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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU and a horrible mum for not enjoying parks or walks?

132 replies

RabbitInSpace · 08/01/2023 10:07

A bit of context first, I have adhd and anxiety so my brain is frequently looking for stimulation, distraction and dopamine.
I'm receiving therapy and I know I need to work on feeling calmer and settled in myself long term and need to find ways to manage this.
However, I'm not there yet.

I have a 4 year old and 18 month old. Of course they love going to parks and we do go because I know it's for them. But I really don't enjoy it one bit. There's no stimulation, no interest, nothing to absorb me. My mind becomes anxious and thoughts can be more intrusive. If we go with friends, that can be better but we don't do that very much.

I love taking the children to different places where we haven't been before. Museums are great because they're interesting and absorbing. Children's classes and groups are fine too. But these things aren't possible all the time.

Tbh, I'm writing this today because it's January, a Sunday, nothing is going on, nothing really to do and nobody available to see with the children so what does that leave us with... a park or a walk?!!

OP posts:
DiddyHeck · 08/01/2023 11:27

I wasn't overkeen on the park either but needs must and they needed exercise.

It can be boring but you can always teach them to play football/cricket etc and try to make it fun.

You don't need to stay longer than an hour.

Prinnny · 08/01/2023 11:27

By ‘park’ I mean like the actual playground bit, we go walking through the local woods daily with the dog, and in the summer paddle in the stream etc but sitting in the park in January is not for me!

creamcoffee · 08/01/2023 11:28

museums are exhasting!

creamcoffee · 08/01/2023 11:28

exhausting

creamcoffee · 08/01/2023 11:29

we used to go to a childrens zoo
all the time,
they would run through to the playground though!

shewolfsout · 08/01/2023 11:30

Maybe I'm a horrible mum for never taking my kids to museums!

I think you're giving yourself a hard time, if you never go for a muddy walk or park trip again your kids will be fine. They still need exercise and fresh air, so if you've got a garden you could put a trampoline in it? Or take them to the swimming pool, soft play or trampoline park. Or find lots of extra curricular activities to keep them busy and physically healthy. There is no one size fits all to parenting. Lots of kids get to adulthood having never done some of the things other families think are important.

There are some kids who watch loads of TV and family time is built around movie nights, cinema trips, and buying merchandise. There are other families who don't have a TV at all.
Adults are all fine!

There are some kids who do loads of sport activities and family time is built around sports practice and sports games. There are other families who don't do any sport at all.
Adults are all fine!

If you want to take them to a museum instead of the park, do it. Neither thing holds greater value ultimately, but it's what is right for you and your kids.

SmokeyPaprika · 08/01/2023 11:30

Audible and a good book with out of sight earphones. It's not as though you have to keep up chatting to them - apart from 'careful' or 'NO' there's not much to say.

creamcoffee · 08/01/2023 11:31

that is a great idea @SmokeyPaprika

SmokeyPaprika · 08/01/2023 11:32

I think woodland and countryside are easier - nothing to climb and fall off until they're older.

TheChosenTwo · 08/01/2023 11:33

I always hated the park unless I was there with a friend and had someone to talk to.
When my older 2 were small we had a park really nearby and I’d often bump into one of my sils or offer to take my younger sister (she was only a few years older than my 2 and they adored her, it worked out well for all of us), but on the whole it’s tedious but usually a brilliant way for them to climb, explore and generally knacker themselves out for free.
I know it’s hated by so many on here but I always loved soft play, they would bugger off and as it was all enclosed and warm I could sit and read my book and keep looking up to make sure they were okay. Food was pretty cheap and we could spend a good 3 hours out of the house taking into account driving time, play time and eating.

DataColour · 08/01/2023 11:34

You're not a horrible mum we all tolerate different things when it comes to kids.

Personality I love going to the park with the kids. They are now 14 and 12, so it doesn't happen so much now but when they were younger we were at the park almost daily. I loved pushing them on the swings, the roundabout, sliding down the slides with them on my lap, playing football, catch, cricket..much to do. Of course it's better if the weather it nice but we used to go out in most weather conditions. We do a lot of cycling holidays as a family too. Did a lot of European city breaks when they were younger which involved afternoons at the park, they'd play and we'd read our books, it was lovely.

Only the other day I was out playing basketball in the park with my 14yr old! I do this quite a lot, I'm just happy he is not embarrassed by me!

