To be jealous of my friend’s social housing house?

[Crankitcrew]

I have a house with a mortgage. I can barely afford to pay for repairs to the house. It’s falling apart.
My friend has recently moved into social housing and has a much more spacious house than mine, but the biggest reason I’m jealous is if anything goes wrong with the house it’s fixed by the housing association within days. No cost. She only pays a small contribution towards her rent. The rest is paid. She doesn’t work and claims PIP because she has PTSD and depression.

She and her partner are talking about getting some decking done in the garden and paying £600 for it. There’s no way on earth we could afford that, we can’t even afford to have the re plastering done that is falling off, not to mention the damp problem.

People say to me “well, at least you own your home” and “you can leave it to your children” but what if we never pay the mortgage off? What if we end up needing care and the money from the house goes to pay that instead? Which is what happened to my grandparents.

I saw getting on the property ladder a right of passage or something, but I now realise it’s not all it’s made out to be.

@shsiwb well yes when no bugger wants to contribute to their social care costs and sponge off the state instead. House worth £750k - pay your own care home fees ? No way, got to leave it to the kiddies...

This is so true in many many ways. People who are disabled being financially and emotionally dependent on their partners or husbands, when claiming pip esa.

Sorry this was funny 🤣

We, pensioner couple, live in a standard 3 bedroomed semi. Third bedroom is a tiny boxroom. Its not in bad nick, we upgraded doors, some windows, new boiler etc in the last few years. The roof is ok, and the outside was painted quite recently, so our savings are rapidly diminishing. We have no space for a downstairs loo, and will probably need level access in the near future.

We would like to move near one of our children, but properties are more expensive there. Even if we sold our existing home, we can’t afford to take on a mortgage as we are on a fairly low income. We’d like a small bungalow or ground floor flat in a retirement complex. If we were already tenants, it would be a straightforward move, but as homeowners, it will be very difficult to get a tenancy. Our current home could fall into disrepair because we are not able, and won’t have the means, to maintain it. We are in fuel poverty, our fuel costs are higher than they would be in a smaller property. One or both of us may bed block because our home (stairs) is no longer suitable. If we could rent appropriate housing for our last years we’d be financially self sufficient, and would manage independently for longer, rather than struggle on where we are, and then ultimately go into a care home.

I think this thread shows lots of people have hard situations in all kinds of housing. As always, it’s never as clear-cut as one situation is best for all, but there is plenty of nuance and individuals find what might have worked well for them at certain points of life, isn’t always best for them, but they might not have much flexibility to move.

To those who have difficulties in privately-owned homes, I’d just mention that the security of those homes, along with the security in social housing, is something those in private rented most long for. People forget that with all the costs of home ownership, at least you can plan to be there in 3/5/10 years if that’s what you want. Those who live in properties they own, also have the most choices. They have an asset whichbiver time will increase in value and it is something which can be sold and moving elsewhere is possible….even if many don’t want to do it.

Most people in social housing would acknowledge their security of tenure as being a big upside, but there are all kinds of Daily Mail type myths out there about paying a pittance of rent. There is a small window when people have small children, when low paid workers can get much if their rent paid. Most other workers are paying substantial if not market rate rents. And to anyone envying those on benefits, remember it’s only going to get meaner and most people struggle and crucially have a lack of choice.

When people look at those on benefits and think they are living the life of Riley and envy them, I’d say it’s time for a big look at yourself. You might not be problem free. No-one is and all situations have some downsides and pressures….but it’s about getting a sense of perspective on those. That’s where people trip up and allow comparison to become the thief of joy and convinced others always have it better than themselves and become bitter.

People with property almost always have choices. They often discount lots of the choices and forget they are being quite picky, but actually property ownership gives you choices (including about the type of care home you might go to if you need one) which is simply not available for those who aren’t owners and asset rich.

As I said upthread, she's probably not allowed to fix her kitchen units. If she does the council will charge her to re-do the work when they finally get around to it. It's not lazy, it's in her tenancy agreement. But judge away.

We own too and can only dream of having repairs done for free but …. My council housed friends could only ever dream of moving abroad with the profit made by selling up. They are stuck here. Trapped by the benefits system. Count your blessings.

Wow! You’re jealous of someone suffering from mental illnesses! Bloody hell! Catch yourself on!

If you read the thread you would know OP also has a mental illness.

However, OP should have left the illness mention out since comments about disability have derailed the entire thread.

It should have been a logical discussion about the pros and cons of social housing vs mortgages. Instead it's overly emotional responses.

Maybe think that repairs on a house are nothing in comparison to health issues such as depression and ptsd??? Maybe give your head a wobble and have some compassion!

