To tell all of you pushy parents how much you're damaging your CHILDREN?!

[AbsolutelydisgustedGCSE]

Yes, they're children. They're 15 years old and they don't know what clothes they want to wear, never mind what they want to do with their lives.
When I did my GCSEs, in a very strict independent school, the pressure was so bad that 4 of my schoolmates had eating disorders, 3 were pregnant, at least 3 had drug addiction and 2 turned up to exams drunk.
This was only 20 years ago.
My child is doing GCSEs this year and I've told them to try their best but, under no circumstances, to feel pressured into anything!!

Do you know what, I wish with all my heart I’d had pressure put on me. Because I cruised through all my exams and did pretty ok when I could have achieved a lot more if I had only done the work.

Hard work never killed anyone. The harder you work, the luckier you get ironically.

I am fine for parents to tell their kids to not stress and do whatever for their GCSEs like choose their outfit instead. This will lower the grade boundaries for the subjects that my son is taking.

I am still going to remind my son he has got revision for his Mocks and he can only go out for a party after he has done his work. Controversial, I know. Bad parent, am I.

I don't know OP - you only have anecdotal evidence that parental pressure = ruining their children. I suspect from my own professional experience that the opposite is also true - not enough pressure = negative outcomes, wasted talents etc. I try for a middle ground myself.

I was offered £50 for every a I got at gcse. I pointed out I was doing it for me not for anyone else. Happily took the £500 though! I had to organise my own extra tuition as I was a proper latchkey kid and had no help from parents at all. And I still got there.

I personally think people don’t aspire enough for their children to do their best and excel. Ambition and focus have severed me very well. I’m an excellent self starter so used pressure and expectation to my advantage personally.

My son's go to academies, they are not independent schools. The problems you describe can often happen to children who are not pushed aswell so I don't understand your point.

I read the twin thread. The parent is NOT offering a cash incentive to the one who does best. The twins came up with it and the parent asked for MN’s collective wisdom to confirm it was a bad idea.

Look pushing children into anything beyond a limit is a bad idea. But creating a good work ethic is not and never has been a bad thing! Having high expectations and a reasonable work ethic isn’t a bad thing at all. I would also suggest that a LOT more was going in the home lives of the kids who got drunk/pregnant/had eating disorders than simply GCSE pressure…

@blueshoes hard work, to the degree of the posts op is talking about does kill people, the pressure results in burnout and burnout sometimes results in depression which then sometimes leads to suicidal thoughts, i can't believe you're that ignorant

op i can't believe what flack you're getting for this, also what is up with highschool teachers, my sister's in college taking her gcses and even though it's her first time taking them they've removed the pressure entirely, these kids are not machines they are children.

Yes the exams are important but not to the degree those posts are at, they are hurting their children also idc if the kids want to complete it's up to you as the parent to nip that in the bud entirely, though the op on the twins post likes the 'healthy competition' and thinks it's important despite the fact it will end up ruining her twins relationship eventually, god my heart breaks for them.

@AbsolutelydisgustedGCSE mumsnet is very competitive when it comes to gcse and anything less than an 8/9 for many isn't good enough
There dc also do 3 hrs of revision every day after school and 7 hrs of a weekend
You know great some kids want to but some don't
We had the do your best motto in our house and had no stressed kids or adults
Both just did average really 4/5's
One is now at uni after doing well in college , having a year working full time to save for uni
Other is again doing well at college and considering armed forces or similar
Every kid is different and not all are academic
But mumsnet does seem to be more the academic way
Friends kid did quite poorly at gscse but now completed an apprenticeship and doing very well
Multiple ways to go in life

All of you saying my 5 year old or 8 year ild etc know what clothes they want to weat
Are not getting the point as they won't be wearing the same thing in likely a year or two
And teenagers do change fashion style a bit whilst they work out what is them
One year its skinny jeans and vest tops say , next it baggy cargos etc thats what the op means
As in most if us haven't defined out style as such but yet expected to pick a career

My parents were NOT pushy at all.

My sibling and I both went to strict private schools.

My DB was a heroin addict for 16 years.

Having parents wanting the best for their child isn't shitty parenting. I wish my parents had been more engaged with my school work and career options. Like you said they don't know what clothes they want to wear and what do we do we encourage them to wear something sensible, That's what it's like with school we encourage them to work hard and consider what jobs they may like as adults we have hindsight and we should encourage them on the right path.

What's your AIBU??

My parents were extremely relaxed and the least pushy parents ever. I was extremely rebellious and sister was the opposite. You're not understanding the multiple and complex factors that affect teenagers.

How odd.

I went to a super competitive grammar and didn't feel the slightest inclination to take drugs, get pregnant or do anything equally daft. Neither did any of my cohort. We had one slightly strange boy who distributed homosexual literature to the third form, but this was the 80s and he left quietly. None of us had any issue choosing our clothes. (remembers leg warmers fondly 😊)

Of my year, 97% went on to university, one went to the RAM, one joined a family firm and one went to the US on a golf scholarship.

Perhaps the issue is something else !

Surely most of us just ask our children to do their best?

Clearly they wasted thier money as you dotnt sem to be able to understand the ops point or apply logic

The undeniable observiaton that too much parenal pressurecan lead ro problems is not the same as saying that drug prolems are only caused by parental pressure

It would appear that all theh so clever arses were having trouble sleeping last night

I dont see how anyone can say that @AbsolutelydisgustedGCSE doesn't have a point for some children of some parents. Seems p **retty obvious to me

Define pushy.

Does pushy mean making your children set aside time to do their homework or does it mean mandating three hours and evening?

Is making your child stick at a musical instrument which they have previously signed up to and now got bored with pushy?

Is it pushy to require them to do anything with their weekends other than sit on the Nintendo Switch?

Is it pushy to encourage them to try for nine GCSEs as opposed to seven?

One person’s pushy is another’s driven.

Clearly relentless helicopter parenting can be damaging if kids are struggling to keep up. But I have seen a lot of kids who underachieved because their parents were too scared to be pushy with them and who now wish they had been pushed harder and with more structure. It isn’t nearly as black and white as you make it sound.

Sorry but your example is unreasonable.

The pressure may have been hard for you.

But I went to a very rough school where several girls were pregnant by the time they were 14, drug taking was rife and two of my friends had bulimia.

And there were no pushy parents there...

The line between supportive and pushy is different in different families. Some teenagers need an absolute rocket under them to do any work, others can be left to their own devices. They get one shot at GCSEs for the most part, and I think it's negligent to just stand by and watch them fail to reach their potential by not setting expectations and keeping them on track to achieving their best.

At that age I was stressed but didn't let someone stick their dick in me without protection due to said stress/"rebellion". How stupid.

Same here. It was just teens being stupid teens.

Well that's a nice easy one - yes, you sound pretty unreasonable!

:/

I agree OP. I see it all of the time.

There is a happy medium as I have seen it both ways.

Pushy parents are often the most insecure and flawed people I meet (sport specifically). Generally it's hard to feel respect for them. They're NOT interested in child welfare or happiness but their own reflected glory. Pathetic really.