To be jealous of my friend’s social housing house?

[Crankitcrew]

I have a house with a mortgage. I can barely afford to pay for repairs to the house. It’s falling apart.
My friend has recently moved into social housing and has a much more spacious house than mine, but the biggest reason I’m jealous is if anything goes wrong with the house it’s fixed by the housing association within days. No cost. She only pays a small contribution towards her rent. The rest is paid. She doesn’t work and claims PIP because she has PTSD and depression.

She and her partner are talking about getting some decking done in the garden and paying £600 for it. There’s no way on earth we could afford that, we can’t even afford to have the re plastering done that is falling off, not to mention the damp problem.

People say to me “well, at least you own your home” and “you can leave it to your children” but what if we never pay the mortgage off? What if we end up needing care and the money from the house goes to pay that instead? Which is what happened to my grandparents.

I saw getting on the property ladder a right of passage or something, but I now realise it’s not all it’s made out to be.

Yeah, what I meant was the day I give up trying to financially pave my own way.... I don't know much about PIP apart from it is hard to get and can be a humiliating experience for some (which is not acceptable). I'm not interested in going through that. But thanks for calling me ignorant!

If they are only contributing towards the rent and not paying in full they are obviously unable to work or very part time, her partner is also disabled I'm guessing? Do you really want their lives?

If you own a house one day it's yours, in retirement I don't have to worry about paying rent

The replies on here are fair enough. Maybe I’m a bad friend after-all. But I also have to say that I’ve struggled with my mental health for many years and I’m still struggling with it now. I would never qualify for PIP as I don’t think I’m considered bad enough to meet the requirements.
Of course I feel awful for her in terms of the PTSD, but I’m more frustrated at the system itself and actually in myself, as I shouldn’t have bought the house, we didn’t take into account interest rates skyrocketing as they have done…and I didn’t think ahead in terms of owning a property and what that would entail.
To me, I thought it was the thing you did and was almost a rite of passage…as I said in my OP.

No, her partner works full time as far as I know.

Imagine have PTSD and depression but still having to go to work and pay for things….

Why on earth would anyone wait two years for the council to fix their kitchen cupboard. Attitudes like that just come across as lazy. Yes, people are entitled to benefits, but it is a lifestyle for some. No need to aim higher because the money is there anyway, and you have your diagnoses to justify not having to work and a weapon to use against anyone who questions you.

Single parent home owner here. My mortgage is crippling, especially with interest rates as they are. So I’m also v jealous of those who seem to get most of their rent paid.

Ive got a council property and in my circumstances as a low income single parent I'm so grateful that I don't have repair costs to consider. Decorating and the basics are difficult enough to cover. I know that for my personal circumstances I have struck lucky for housing. It would have been lovely to have been able to buy and one day have an asset but my life path hasnt allowed that.

It’s the terrible and unfair state of the housing market and housing provision in the UK op, people really struggle and it brings out a lot of negative feelings.

But it’s not your friend’s fault.

OP whilst I feel for you, and I give thanks everyday that I got a SH place after 7 years wait, it does have its downsides:

• heating is a nightmare because they are often badly constructed and insulated. Mould is a constant problem.
• if something goes wrong, it doesn’t take days but months. I’ve been on the phone crying to my SH because of repairs they’ve promised and not delivered on.
• you can’t change much to your taste. The PP probably isn’t allowed to fix her kitchen cupboards.
• the rent is definitely lower than market rate but you still have to pay it! I pay mine in full, no benefits, so it’s not connected to that and definitely not like getting a free place.
• I will never own my place and that worries me because I will have nothing to pass onto DS.

I am a lot worse off than my friends financially but I thank my lucky stars that a single mum like myself has a chance to have some stability in life.
So, next time you resent your friend, think of those of us to whom SH is a lifesaver.

Sell your house and rent, then your landlord can fix everything for you 🙄

Only in theory. If you read my recent post on the benefits thread, you'll see I was explicitly denied PIP because I work full time.

That's with bipolar, medication, seeing a psychiatrist at a CMHT regularly, weekly therapy and medical driving licence.

I think your feelings are valid, though there is nothing wrong with your friend being appropriately housed. I am envious seeing as I’ve lived in a one bed mouldy council flat with my kids/partner in an awful area for almost a decade with very little prospects for leaving which is incredibly depressing. But it speaks to wider issues in the country that social housing in general is in a terrible state, and then there are people who work really hard and still can’t get ahead.

