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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU and a horrible mum for not enjoying parks or walks?

132 replies

RabbitInSpace · 08/01/2023 10:07

A bit of context first, I have adhd and anxiety so my brain is frequently looking for stimulation, distraction and dopamine.
I'm receiving therapy and I know I need to work on feeling calmer and settled in myself long term and need to find ways to manage this.
However, I'm not there yet.

I have a 4 year old and 18 month old. Of course they love going to parks and we do go because I know it's for them. But I really don't enjoy it one bit. There's no stimulation, no interest, nothing to absorb me. My mind becomes anxious and thoughts can be more intrusive. If we go with friends, that can be better but we don't do that very much.

I love taking the children to different places where we haven't been before. Museums are great because they're interesting and absorbing. Children's classes and groups are fine too. But these things aren't possible all the time.

Tbh, I'm writing this today because it's January, a Sunday, nothing is going on, nothing really to do and nobody available to see with the children so what does that leave us with... a park or a walk?!!

OP posts:
Freetodowhatiwant · 08/01/2023 12:29

I think it also depends what your local park is like. If it is a stunning London park a short walk away (we have this when the kids were tiny) it's a lot nicer for everyone.

I have the opposite however, I always want to go out and hate staying in and my kids love staying in. I feel guilt and frustration and like a terrible parent too (why do we do this to ourselves?!) that I can't easily get mine out. In my head all other parents are out doing amazing outdoor things with their kids and mine are just happy chilling at home. I feel like we are missing out and want to go out and do great things!

But..It's January, cold and grey. We should go easier on ourselves and not worry about it.

HelloJan · 08/01/2023 12:34

You are not a horrible mum, but YABU for not enjoying parks and walks 😄

Read/watch something on your phone while your kids are playing if you truly can't just walk.

AnuSTart · 08/01/2023 12:36

Parks. Are. The. Worst.

I've had 5 kids and when they get older I will rejoice at never going to a bloody park again. Ever. (I'm nearly there)
If I become a grandmother I shall offer to do anything but park visits.
It's like pulling teeth, only worse.

And no I am not a shit mum, nor are you. I'm honest about how tedious early motherhood can be.

PossiblyOverstepping · 08/01/2023 12:37

I was always out when kids were small, mine are like greyhounds and need to be run! So I actively sought out other mothers to chat too and even swapped numbers so we could go together. Chatting makes it go a lot quicker. Painting and cake decorating is my idea of hell though ! I admire anyone who can craft but I’d go mad. I don’t think it’s an adhd thing, just the parent grind

Cinnamonandcoal · 08/01/2023 12:46

I listen to an audiobook on one headphone.

Doingmybest12 · 08/01/2023 12:54

Go to the park or don't go to the park . But your children need physical play and fresh air. A park is an easy , free way to do this. It doesn't make you a bad mum if you have a different way of achieving the same thing.

BCBird · 08/01/2023 13:00

You are not bein g unreasonable not enjoying it,I bet most parents don't. The purpose of the park is for the childrens' stimulation not yours. Sometimes we have to do things we don't really want to do.

Realfastfoodie · 08/01/2023 13:05

Honestly, my DC is much calmer and more confident outside. And if he needs to burn off steam it’s so much better outside. And I love seeing them explore and find things. I prefer the wilder areas of parks to the straight swings and slides bit but even within playgrounds there is a lot of variety.

Probably a mixture is called for here - do more of the stuff you love to do and engage them with this, and find ways of making the other stuff more bearable for you (coffee, podcast, friends) so they get a mixture. You could also try to outsource some of these things - don’t like messy play, book them in for a session? Don’t like outdoor stuff, how about forest school? Don’t like playgrounds, do it as part of something else, like an after school club with a playground?

phoenixrosehere · 08/01/2023 13:10

Cinnamonandcoal · 08/01/2023 12:46

I listen to an audiobook on one headphone.

I listen to different podcasts and do the same at soft play. I can keep an eye while listening to something that I enjoy.

DisneyChops · 08/01/2023 13:13

I mean does anyone actually enjoy pushing their child on the swing for half an hour?
Most stuff involving young children is tedious. Not many people like to admit it though, in case it makes them look bad (fyi, it doesn't).

TheGoogleMum · 08/01/2023 13:18

We don't go to the park much, DD likes staying home and playing with her toys. To the point we fo worry and ask are you sure you don't want to go somewhere? And she says no, "stay home and play" (she is 4)

Cnidarian · 08/01/2023 13:25

Cinnamonandcoal · 08/01/2023 12:46

I listen to an audiobook on one headphone.

Me too

Fairyliz · 08/01/2023 13:28

NancyJoan · 08/01/2023 10:33

It is boring yes. But much of child rearing is.

I think this sums it up in one short sentence.

