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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this him cancelling!

133 replies

WorriedWarrier · 07/01/2023 15:09

he cancelled first time as was feeling ill

im starting a new job and was just hanging around at my home as starting a new job/everyone is broke lol (Meet point is quite close to where I live) so we never arranged a time or anything…. I said to let’s keep it open :/

he can’t be fucked right?

Is this him cancelling!
OP posts:
FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 07/01/2023 16:25

I get it, OP.

You want him to show he's keen to meet you, which he isn't doing. I don't think it's too much to ask.

However, it shouldn't be this hard before you've even met. Give up on him and keep looking.

NormalNans · 07/01/2023 16:28

You don’t seem particularly keen on him, or are you always like this?

Herejustforthisone · 07/01/2023 16:35

Such hard work.

fajitaaaa · 07/01/2023 16:37

WorriedWarrier · 07/01/2023 16:04

We had arranged to meet today…. At a coffee place, just no set time as I was waiting for him.

Show quote history

Ah right.

I think its just different communication styles. I'd not bother again. On to the next!

Original poster
WorriedWarrier · 07/01/2023 16:37

NormalNans · 07/01/2023 16:28

You don’t seem particularly keen on him, or are you always like this?

How am I not keen when I picked the location and agreed to the date? As it was before the new year we arranged to meet I said just let me know a time that suits you - I’ll be home as resting after holiday and preparing for work new job. To me that’s thoughtful….

OP posts:
sorrynotathome · 07/01/2023 16:41

Two ditherers - recipe for going nowhere...

SergeiL · 07/01/2023 16:41

Honestly, this doesn’t seem worth it. If you both wanted to meet, you would both be making positive plans and communicating more clearly. You also sound like you don’t really like him. I’d sack it off.

ShinyMe · 07/01/2023 16:42

WorriedWarrier · 07/01/2023 16:37

How am I not keen when I picked the location and agreed to the date? As it was before the new year we arranged to meet I said just let me know a time that suits you - I’ll be home as resting after holiday and preparing for work new job. To me that’s thoughtful….

Show quote history

Well to me that sounds like 'I'm ready whenever you are - let me know when' rather than 'tell me by x time in the morning because I will need to wash my hair' but maybe that's just me. If it was me, and I was interested, I'd have replied to say fab, let's meet up in half an hour.

InsomniacVampire · 07/01/2023 16:42

Picking a location does not equal to keen. I think you expect him to make a lot of faff and gush over you as you're there with your arms folded waiting.
If you're not bothered, then that;s that, if yiu like him, it's fine to make a bit more effort (I mean, if you were meeting why not have washed your hair in the morning, since you're starting a new job anyways and didnt have anything else to do?)

gamerchick · 07/01/2023 16:43

You're not putting out keen vibes OP, it does look like you can't be arsed. Unless you want him to chase you a bit first. Do you know what you want?

InsomniacVampire · 07/01/2023 16:44

Also, when was the last time you spoke about the date today- if yesterday, then yes, he does not dound too keen and best to leave it as he clearly made other plans for the afternoon so could squeeze you in only before then and I would nto bother. If it was last week and was not brought up later, then it was both your fault.

Original poster
WorriedWarrier · 07/01/2023 16:50

gamerchick · 07/01/2023 16:43

You're not putting out keen vibes OP, it does look like you can't be arsed. Unless you want him to chase you a bit first. Do you know what you want?

How can I not be arsed? He didn’t mention it today, he’s cancelled on me before for a “not bad cold”…. So me following up shows I’m interested.

OP posts:
Original poster
WorriedWarrier · 07/01/2023 16:51

InsomniacVampire · 07/01/2023 16:42

Picking a location does not equal to keen. I think you expect him to make a lot of faff and gush over you as you're there with your arms folded waiting.
If you're not bothered, then that;s that, if yiu like him, it's fine to make a bit more effort (I mean, if you were meeting why not have washed your hair in the morning, since you're starting a new job anyways and didnt have anything else to do?)

Because I was shopping this morning and just going about doing chores to make my afternoon free….

by the fact he hasn’t even responded to my message shows he’s not interested

OP posts:
SamTG · 07/01/2023 16:51

Sheesh, just go or don’t go!
Why are you asking on here when the only way of actually finding out is meeting up?

I was a bit noncommittal before my first date with my now husband.

GrasstrackGirl · 07/01/2023 16:54

Honestly you are the one giving off 'not fussed' vibes.

Dontsayyouloveme · 07/01/2023 16:54

I never suggest a potential date slotted me in where he could. I deserve better than that!

gamerchick · 07/01/2023 16:55

WorriedWarrier · 07/01/2023 16:50

How can I not be arsed? He didn’t mention it today, he’s cancelled on me before for a “not bad cold”…. So me following up shows I’m interested.

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They're your posts OP. This is how you're coming across to us. Arguing about it doesn't change how your posts come across.

Do you actually know what you want?

Tangled123 · 07/01/2023 16:56

Different communication styles here definitely. I think he wanted to meet soon after his message but wanted you to confirm when. You wanted him to state when so end result is no one stepped up. If you like him, maybe arrange something else, but I think both of you will get very frustrated with each other.

JoyeuxNarwhal · 07/01/2023 16:56

Huh? You didn't respond back with a time immediately because you needed to wash your hair, and yet you don't want to wash your hair until tomorrow? So you weren't actually prepared to meet him today anyway but want him to be the bad guy?

Daisy4569 · 07/01/2023 16:56

definitely feel like you’re not fussed, if you were you’d have washed your hair in the morning if it was essential before a meet up or just have gone when he said he was free (without the hair washing)

SoupDragon · 07/01/2023 16:57

WorriedWarrier · 07/01/2023 16:51

Because I was shopping this morning and just going about doing chores to make my afternoon free….

by the fact he hasn’t even responded to my message shows he’s not interested

Show quote history

And the fact that you didn't respond positively to his comment that he was free now shows that you're not interested. 🤷🏻‍♀️ If you were interested you wojld have replied "great! Starbucks in 15?" or something.

you've been looking for excuses all along. Just knock it on the head and stop dissecting everything looking for things that probably aren't there. If you're making this much of a meal about it already, it's not worth it.

Purplecatshopaholic · 07/01/2023 17:00

You don’t sound any keener than he does tbh. I would think he’s as frustrated with you, as you are with him. Forget this one and move on.

EmmetEmma · 07/01/2023 17:02

I agree with you OP - if I really liked someone and sacked them off for a cold I would be more pushing to meet them the second time.

I don’t think that he doesn’t necessarily like you - but he’s not as enthusiastic as he could be, if he’s like that now then it might be more stressful later on.

I would just move on and find someone who is a better fit for you

SeeminglyAbsurd · 07/01/2023 17:03

SoupDragon · 07/01/2023 16:13

His lack of response today is also telling….

as is your constant questioning. You are looking for excuses.

he literally said "I'm free now" and you brushed him off.

do both of you a favour and put an end to it.

^ this. You sound like you aren’t interested in him at all.

whataboutsecondbreakfast · 07/01/2023 17:04

I agree with everyone else - it sounds like you're the one that can't be arsed.

If you wanted to meet him, you should have arranged a time - instead, you waited for him to text you then got arsey because you decided he hadn't given you enough notice, even though you knew he was busy!

Bonkers.