To tell all of you pushy parents how much you're damaging your CHILDREN?!

[AbsolutelydisgustedGCSE]

Yes, they're children. They're 15 years old and they don't know what clothes they want to wear, never mind what they want to do with their lives.
When I did my GCSEs, in a very strict independent school, the pressure was so bad that 4 of my schoolmates had eating disorders, 3 were pregnant, at least 3 had drug addiction and 2 turned up to exams drunk.
This was only 20 years ago.
My child is doing GCSEs this year and I've told them to try their best but, under no circumstances, to feel pressured into anything!!

On sayiing that I have seen plenty of kids ruin their release with parents when they go to uni and have their freedom. They also struggle to study. It can manifest in other ways.

I thought this thread was going to be about disinterested 8 year olds doing 25 hours of music practise a week instead of going to the park, not GCSE students being encouraged to pull their finger out a bit.

OP, if your DC doesn't feel like doing any work and doesn't do well, what will they do next? (Not sniping, actually interested in the Plan B.)

But again can we define a “pushy parent”?

We have all these people tipping up to say these people are insecure and cruel to their kids. What are we actually including in the definition of pushy?

Are we talking six hours of Suzuki violin a day from the age of three? Or are we talking get your finger out and revise for your exams or the device gets confiscated for a bit.

Theres a huge spectrum between 1 and 2.

You’ve worded it incredibly badly but I do think parents are insanely pushy now. I don’t see the point - you get a high stress career so you can put your kid through private school so then they get their own high stress career and the cycle continues. At what point in the chain does somebody get to just enjoy life?!

DD can do what she likes, I won’t be pushing her in any particular direction as long as she does something and isn’t dossing about.

@Thepeopleversuswork

I think the OP means forcing you DC to study subjects of your choosing. As pp said 3 hours a night and 7 at weekends not in exam season. Making study competitive to the point it damages them. Not talking about healthy encouragement of a lazy teen.

For me there are a lot of mums on here who seem unable to accept their lovely child is perfectly average. ‘They’re so bright but it just doesn’t show in their school work’ ‘Their low grades is because the school isn’t supporting them properly’ ‘They’d do so much better if they just studied more than the hour a day they currently do’ etc.

No, your child is just average, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

There’s a thread going at the moment about a mum wondering how she can get her kid to 11+ standard even though the kid simply isn’t working at this level at primary. Talk of tuition etc. Madness.

Then it’s ‘why do so many children have anxiety’ well really 🙄

My kids are downstairs dressed so I’m happy to know I’m not a pushy parent. 🤣🤣

OP - context is your friend here.

Damn right I pushed my kids to apply themselves. Make an effort. Study. Revise. Put the effort in.

YANBU
Pushy parents are actually usually just living their own dreams through their child which is so unfair.

All of the people I know who had pushy parents have ended up the complete opposite.

Even universities have to have window restrictions in place so no one can jump out of them.
They say it’s to prevent accidental falls out of the window but it’s actually to reduce the number of suicides.

I hate pushy parents.

However, my DD is in year 10 and I’m struggling with the balance of being supportive and encouraging vs too pushy.

It doesn’t help that she’s so laid back and “doesn’t mind” what options she takes, college she wants to go etc. She’s happy to go with the flow but I don’t want her to then regret it when she gets older.

I think the school system itself puts much more pressure on children than most parents.

@Cuppasoupmonster

No, your child is just average, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

There's a lot of truth in this... a lot of parents do become a bit delusional about their kids and assume that their kid is special.

But to be honest I'd rather tell my kid they had the potential to achieve highly and push them to achieve at the upper limits of their capability than tell them they were "average". If you tell a child they are average you are setting limits on their ambition from the get-go.

I'd rather push them (within reasonable limits" and have them fail to reach a high bar than not push them at all and have them fail even to try because they've had it drummed into them that they are too "average" to try.

Simply put.
If YOU can't tell the difference....

Most of the pressure my kids felt came from school and teachers reinforcing the message that if they didn't do well in their exams they'd end up in a min wage job - and those threats started at primary school when I had to go in and tell the teacher to back off on SATS pressure, as my kids were finding the daily threats on performance improvement or breaktime detention was having a negative impact on them.

Even without the pressure do those things still occur ?

What do you mean ‘too average to try’? Try to do what? Why would you want your child to aim for a career that’s always going to be a bit difficult and stressful for them because it’s slightly out of their capabilities? This is what I mean.

Well Said

also consider the consequences of not ‘pushing’ your children enough to think about careers and do well in school. I had parents who really couldn’t have cared less (well educated and good careers, so not like they didn’t know!) and they offered no encouragement or advice and as such, although i came away with good grades, i’m nearing 30 with no real career or sense of what to do with my life.

It’s important to set your children up for the best life and imo, that includes realistic conversations about expectations, grades and careers.

They don’t have to know exactly what they want to do, but try to explore their interests/strong points now so they aren’t left after GCSE’s thinking ‘now what?’

i think you can pick holes in either situation to be honest but that’s just my experience.

Spectacularly missing the point.

It was the twins’ idea. The parents were worried about it.

Also, this thread is so weird. The thought processes are a bit disjointed. 😬

To what end?

How am I @Violashift

I have three kids.

I was beyond poor post splitting from their dad. Living in an area of extreme deprivation. Working dead end min wage jobs and reliant on benefits.

Their route out - and mine - was education to give them options and choices.

So damn right when they were wanting to scunge the country age 17 they were told no. They were told to revise. Work hard at school and make better lives for themselves.

And I will not apologise for that, or feel guilty.

They were all told not to get pregnant young like I did. The boys were told keep it zipped or keep it covered. My dd was on the pill early due to period issues but she was similarly warned and told to double up in case of STDs.

The best route for people out of poverty is education. And teens need a push at times to achieve that.

@Cuppasoupmonster to have options and choices I didn't have.

See my previous post.

And not supporting and encouraging children can result in leaving school without basic GCSEs, neither situations are what I'm aiming for. My goal as a parent is to ensure my kids leave with GCSEs in English, maths and science, I'm not saying they have to be 9s but acceptable passes. Surely every child and parent should be shooting for that as a minimum.

Another daily Mail set up.....