To tell all of you pushy parents how much you're damaging your CHILDREN?!

[AbsolutelydisgustedGCSE]

Yes, they're children. They're 15 years old and they don't know what clothes they want to wear, never mind what they want to do with their lives.
When I did my GCSEs, in a very strict independent school, the pressure was so bad that 4 of my schoolmates had eating disorders, 3 were pregnant, at least 3 had drug addiction and 2 turned up to exams drunk.
This was only 20 years ago.
My child is doing GCSEs this year and I've told them to try their best but, under no circumstances, to feel pressured into anything!!

@Cuppasoupmonster

Average careers to me are perfectly respectable and valuable roles like nursing and policing. It’s hilarious the snobs on here are confusing them with NMW dead end jobs, and shows how little you actually understand careers these days.

Totally agree about nursing and policing… they are extremely valuable jobs. But you do realise these careers require qualifications and application and hard work, right?

Dont put words in my mouth. I didn’t say anything about these being dead end jobs.

But if you think kids can sail into jobs like nursing and policing without GCSEs and without a bit of work and application at school you are deluded.

And telling a child that they are average and that there is no point having aspirations will not help them achieve these careers.

Because doing it as a mature student is many times harder than doing it at 18. I did it - and it was harder than going at 18.

Because I don't want her to have to experience the grinding poverty I did.

Yes that’s what I’ve said to my DD too.

She’s saw the struggle I had to go through and I tell her that having a well paid job means a nice big home, holidays, a cleaner etc all things that she’d love now but I can’t afford and so I’ve said that getting a higher paid job will mean getting these things.

But ultimately if she wants to muck out stables as her career I’m going to have to just be supportive and let her do it.

@Cuppasoupmonster if she'd left school at 16 she wouldn't be a teacher. Not now at 23. She just wouldn't be.

So the options at 16 were stay in school or leave and get a min wage job.

She knows - now, she didn't at the time - that it would've restricted her options.

Ffs if anyone thinks average = minimum wage then it’s them that needs to go back to school 😆

Odd post, I mean everyone agrees with your general concept, that's nothing new but you haven't included much context. Also 'Independent' DOES mean private in UK, academies are not Independent they're just an extension of the state system.

Are you married to my husband?

When I look around at my fuckwit cousins with zero critical thinking facility, zero concept of graft or zero life experience, I’m pleased I got the pushy parents.

Perhaps you’d like to provide your evidence that addiction, teen pregnancy and eating disorders are caused by pushy parenting? Or is it just that you’ve decided that your parenting style is correct for all children and like to feel smug about how you’re getting it right and other parents aren’t?

I (and others) have explained that we don’t believe this to be the case.

I’m not talking about working at Goldman Sachs or being a heart surgeon. There are plenty of decent, interesting, valuable and well paid careers between this and minimum wage jobs. But they need hard works and decent GCSES. And relentlessly telling a child how average it is won’t inspire it to achieve that.

I know someone like you. Her child mentioned he feels too stressed when she mentioned gsce prep so she told him exactly that-not to worry and just do your best. He has no qualifications and no desire to do anything

who said anything about relentlessly telling them how average they are

Lots of revision of the practical biology syllabus.

hmm well the pushy parents i know are high fliers themselves and have high expectations of their DC. I don't know of any who ended up with kids who were drug addicts, pregnant or failures. In fact quite the opposite. All successful, did well in exams and uni and have good careers.

My mum used to shout and scream at me for not doing as well in an exam as my neighbours DD. That was the amount of 'pushy' parenting she provided. I was offered no practical guidance about next steps just shouted at. My DH however had two parents with aspirations for their DC, they were expected to work hard, it was in built that to succeed you work hard at school. They were provided with a loving nurturing home but with high expectations. Both excelled in their chosen careers .

So it really depends what OP means by 'pushy' parents.

@Cuppasoupmonster

Your central argument is that pushy parents all think their kids are “special” when in fact they should accept they are all very average.

You are probably right, statistically, most of these kids are not gifted. But you suggest that pushing “average” kids to achieve is either pointless or will damage them psychologically.

I am saying that sometimes even “average” kids need a bit of encouragement. Statistics bear this out. If only the gifted kids were going into quality jobs then you wouldn’t get any people advancing economically or socially at all in society. The fact kids do get jobs that are better than those of their parents bears this out.

But to do this kids need to have aspirations. They need to feel there is a reason to try and to improve. If it’s conveyed to them that goals and hard work won’t improve their chances why would they bother seeking these goals and applying themselves?

Why are you SHOUTING??

What does 'pushy' even mean in this context?

For many people it's a luxury to think you don't need to work hard or encourage your children to work hard at their education if you want them to be solvent and secure in the future, or to have options in terms of career. What does 'do your best' even mean? How do you know what someone's 'best' is if they don't push themselves?

Some 15 year olds do know what they want to do with their lives, and certainly know what clothes they want to wear. Helping them understand the steps that might be necessary to achieve what they want is good parenting. Vague 'do your best' is not.

I couldn’t agree more. I’m a tutor and work with children of all ages and it seems pushy parents just care about exam results. It makes my blood boil that they can’t see how much they are damaging their self esteem and quashing their confidence.

I just tell my children to do the best they can - life is about so much more than how well you may or may not do in education.

If your 15 year old doesn't know what clothes to wear, how do they know what doing their best even means?

You think that independent schools are the same as academies, which means you know very little about education and how it works, so why should anything else you have to say on the topic be valid?

My DD would not be where she is today without that push. She had a talent, and we saw that. And others in that field saw it. She became something and loved it once she realised it.

please jog on with your sweeping statements.

It really doesn't.

The science GCSE thread didn’t sound like a pushy parent to me- they were just asking the question about whether choosing to do double science at this stage could limit their daughters career options- nothing wrong with making sure your kids have all the information.

The twins thread- yeah that was crazy.

Fair enough. For extreme cases. But for the average teenager, most would rather be out with their friends. Of course, unless they are the rare golden children who are ambitious and can project into the future, some pushing to revise is needed. Yes, it is hard work. But hard work is what begets success. Success gives self esteem and a sense of achievement. It is called the Matthew effect. A good work ethic is worth instilling.

It is much easier for me to say 'do your best, whatever', than to help mark the questions they are practising. I am a parent , I know what ds is capable of and I know that he will achieve more if he focuses on getting his revision notes together rather than going out and being on his phone.

PS no need to slur to make a point. You are more effective if you don't.

There are shades of grey here aren’t there. It depends what ‘pushy’ means. But yes, parents who constantly compare their DC to others while making them effectively work a double shift with tutoring alongside extracurricular that they don’t even enjoy, deserve a special place in hell. YANBU.

I've seen kids who were never 'academic' but do really well once pushed to study.
I think you're doing a child a disservice if you're not pushing them to get good results.that doesn't mean everyone will get 9's but most can get very respectable grades.