Herroyal · 08/01/2023 13:30

Parks for little kids can be dull, take a book! They need to get outdoors, no adult has ever gone to a toddler park because they love standing around watching small people crash into each other and fall off things.
Your children are learning how to be physically adventurous, how to take risks safely, getting exercise, socialising with new people/children.
We haven’t touched a kiddie park in about 2 years now that our kids are 10/12/13 - and I can’t imagine why we would ever go near one again!

Herroyal · 08/01/2023 13:31

Podcast?

hadenoughforever · 08/01/2023 13:40

notacooldad · 08/01/2023 10:34

The park is repetitive and boring when dc are small and you have to constantly keep an eye on them
Well you have to keep your eye on them constantly anyway.
I got really bored at hated going to our park but although it was incredibly boring for me the children liked the familiarity if it and it was ' their place' Nit everything about parenting I'd fun it super interesting but the children liked have a routine and something that they knew well.
I asked ds1 where he wanted to gor a day out and he could go anywhere. My heart sank when he said the town park. I tried to discourage him but he said that I said he could go anywhere! Parks or familiar places are important to children.
I have to say I've never set foot in place once they could take themselves!!!

Oh this… mine are grown up but I use to go out of a sense of duty and frankly longing to get back home. I didn’t begrudge them their fun (all that “look at me, Mum, “higher higher”) on the swings. But I found it easier to be in garden in summer and enjoyed indoor crafts even it was colouring or play dough than trudging to the tiny park. That said, I miss those days as I’m sat here on Mumsnet.
In answer to OP, you are not a horrible mum. Being a Mum can be dull. Mind blowing dull!

DuchessofSandwich · 08/01/2023 13:43

CurlyhairedAssassin · 08/01/2023 10:43

I don't really understand the people saying they don't like walks and parks. Does that mean you don't enjoy the outdoors generally yourself? Do you not chat about what you see to the children? Get enjoyment out of seeing them discover or learn new things? Take a bike for the 4 year old?

Perhaps do you only have boring parks and walks near you? I'm in a city and my nearest park is great, it is large and has all these different areas of interest including a lake, woodland walk, Japanese garden, walled gardens, cafe, playground etc etc. The planting is interesting so something has changed every couple of weeks, new things to spot coming into flower etc. Maybe it's different if your only park is a small square of green with no trees and just a swing park.

Granted, there comes a stage where they want to spend ages in the playground and it can get a bit boring because not much changes about that each time, apart from the times they can manage to do something new like push themselvse on the swings or go up the "big slide" or the top of the climbing frame without help etc.

I really don't understand people who get no pleasure from seeing their children achieve something new, or just have their head in their phone while their child is wanting to talk to them and just nod "mmmm, lovely, dear!". Children sense these things.

I live in a small town and you can see the whole of the park within two blinks. It's a grassy field with trees around amd in the middle there's one slide, one swing and a sandpit. That's it. What on earth should I teach DD? Oh, that's a tree, that's another one (they're oaks or chestnut trees, no other ones), that's grass and that's sand????? She's 2, she knows that already.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 08/01/2023 13:44

I wouldn't say I dislike parks and I love a walk but I feel like when I'm going to go the park I like to have a book with me as it does get a bit boring.

Roseelane · 08/01/2023 13:45

You don't have to have adhd and anxiety to find the park extremely boring!

HerReputationMadeItDifficultToProceed · 08/01/2023 13:45

I fucking hate the park. To quote Mark Corrigan of Peep Show fame (while at a soft play) "at least it's not the park. You really want to kill yourself at the park."

My solution to this is that DH takes them to the park. Unless it's a beautiful sunny day, I don't want to go (and even then, i don't love it). That's okay, I do plenty of other stuff for them and with them. Don't sweat it.

RiverSkater · 08/01/2023 14:01

No, you're not horrible. Just normal. Play parks are for kids. Not adults. Some as pretend play.

Just do your best, vary locations, set a time limit and it's manageable.

We always enjoyed treasure hunting looking for random things and we all loved that. Taking pictures too.

RiverSkater · 08/01/2023 14:01

Same as pretend play as who really enjoys that??

Bunchamunchacarrots · 08/01/2023 14:05

Yanbu. Also, this depends where you live, as parks are built and maintained by the Local Authority.

Despite living in a relatively large city, our LA is poor and years of underinvestment have made our parks grim shitholes (literally, there are so many dogs here).

Bunchamunchacarrots · 08/01/2023 14:08

I often drive out of the city to take DC to the next LA, where the parks are lovely. Nice parks are important and I think it's a societal issue that is not often addressed.

WannabeMathematician · 08/01/2023 14:11

This is why I take a mum friend to the park. And I’m that parent who goes on the climbing frame as I’m bored.