Is this him cancelling!

[WorriedWarrier]

he cancelled first time as was feeling ill

im starting a new job and was just hanging around at my home as starting a new job/everyone is broke lol (Meet point is quite close to where I live) so we never arranged a time or anything…. I said to let’s keep it open :/

he can’t be fucked right?

What a drama ... can you really be bothered ? ... I'd rather stay home with a good book. Neither of you sound particularly committed. Just leave it.

I agree op, I don't think he's terribly keen or he would re-arrange his dinner and want to see you if it's been weeks since you last met.

On another entirely unrelated note, who the hell goes to Starbucks for a date? Awful coffee breath afterwards

If you wanted to meet him you should have been a bit firmer with a time tbh. The enthusiasm to meet up has to come from both sides. I thought you were going off cold guy anyway? So it doesn't matter.

I fully disagree. She’s the one who has made herself completely available and offered to work around his free slots, which is a tad desperate IMO.

In the time you’d spent asking on here you could have met him for a quick coffee.

I reread his message and your posts and see a bit better where you are coming from. You told him you'd be available and set a place, then he seemingly slotted you in a bit last minute before meeting someone else. For me people even have time for me and I make time for them, or they don't, and then I also don't. I also dont like being sandwiched in between other bits (it's different if it is a work commitment, but he has time to meet other people in the afternoon, just not you). He has not cancelled, but meeting you was far from priority. I kind of think he has another date in the evening, and probably hoped you'd forget about your meet up @WorriedWarrier

I didn't see your last thread but judging by that message he has done nothing wrong and your reply was unnecessarily arsey.
A quick dry shampoo and a 'Fancy meeting for a quick coffee in 15 mins?' would have done the job.

I learnt when I was younger that if you play it TOO cool with men it does not work in your favour.

He doesn’t seem so interested. But then again you don’t seem that interested also. It’s too ‘easy going flexible’.

So if you like him, I’d send him a really lighthearted text over the weekend, just for fun. A little bit cheeky.

Then send him a text next week being quite direct, ‘up for a coffee, today at 6?’ And then just leave it at that.

Or, as he's just told you, he's preparing to go out? He said he'd accommodate going out with you if you genuinely wanted to - you did, and you still said no?

You're giving him mixed signals and he's reciprocating them. He doesn't owe you anything OP. Be clear with what you want and when you want it, and others will do the same.

I understand he's not as keen as you'd like. It is annoying but then you haven't met so you're just a concept at the moment. He's not prince charming, clearly, but it's possible he doesn't know how to appear keen.

He's not responding now because your emoji sounds pissed off. He has no reason to engage with that as nothing's been invested and I get the sense that he'll be quick to assume you're not up for it now anyway.

In your situation I would have said let's meet, purely to rule him out. He could be flakey because he's nervous and meeting you could change everything.

But now it seems like the two of you can't arrange a meet up without all this faffing and the moment has passed. Time to let it go.

I think you are trading carefully and trying not to be too keen/pushy because you sensed he wasn’t that fussed when he cancelled and didn’t rush to rebook you in.

and I think you are right

Have you ever actually met? Because if not it’s perhaps fair enough he isn’t desperate to find time as you are in all fairness just someone on a dating app or whatever. If you fancy it then just say let’s fix a firm time tomorrow and see how he responds.

If you have previously met up then absolutely let this go as he should have decided if you were worth putting in the effort for or not and this exchange would suggest not.

I get the impression that you "sort of" want to finish this, but you also want to be the victim as well by blaming him. Your final sentence of OP is loaded that way.
If you're happy with the easy-going way, then keep going that way. But don't get yourself all annoyed if he cancels or can't make it. Nor should he be vice versa.
I like WinterSnowing's approach. You know what? This relationship might - just might - work.

It’s not supposed to be this hard when you haven’t even had a date yet. You’re annoyed he cancelled first time, people are telling you there’s been poor comms from you yet you’re still insistent he’s wrong. Just ditch him, all this drama doesn’t bode well for a happy relationship down the road

There’s a massive difference between playing it cool and having standards. Being cancelled on a previous date (he did not rearrange) then having to drop everything because he just texted you, put dry shampoo and run to the coffee place in 15 minutes is the equivalent to having very low standards. Better to be single than with someone who treats you like a mug.

He does sound like he's cancelling a bit yes, if he was into it he would have been made up to meet today, especially if you both had already mentioned today. But the fact that you knew it was supposed to be today and didn't wash your hair or anything.....you've done exactly what he has! If you were into it, and you knew it was today, you'd have been made up when he said he's free now....

I don't understand why you just didn't meet him to rule him out though, as a PP said? At least then you would know and not have this angst. If he didn't arrange a 2nd date after that, that's different and you'd have your answer.

I had just got home and his message wasn’t convincing

Is this the normal now that fully grown adult posts texts from a would be date to gauge his reaction? We don't know him. We don't know you. It's really juvenile stuff. Fuck me, wait till you really have a drama, your head will fall off.

If the communication between you is this bad, it's just not worth continuing. It's making you unhappy, so just move on.

Gosh, all of this and you’ve not even had a date yet? Personally, I don’t think first dates should be this much hard work to arrange, for either party involved! I’d leave it there and both move on.

Meh...give him the benefit of the doubt. If not you'll never know. See what comes of the meet up.

So if I'm understanding all your comments correctly, you thought you were definitely meeting today but just hadn't baked in a time - but hadn't washed your hair and won't meet without washing it....and washing it will take you longer than half an hour?

Neither of you sound particularly enthusiastic. I'm not suggesting you should be ready to jump the minute that he clicks his fingers but I'd have been prepared for the date if I was keen to meet.

Either way, you're clearly struggling with the basics of communications and have different expectations. I also remember your last thread. Move on. Life is too short for this level of angst over something which should be simple.

Omg stop this little cat and mouse game. It's not playing it cool, it's just annoying AF.

If you don't want to meet this guy, block him.

Otherwise, how about just text this: "How about [pick a day of the week] at [pick a place] at [pick a time]." WITH all the blanks filled in.

This is just irritating and beyond dramatic. Phone up, say, let’s sort a date and time right now or knock it on the head! What are you doing here with this craziness! Enough! You are two fully functioning humans, sort it out or leave it, this is just ridiculous!

He did rearrange. He just didn’t rearrange in the same text as cancelling.