"A happy life

Is where you are grateful for everything that you have"

Just ask Harry.

I’m sure her life is shit in other ways OP.

@PrincessOfWaiIs that's it. I'm not allowed to get my window fixed by anyone except the council. I can't get another oven put in, it's part of my tenancy, I'm not allowed. It's also chained to the wall so I can't move it!

Have you ever thought she wishes she didn't have depression and PTSD,could work and could get a mortgage?

Count your blessings.

OP also has depression. Read before commenting.

I get the jealousy. Couple of friends have double my household income and have lovely detached 4 bed social housing they they got when kids were small. I admire they worked their way up in work but I'm also envious they have such lovely big homes that I could never afford.

It’s still a totally relevant comment, OP has depression but not bad enough to need to give up work, she’s free to work and earn money. Friend cannot work and get a mortgage due to her severe mental health conditions, if she could lessen her mental health issues to be able to go out and work and buy her own house, she may well wish for that.

It’s weird the whole thing with peoples egos and SH
I lived in a shitty damp flat with my kids and a friend would always rub it in that she was SO glad she had her own home and garden etc. After a few years I was offered a beautiful little house by the sea- I was so, so lucky. Previous to the flat I was homeless with 2 kids so it took a long time to get there
My friend became super jealous- once I’d moved in I had a new kitchen fitted and se kept making digs about not being able to afford it despite doing things the ‘right’ way. We didn’t stay friends.

You aren't wrong op.

I grew up in a brilliant council house, really spacious and big garden. Then thatcher changed the rules and people bought those types of homes. So now we either get a mortgage for a tiny box or rent privately with no security. Its awful.

And the only was to get a decent council property now is to have a hard life with problems like your friend. In my youth there's was no problem getting social housing, now its rare and you need to rack up points to get one.

Its crap. And its not being unrealistic or benefit bashing. Its being honest about the state of housing in the UK.

It's 'rite of passage' not 'right', by the way. From someone who lives in social housing.

Well I didn't wait 2 years for my fence to be fixed - it blew down and I reported it, they ummed and ahhed over if it were my responsibility or theirs, so after a year I got it sorted myself because I was sick of it and the neighbourhood just wandering in and out of my garden.
A year on from that they finally came to sort it out - and I got a bollocking for fixing it myself (same fence, put back up, nothing different) and they threatened to rip it all down, put a new one up and charge me for the trouble. The only reason they didn't is that I could prove it was the original fencing - though they griped about the material used to fix it - it wasn't their 'standard' and apparently the original fencing was 'damaged' by the repairs (it's actually stronger and more solid than before!), so they now refuse to have anything to do with the fence at all.
That's why people don't do these types of repairs, nothing to do with laziness most of the time, once you've reported it you have to wait for them to fix it or risk what almost happened to me. If it's something I can fix myself now, I just keep my gob shut and do it.

But I see the stereotypes are alive and well from people who clearly don't really have a clue about social housing and what happens, except what they see on channel 5.

And I don't have to imagine working with depression, because I've done it most of my life, I'm lucky enough not to have PTSD. I pay everything myself, out of my earned wages, I private rented for years, moving every few years because LL's wanted more rent or to sell. The most important thing to me about this place is security, and that it's a non profit that owns it.

I worked in social care for a long time, for minimum wage and even before that was introduced, and I private rented and got some housing benefit - that went to a private LL, at least now my rent isn't being squirreled away by an LL, it's used to run the social housing organisation and they reinvest (well they're supposed to!) In their housing stock.

And I pay about £50 a month less than the market rate - and got an empty shell rather than carpets, white goods etc that you get in private rent. I'm also allowed pets.

This wasn't a choice though, well I suppose it was between this place and a cardboard box under a bridge 🤷🏼‍♀️ because of the situation at the time.

I accept all that as a social housing tenant, and if you make the choice to be a homeowner, then you accept the downsides as well as the up. I never had the choice to be a homeowner.

So much bitterness towards people having secure homes when their situation means they can't own a home. Sad really that people are envious of those who have less, because they perceive that they're getting something that person isn't.

Excellent point. I find it so depressing. I’m in an awful flat with my kids and I feel so guilty and drained by the issues living here. It’s in my mind constantly. All I want is a nice home with more than one bedroom in a safe area and no mould :’( and it saddens me that so many are suffering like us. From mortgage owners who are struggling to other social housing - we are struggling together b

YANBU. I had a mortgage and it is not the be all and end all. Long story but I was repossessed. I have a council house now and I count myself very lucky.

I bet half the mmsnetters on here would be moaning about the crappy neighbours you would have on social housing estates. Quelled horreurs!