On the other hand, I hate imaginative play, creative stuff, cooking unless DH is helping with the mess.

FiaMarrow · 08/01/2023 11:34

We live right by the park - reading this thread has triggered memories of relentless swing/roundabout pushing.

Hang in there OP, it'll soon pass!
Love a long walk in the woods though.

Damnautocorrect · 08/01/2023 11:36

Your not a shit mum, aimlessly going to the park is boring. Go with a purpose.
Feed the ducks, put water suits on and go puddle jumping (all of you), pond dipping in a stream with a field study guide. treasure hunt (find a feather, an oak leaf, a stickman twig).
I used to take shiny wrapped sweets to leave in “fairy doors” on trees and say the fairy’s left them.
ds used to take a toy to take pictures of its “adventures” and would make up stories about what it was doing.

TheChosenTwo · 08/01/2023 11:36

And I never used to enjoy taking them for ‘walks’ anywhere as they were invariably okay for 10 minutes before it turned into a moan fest of ‘I’m tired, can you carry me, when are we going home, blah blah blah…’ actually, the youngest is now 11 and he’s still the same 😂 unless he has a cousin or someone he deems to be of equal ‘fun value’ is there.
So no OP, you’re not horrible but I think you knew that really. Lots of parts of child rearing is dull but necessary! My biggest 2 are now 17 and 18 and enjoy coming out for walks - it’s taken years though!!

Damnautocorrect · 08/01/2023 11:37

Oh and vary the park. There’s some gems out there but you do need to mix it up. National trust membership is good for a bit of park, bit of playground and organised stuff

WetLondoner · 08/01/2023 11:39

I’ve found getting a dog has been the best thing for us. I hated random walks and the park before we got him now I love walks/park/outdoors and it’s the reason that gets us out, putting our wellies on and getting muddy.

Best decision ever.

I love a lazy morning, dog walks, lots of fresh air and back home to make a roast.

Then bubble baths and getting clothes all ready for back to school Monday.

creamcoffee · 08/01/2023 11:39

we used to find other parks, go for a drive and stop if there was an unexplored one

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 08/01/2023 11:40

Tbh 80% of parenting is boring and repetitive and going through the motions as you know the kids will enjoy it or it's good for them.

Soozikinzii · 08/01/2023 11:40

I have 5DSs and 1DSs all grown now and doing OK ! I enjoyed walks and parks and stuff but never enjoyed board games so I always felt bad about that. Especially around Christmas when they show families enjoying board games together. I suppose we all have our different strengths and weaknesses . It's just nowadays there's so much pressure on parents . Give yourself a break ! You're doing a great job I'm sure !

CurlyhairedAssassin · 08/01/2023 11:50

Soozikinzii · 08/01/2023 11:40

I have 5DSs and 1DSs all grown now and doing OK ! I enjoyed walks and parks and stuff but never enjoyed board games so I always felt bad about that. Especially around Christmas when they show families enjoying board games together. I suppose we all have our different strengths and weaknesses . It's just nowadays there's so much pressure on parents . Give yourself a break ! You're doing a great job I'm sure !

Ha yes, DH hates board games with a passion. He's actually got an acronym for it - EFM. Enforced Family Merriment. Every time I said to him that the kids had asked to play a boardgame he'd say sarcastically "oh, how I love EFM!"

Lsquiggles · 08/01/2023 11:51

Playgrounds bore me to tears but I do enjoy walking round a park with my 3 year old, she has a lot of energy and it means she's not trashing the house 😂

TiaraBoo · 08/01/2023 11:55

No, the only fun is seeing their faces light up when you start swinging by them high.
But you don’t need to go to the park for long, just what suits you.

Hoolihan · 08/01/2023 12:01

My god I hated the park, especially in the winter. The mind numbing tedium. Also detested board games, crafting, baking, playing with their toys, soft play. We spent a lot of time in the library.

I'm lucky that we lived in London when mine were small so had access to cheap buses and amazing museums/galleries/events/green spaces. If I'd been reliant on the local playground I would have lost my marbles.

creamcoffee · 08/01/2023 12:19

i liked the playground
i could smoke Grin without fear of recrimnation
most places i coud take my dog
two jobs in one!

ShrillBill · 08/01/2023 12:23

@RabbitInSpace Its a shame we couldn't swap kids for a couple of hours, when mine were small it was me that loved parks and walks, they were bored stiff and preferred indoor play!