Just turned 17 Yr old dd having sex

[PleaseAdviseMeHowToApproachThis]

Dd has a boyfriend for the past 5 months. He's a nice enough lad from what we know of him. We went out this evening & she had him round. He'd left by the time we got back at 11pm. There was a used condom floating in the toilet when I went into the bathroom. I have to admit my heart sank

She's only JUST turned 17 a week ago. She's still so young in my mind for sex & all that is brings. We're open enough & talk a lot but she's not mentioned this.

I'm really worried that she'll get pregnant. That's my biggest fear. I know it's natural but I need to get my head around it- do I say anything to her?

She's not on the pill. I think that's urgently the next step. He's her first boyfriend.

I'm having a glass of wine but....my baby 😢

I know I'm being silly so please don't pile on. I just wasn't expecting that tonight.

How would you/ did you handle this?

While I don't know her personally, she's not too young purely because she's 17. I'd had sex countless times by the time I was her age, just to put it into perspective. I started at 15.

Sorry to give the op anything else to stress about but just because there was a used condom doesn’t mean they didn’t have unprotected sex.

I remember when I was young starting with condoms but finishing without one if that makes sense. People can get carried away in the heat of the moment

Obviously chosen by both partners and sorry if tmi

Please don’t mention the condom, my mum did this to me and it was so embarrassing I shut off and didn’t speak to her about anything. She’s 17 and is doing it safely, I would just leave her to it. I pressume you’ve had a talk about safe sex before?

You feel how you feel about it so I voted YANBU. Just need a word with her about the implications of being securely active and how to manage it responsibly from an STI and unwanted pregnancy point of view. Open dialogue with a teen is always good. Hope conversation goes OK.

One reassuring thing is the use of condoms. Too many men because of porn or irresponsibility refuse to use them.

What is there to say - bar don’t flush condoms wrap in loo roll and put in bin.

What on earth is to be gained by a big intense cringe conversation - she’s over age in a relationship and using protection.

I went on the pill at 19 it killed all sexual feeling stone dead only when I came off it did I realise what the fuss was about re sex so am very wary of messing with hormones if I’d stayed on it would have had a shit sex life for life! .

I have a Dd the same age and would feel the same though so sympathy there!

Just ask her to make sure they're not flushing condoms and ask if she's managed to sort her own contraception or whether she needs any help looking through the options.

Be completely unemotional about it.

Don’t mention the condom -she’ll be mortified I imagine. How would you have wanted say your mother to have handled your (presumably) first sexual experiences when you were her age?

Presumably you’ve discussed contraception etc with her before now? Don’t push her onto the pill - just facilitate her right to informed choice about contraception.

She may already be on it or not want to be. Her body her choice. Just say that you want to make sure she knows what options inc MA pill etc there are as it’s a natural part of relationships & you just need to do your bit as mum to make sure she’s got it covered. And that she can talk to you any time about it if she wants to. Even though she most probably won’t.

I have a 19 and 18 year old, both have been / are sexually active. I have tried to be very open and casual about sex and both of my DC know they can talk to me about it without judgment or shame. DD had a pregnancy scare and was able to tell me straight away. I know it is a shock but I think back to when I was a teenager and lost my virginity at 15, it is naive to think they won't be having sex with partners. It is by far the best way to be approachable.

I think its great she has a nice boyfriend, they're being safe and she's 17. Two of my daughter's friends have started at 12/13, with one-timers. I think your daughter sounds very sensible. However I'd take her to the Dr to discuss contraception, and tell her not to flush condoms down the toilet.

This!! Why is everyone so keen to stick every teen on the pill, or implant/injection etc. They can come with all kinds of issues themselves.She should absolutely be fully informed( probably is aware) but she’s 17 and already using condoms as protection which is sensible. She may already be on another form.

My sister got pregnant twice on the pill. I’ve never had any hormonal contraception and I’ve only ever used condoms. I had regular periods which weren’t heavy or painful I didn’t want to disrupt that with hormones. I’ve had friends and family who have had awful issues with hormonal contraceptives. I’m 43 never had an STI or an unwanted pregnancy.

It’s totally normal.
Talk to her, leave condoms readily available and tell her where they are.
There needs to be loads so it’s not obvious when one goes missing

I have an almost 17 yr old DD and I have to admit I would be shocked/upset if she was having sex (maybe she is but have no reason to believe this..) It's the loss of childhood and so I totally understand where you are coming from OP. And the fear of pregnancy. Talk to her and help her make an informed choice re contraception. Goodluck

I got pregnant at 17 and had my baby at 18. I didn't use contraception because I was very naive and silly, and my mum had never had conversations about sex with me. It sounds like she's using contraception, so that's good! As long as she's being safe, that's the main thing.

It’s very normal OP and probably not the first time! I wouldn’t mention the condom but you need to have a chat, why not open lines of communication with ‘you and X seem to be getting pretty serious, have you thought about contraception’

17, safe at home, with a regular boyfriend (known to you), and using condoms. I'd say overall she (and you!) have done a great job 👏🏼

Shes not too young. I would talk to her about maybe being on the pill.

You know what else really messes with mood/weight and anxiety? Unwanted pregnancies and babies.

She's probably slightly older than the average to have started sex but it's a sign she is growing up. Try to see it as a normal part of healthy relationships.

I think she does need to double up on contraception
Well thatll be her choice and hers alone.

Let go of the 'she's my baby' mentality and think practically about what she might need.

Make sure she knows you're available for chats and let her know she can set the boundaries of a conversation. "If you want to talk to me and just want me to listen without commenting, let me know" sort of thing.

I think I'd want to have a chat about cycle tracking - there are some great apps and using one of those should help with the panic about late periods or not. Resources that help her understand her cycle better - taking charge of your fertility is really good and they're is a ten version too, but there may be more modern books now.

Oh OP she isn’t a baby. She’s 17!

I talked to my DD17 about contraception and took her to get the implant. She’s in a long term committed relationship too.

DS16 was having sex from shortly after his flipping birthday. DH had the chat with him about condoms and consent.

DS19 shares his condoms around our house now like they’re flipping smarties 😂

They’re growing up. It happens. Just be glad she is safe!

OP, l have responded positively and supportive about your daughter taking the right approach upthread.

But can l ask you 2 questions please?

1. How old were you when you started having sex?
2. Did you come from the sort of household where you were taught sex was wrong?

Just have a convo with her OP. It’s a bit crass leaving a floating condom in the toilet.

She is certainly old enough that’s for sure. I celebrated my 17th with a glorious one night stand. Of course are own daughters are not old enough 😉. They’re absolutely still our babies. I understand how you must have felt but best thing is just to get her on decent contraception now. 💐

The condom in the toilet is rank. Her BF needs to know not to do that again!