AIBU and a horrible mum for not enjoying parks or walks?

[RabbitInSpace]

A bit of context first, I have adhd and anxiety so my brain is frequently looking for stimulation, distraction and dopamine.
I'm receiving therapy and I know I need to work on feeling calmer and settled in myself long term and need to find ways to manage this.
However, I'm not there yet.

I have a 4 year old and 18 month old. Of course they love going to parks and we do go because I know it's for them. But I really don't enjoy it one bit. There's no stimulation, no interest, nothing to absorb me. My mind becomes anxious and thoughts can be more intrusive. If we go with friends, that can be better but we don't do that very much.

I love taking the children to different places where we haven't been before. Museums are great because they're interesting and absorbing. Children's classes and groups are fine too. But these things aren't possible all the time.

Tbh, I'm writing this today because it's January, a Sunday, nothing is going on, nothing really to do and nobody available to see with the children so what does that leave us with... a park or a walk?!!

I very rarely took mine to a park, because they spent their whole childhood in rural Perthshire, so we had an endless choice of hills, lochs and forests to go out to.
Plus we were only half an hour from the beach, and an hour from Edinburgh.
Being in a prime tourist area, there were lots of wildlife parks, museums, castles, tourist attractions, swimming pools, etc, so the park wasn’t much of a draw for them. We had a slide, rocker, paddling pool and sandpit in our garden, so no need to go to a park for that level of minor amusement.

Completely agree with this.
Spending time outdoors everyday with lots of opportunities to run, climb, swing, spin, balance is really important for lots of areas of healthy child development - this doesn't have to be the park, but playgrounds are a lot of fun for children although some playgrounds are much better in terms of decent play equipment than others. Woodlands, beaches, nature reserves, country parks, national trust places are all good alternatives.

Haha I've just been thinking today that I'm a horrible mum for hating staying in doing crafts or baking, ugh. I'd much rather belt round the park kicking a ball etc but it's pouring with rain here.
Just shows we're all different, we all beat ourselves up and none of us are horrible mums!
Keep going, you're doing great x

I have adhd and have one AirPod in playing podcasts I can stay at the park as long as my 3 year old wants then, playing the whole time with him. I don't even really listen to the podcast but it helps me concentrate.!

I love taking mine to the park but we have quite a few nice ones around and the walk to each park is always an adventure. I only have one DC and they are 6 so we chat about everything and play weird games in the park. If there is no one else around I'll have a climb and a swing too, and I love having a go on the trampoline. 😂I can see it being really dull if the park is just a small green with nothing else and I think we're lucky to have so many nice play parks here.

I will say that sometimes it is nicer to take a friend so the kids can go crazy together and I can have a grown up chat.

Does anyone love those things? I'm pretty sure I just slogged through because I knew it was good for the dc.

I loved the park and the beach when mine were small. I would spend hours there in all weathers partly because I hate baking and crafts and my kids were odd in the fact they hated watching TV/DVDS (they are teens now and still dont watch much TV!!) so my only option was being out with them. However I had a really good arrangement with a friend who hated parks too - I would take her LG to the park with my kids and she would have both of mine to bake at hers and when they were older sleepovers. We are all different but I love nothing more than being out in the fresh air with the kids running around - I don't understand how anyone can enjoy being cooped up in their house with kids making a mess.

Why not just stay at home and let them play, or read stories to them or something? You don't HAVE to fill their lives with "interesting stuff" all the time. Sometimes they just need to be able to chill out.

We tried going to a different one every week. I don't mind driving 30 miles to a new park with a good adventure playground.

There's nothing wrong with you, we all feel like that at the Park, soft play, etc it's just dire trying not to find even your own kids incredibly boring that's why we send them to nursery because the angels there never seem to get bored of it.
They get better as they get older, develop personality and so on

I agree and think part of the problem is the current crop of parents spent months and months walking and at the park over lockdown. There wasn’t anything else to do - not even school. I did every local walk/park to death

What do you enjoying in your own free time before kids? Is any of it kid friendly … library, crafting, playing music, park run etc? If you can do something you’re genuinely interested in it will be more fun.

Have you thought about buying a few of those books like '50 things to do when it's raining' or '50 things to spot on a walk'? They might help you not only engage in a walk or the park, but maybe interact/engage with the kids. If you do it everytime you go for a walk, it could eventually become a natural thing, which will help calm the nerves or stop the anxiety levels going through the roof.

