy going out, make a fun day indoors and if you don't fancy that, I'm sure the kids have their toys to play with.

Do they have contact with their father? If so, does he take them to the park?

It's only because I feel like a horrible mum. Not intended to be manipulative in any way.

And yes, dh does take them to the park. Although our eldest has SEN so it takes us both being there for it to work.

OP posts:
Boooooot · 08/01/2023 10:19

I think I’ve only taken mine to the park a handful of times in their lives! It’s so dull. Same goes for the beach. I’d much rather spend money on something interesting that we will all enjoy

mynameiscalypso · 08/01/2023 10:19

I hate going to the park too. Luckily my DS is not one of those small children that needs constant exercise so we go other places and do plenty of fun stuff at home. His favourite trip is going to the supermarket.

DuplicateUserName · 08/01/2023 10:22

Does your DH feel like a 'horrible' dad OP?

DoloresOnTheDottedLine · 08/01/2023 10:26

I don’t think many adults enjoy the park with small children. It’s intensely boring!

So change the word “horrible” to “normal” in your title and the answer is emphatically yes!

Original poster
RabbitInSpace · 08/01/2023 10:27

BloodyHellHarry · 08/01/2023 10:19

I don't think many NT parents actually enjoy taking the kids to the park 😄 I know I didn't, but I smiled and laughed and made out I was having a great time too! I'm the same with my grandDC now. Recognise it for the chore it is. Perhaps have one earphone in and listen to a podcast as a distraction. I do that while I'm walking the dog.

@BloodyHellHarry that's a really good idea about the earphones. I don't know why I've not tried that before.

OP posts:
Thesearmsofmine · 08/01/2023 10:28

Parks can be really dull. Now mine are older and don’t need to watch them I take a book with me.

Toastandmarmiteandtea · 08/01/2023 10:30

I like going to the park if there’s coffee and cake involved! Also because I know it tires the kids out then I can have a peaceful afternoon. But yes, it can be boring!

Original poster
RabbitInSpace · 08/01/2023 10:32

Boooooot · 08/01/2023 10:19

I think I’ve only taken mine to the park a handful of times in their lives! It’s so dull. Same goes for the beach. I’d much rather spend money on something interesting that we will all enjoy

@Boooooot this is how I feel too. Also why we often go to museums. The bigger, free ones are the best.

OP posts:
NancyJoan · 08/01/2023 10:33

It is boring yes. But much of child rearing is.

Whatatimetobealivetoday · 08/01/2023 10:34

I completely understand how you feel!
could you take a ball or activity to the park? Or play a game to find things.

Could be a distraction or focus.

notacooldad · 08/01/2023 10:34

The park is repetitive and boring when dc are small and you have to constantly keep an eye on them
Well you have to keep your eye on them constantly anyway.
I got really bored at hated going to our park but although it was incredibly boring for me the children liked the familiarity if it and it was ' their place' Nit everything about parenting I'd fun it super interesting but the children liked have a routine and something that they knew well.
I asked ds1 where he wanted to gor a day out and he could go anywhere. My heart sank when he said the town park. I tried to discourage him but he said that I said he could go anywhere! Parks or familiar places are important to children.
I have to say I've never set foot in place once they could take themselves!!!

Wallowingwendy · 08/01/2023 10:36

Audiobooks are your friend here. Coffee in a thermos, audiobook in one ear (other ear open to hear screams when child falls of thing).

crazeekat · 08/01/2023 10:38

Feel
Ur pain, told my dd age 5 we could go to the park today if it's not
Raining. Well it's not raining and she has banged her way down the hall to tall
Me this. Me and my
Big mouth. So we're off to the park shortly and I hate it too lol 😫

Runningincircles · 08/01/2023 10:40

I don't think any adults really like going to the park!
Jen Brister has it spot on!

StopGrowingPlease · 08/01/2023 10:41

Sundays are hard as there's rarely anything on and busses are hourly so going out isn't very fun when it's winter as there's too much time waiting out in the cold.
My ds is 16 months is happily playing in his playroom/future bedroom throwing balls and crawling around but every other day of the week we go to toddler classes and stay and plays. I've never been good at just staying in all day though 🤔
As he gets older I plan to take him to a different park every week or so so it's something different but familiar 😝
Do your children enjoy swimming/soft play areas? I like taking ds to those at less busy times 🤗

Echobelly · 08/01/2023 10:41

I found park pretty boring when I had to be hands on all the time, but it got me out of the house - no need for it every day though. I do sympathise with the tedium of them being this age (similar age gap to mine), so you're not being horrible for not enjoying that. Indeed parenthood in general isn't 'enjoyable', especially when they're tiny, but the bright moments made it for me.

smooththecat · 08/01/2023 10:43

YANBU, going to the park when you are the adult is fucking boring. There are no rides etc. for you and you have a job to do watching kids. Going for a walk with kids is also dull unless they can walk at a proper speed.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 08/01/2023 10:43

I don't really understand the people saying they don't like walks and parks. Does that mean you don't enjoy the outdoors generally yourself? Do you not chat about what you see to the children? Get enjoyment out of seeing them discover or learn new things? Take a bike for the 4 year old?

Perhaps do you only have boring parks and walks near you? I'm in a city and my nearest park is great, it is large and has all these different areas of interest including a lake, woodland walk, Japanese garden, walled gardens, cafe, playground etc etc. The planting is interesting so something has changed every couple of weeks, new things to spot coming into flower etc. Maybe it's different if your only park is a small square of green with no trees and just a swing park.

Granted, there comes a stage where they want to spend ages in the playground and it can get a bit boring because not much changes about that each time, apart from the times they can manage to do something new like push themselvse on the swings or go up the "big slide" or the top of the climbing frame without help etc.

I really don't understand people who get no pleasure from seeing their children achieve something new, or just have their head in their phone while their child is wanting to talk to them and just nod "mmmm, lovely, dear!". Children sense these things.

Thepeopleversuswork · 08/01/2023 10:46

I personally love the park/walks because I crave the outside and I start to climb the walls if I am inside too long, it makes me claustrophobic and miserable.

But much of parenting involves doing stuff that is tedious. I don’t think there’s anything remotely unnatural about not being enthusiastic about this.

As others have said I would go for something like an audiobook.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 08/01/2023 10:47

And as for the beach....find one with rock pools, or a sandy beach and get building sandcastles with them, or making dams and channels. Or one with sand dunes and go running up and down them. Or a pebbly one and see who can find the most interesting one or a fossil or shell or something. Or have a list of things to spot first and make it a competition - starfish, crab or whatever. Have races to the sea.