AIBU and a horrible mum for not enjoying parks or walks?

[RabbitInSpace]

A bit of context first, I have adhd and anxiety so my brain is frequently looking for stimulation, distraction and dopamine.
I'm receiving therapy and I know I need to work on feeling calmer and settled in myself long term and need to find ways to manage this.
However, I'm not there yet.

I have a 4 year old and 18 month old. Of course they love going to parks and we do go because I know it's for them. But I really don't enjoy it one bit. There's no stimulation, no interest, nothing to absorb me. My mind becomes anxious and thoughts can be more intrusive. If we go with friends, that can be better but we don't do that very much.

I love taking the children to different places where we haven't been before. Museums are great because they're interesting and absorbing. Children's classes and groups are fine too. But these things aren't possible all the time.

Tbh, I'm writing this today because it's January, a Sunday, nothing is going on, nothing really to do and nobody available to see with the children so what does that leave us with... a park or a walk?!!

Not horrible at all! There are parts of parenting we all find dull. It's worst when they're tiny and you have to follow them round the playground or at least watch them closely, making sure they are safe.

My DC are 8 and 10 and I don't need to watch them so closely, so I can sit and read my kindle. The bonus of a local park is that they often bump into friends so it's good for developing friendships and then I often chat to parents too. We can walk there, it's free, and just v simple. We might take a snack or go to a cafe for a treat as well, but it doesn't take much planning. Yes it does get boring though and it's more for them than me! We do mix things up and in bad weather I enjoy taking them swimming. Soft play again is all about them but gets easier as you don't need to watch them so closely. Going with friends helps so you have someone to talk to!

I wish my DC enjoyed museums and art galleries but that's quite a battle as the eldest has ASD and limited attention span. It is getting better now but she never used to engage with the interactive stuff and we would struggle to stay for longer than 30 mins. Great you have London within reach and I'm sure you will enjoy it together more and more as the dc get older!

You’re not manipulative at all, don’t pay attention to the idiot who said that.

I don’t enjoy the park either. I have 3 children under 6 and I can’t play on everything all at once, I can’t keep an eye on them all at once and I absolutely can’t even take a minute to chill out because I’m terrified some weirdo is gonna kidnap one of them! :)))))

it’s slightly better when I’m with my husband as we have more eyes on them, but in general parks and walks with my kids just make me feel more stressed and exhausted than anything. Although when my eldest two are at school & pre-school I do enjoy a park morning with my littlest. Much more chilled, one on one time.

You are doing your best. Try soft plays around 9am as they’re quieter than (they get busy about 10ish by me). Or garden centres, pets at home. My kids love big Tesco hahaha.

xxx

@Worcestershirem0mmy I'd forgotten about Pets at Home. My two love doing that and our local one has recently opened up a children's activity area which is cute.

I don't think anyone relishes the idea of going to the park since we all have to do it so often for such a long time. After lockdown I had tried every park in the South East of London and had to start travelling further because I couldn't bear to go to the same park again.

You are not going to be able to do something every single day / every single weekend - although you could put your older child into dance classes / gymnastics / swimming classes at the weekend when they get a bit older. It won't be forever.

I love going to the park and make a day of it, love walks too! Lots of things to do to make it interesting (we do live in a great place though). I loathe museums with a passion.

Yes, you are a horrible mum.

(Ask a silly question, get a silly answer.)

Absolutely not. The park is shite when your kids are small. You need to follow them around, while they flit from one thing to the next every 3 seconds and do their utmost to injure themselves at every opportunity.

Walks are as bad. One's running ahead, the other is lagging behind and whining and your overriding thought is 'Fuck This'.

Be kind to yourself xx