When I was a student nurse I live in a brand new Social housing house, the toilets were put in the wrong way resulting blockages in the street every week. The kitchen shelves fall down, the boiler stopped working, the Exterior lights never worked. Lust was endless. I was paying full rent on a student loan.

Could you sell the house and move into a private rental?

PTSD and Depression are crippling, think yourself lucky, life is not always what you think it is.

My late PIL lived in HA housing and were obliged to move into a one bed flat when DH got his own place. It's not all roses.

My friend gran and her sister both ended up in the same care home one paid nothing as she'd lived in social care the other had to sell her home to pay for the care.
Sister 2 had travelled extended and moved siater 1 stayed same area all her life.
Which one had more choices and control over her life?

I’m surprised some people think if you’re on pip then THEY MUST be actually sick. Of course most are, but I know two people who have nothing wrong with them but both get pip, due to great manipulation skills and knowing how to navigate the pip system. Not every single person on pip is truly ill, however it’s obviously a very tiny minority. They brought their 3 bed council house for pennies as they got such a huge discount and then built a huge extension on it, the house is massive. They are still on pip, still don’t work and now own a house too. I’m not jealous in anyway as one day in the far future it will benefit me too.

You say that like that’s a bad thing?

We live in social housing and unless your friend is very lucky nothing is fixed within days. Months perhaps if your lucky.
Also we've had to redo the plastering and replace floorboards and remove mould because that is our responsibility so it's not that brilliant.
Also decking in the garden.... be surprised if they get permission for that.

There’s never a free lunch in this world OP, & you’ll never have it all. I consider myself to be very fortunate to have done all 4, that’s private rental, council new build, HA, & mortgage. If I remember correctly there was a few people that had sold their homes to move into HA, they weren’t needy people either. Although this wasn’t allowed with council homes years ago.

@Rosebel when I lived in HA they were more than happy for you to do whatever you wanted. They barely did many repairs as they knew that if they left it long enough people would do their own. I’m talking new kitchens & bathroom here, not just the simple jobs. It was a win win situation for them.

@Ilovemycatalot sell said house and move somewhere cheaper ?
Get a better job ? sarcasam
What is it with the mean spirited benefits bashing posts today ? Daily Mail site down ?

What’s the point of being jealous? Really?

Very few social housing tenants have that idyll - space, secure tenancy, responsive council who fix things quickly. Those days are long gone for the majority of people in social housing.

A much more common experience would be living in flats that are cramped, need updating and have chronic issues that aren’t addressed - unsafe cladding, damp, old draughty windows - and unresponsive, overstretched council maintenance departments. And then having to be rehoused somewhere smaller, at the mercy of the council, if you have multiple bedrooms once your kids are grown - so no real security or agency long term.

So, yeah, your friend is lucky. Sounds like for now she has a good set up.
But long term she is at the mercy of the local authority, and if the last 20 years are anything to go by, her future may not be any rosier than yours, and you may be in a much more fortunate position.

Also, that old adage ‘comparison is the thief of joy’ goes a long way. Jealousy if your friend won’t improve your life. Sorry to say!

Your post is FULL of total ignorance! And extremely goady.

Firstly, once in social housing it is VERY hard to move from that property to another. You have to either apply and be considered the top priority normally out of hundreds or even thousands of applicants, or you have to exchange which is not easy.

Secondly, you are far more likely to have neighbours from hell!! I speak from experience I lived in social housing for a while and in my road the police were frequent visitors, we had two feuding families and several fights in the street! Children still out playing, screaming, shouting and swearing at 11pm in the summer and no will confront the families for fear of reprisals.

Thirdly, the idea that you have no responsibility for the property and everything is repaired within days shows complete ignorance. Most tenants wait months or years for repairs to be done. I waited 4 years for a broken window to be replaced before repairing it myself.

Fourthly the stigma surrounding living in ‘social housing’ and the assumption that all tenants are lazy, coasting through life on a free ride sponging off the government is still alive and kicking as shown by your goady post.

And finally although the property will be cheaper than the equivalent private rental, it will not be free. Not all tenants live on benefits. And, ultimately, after years of renting you own nothing. At least when you own a property you pay off that property until it is eventually yours to do as you wish with eg move.

You resent your friend having what you perceive to be an easier life than you. You resent her enough to post on a public social media site. You’re not friends.