I remember someone tell me once: if your children are bathed, cleaned, well-fed and loved, then you're a good mum.

Do what you can. By all means try to keep them active and mentally stimulated, enrol them in activities/classes, given them quality time, get to know them, find out about their interests and encourage them, etc. and above all, show them you love and care about them, but don't compare yourself to other mums. It's tough enough being a parent.

I actually enjoy a walk or park with the kids as I pop in one earbud and listen to a podcast or chat show and means I have 30-40 mins of “ peace” as the kids are not hanging off me and they are preoccupied with whatever forest we are in or park etc and while I have to keep watching them constantly I do it will tuning out to a podcast and giving them a nod , smile or “ oh great lovely” when they show me the 100th stick they’ve found 😵‍💫
Also also works great if you have a toddler or baby that insists on you staying in the room until they go to sleep( a recent development in our house but not worth the battle!) put in an Earbud and listen to music or podcast xx
i have some great value ones from soundcore !

Oh and bring a coffee or tea for yourself in a travel mug !

I find that a cheeky AirPod conveying a podcast into my left ear helps!

If you didn’t want to do the stuff that kids like, then having kids was going to be problematic. It’s not about your wants, this is about them and what a 4 y/o and 18 month old enjoy. One day they will be older and you’re going to regret the moments you didn’t take them to the park to feed the ducks or to play. Museums are great for kids too but they also need to be messy, run and breathe fresh air.

You're nota horrible Mum at all, especially as you enjoy doing stuff more with them that is actually more educational for them like going to.museums! And you do still take them to the park for their benefit despite not enjoying it yourself. I'd say that makes you a very good Mum personally.

There's all kinds of things we do as parents that are pretty miserable, I actually hate play dates, I constantly stress when my kid doesn't want to do the same as the other kid and just wants to play with me instead etc, but I still do them because they are good for her.

Be kinder to yourself...you're doing just great. :)

I agree with this. I think we all have different strengths as parents just as we do in other areas of our lives. I love the outdoors and really like taking my children to parks and for walks and other outdoor activities.

But I hate doing crafts and baking with them with an absolute passion. I can’t stand the mess and their inevitable frustration. Over the years I’ve found various ways of making it a bit more tolerable but I still hate it.

It’s fine not to enjoy every second of parenting and it’s fine to look for ways to make the bits you don’t like more tolerable.

If I’m on my own I don’t enjoy taking my two the park. My head feels like it’s on a swivel and I am on hyper alert are they in sight, don’t run in front of the swings etc etc. I don’t mind if I go with someone else and we take a child each as it were.

@NoWayRose I think you're absolutely right about doing parks too much during covid.

My 4yo son and I both love museums, possibly because we both have adhd and a museum (an interactive one) is great stimulation. Both having children, I absolutely loved going to the theatre and cinema. Not exactly a cheap outing now but I am hoping to do that sort of thing more.

We've been to Lego workshops at local libraries, they're pretty good.

As other posters have said, it does depend where you live I think. We're in Essex about 30 miles outside of central London. We actually end up going into London quite a bit, for the museums and parks. For example Greenwich is great - a free museum and fantastic park for little ones.

I think where we are in Essex is ok for things to do overall but does tend to be a bit more seasonal. So at the moment, it's all a bit dead. Whereas in London, there's always something going on.

If anyone knows of anything Essex/London direction going on for families or just something to try, I'd love some more ideas? :)

Where in Essex? It's actually a really good place for birdwatching but also I used to get an annual pass for the zoo at Colchester which is really good, go every free day, take a picnic

i know what you mean - you are preferring interactive musuems
so it is not just for your dc
that is fair enough.
there are outdoor interactive playgrounds
but these are all about the dc

I used to hate going to the park with mine, I was ok if the play park was attached to a country park and we could walk the nature trail, in the woods and visit the lake etc.
But just the play park I’d find mind numbingly boring so tended to avoid as much as I could.
Tbh I wasn’t one of these mums that had to fill every spare minute with activities either or going out everyday. We were just as happy pottering around at home or in the garden.

Yabu for calling yourself a horrible mum though. It’s not as if you aren’t doing anything at all with your dc, you are doing plenty but different stuff that you find more interesting. That doesn’t make you horrible.