To be jealous of my friend’s social housing house?

[Crankitcrew]

I have a house with a mortgage. I can barely afford to pay for repairs to the house. It’s falling apart.
My friend has recently moved into social housing and has a much more spacious house than mine, but the biggest reason I’m jealous is if anything goes wrong with the house it’s fixed by the housing association within days. No cost. She only pays a small contribution towards her rent. The rest is paid. She doesn’t work and claims PIP because she has PTSD and depression.

She and her partner are talking about getting some decking done in the garden and paying £600 for it. There’s no way on earth we could afford that, we can’t even afford to have the re plastering done that is falling off, not to mention the damp problem.

People say to me “well, at least you own your home” and “you can leave it to your children” but what if we never pay the mortgage off? What if we end up needing care and the money from the house goes to pay that instead? Which is what happened to my grandparents.

I saw getting on the property ladder a right of passage or something, but I now realise it’s not all it’s made out to be.

Owning a property for many of us is a massive expensive nuisance that prevents us spending money on having a decent quality of life.
A secure SH tenancy on a nice property is winning the housing lottery. So I understand why you think your friend is better off in the housing arena than you, I agree, she is!
However, that's life isn't it? None of us have it all. I can't imagine how awful PTSD must be.

Do you assume those with physical illnesses are faking it? Of course she might be, but it's not for anyone else to judge. Despite what the daily mail writes its exceptionally hard to get signed off work through MH, if someone is faking it then they're in the minority.

The real issue is that the housing market is spiralling out of control. Private rentals have become ridiculously expensive, house prices have risen to the point the property ladder is out of reach for many. Rather than complain about people who get social housing (of which is not all honey and gravy) perhaps the focus should be on how do we make it better for everyone.

My mum is in social housing and she hasn't had any heating all winter. It's not all it's cracked upto be...

I agree with all this, unless you are in the 1% club, good social housing is winning life's lottery.

At what point did you think bragging about your circumstances would be acceptable in response to how OP is feeling? I too have a HA new build but I would never EVER brag about it! Besides I’d much rather have an older social housing property. They were built better and were bigger!

I know it's not a big deal either for everyone but there are definitely long term benefits to owning a property, albeit of course to afford it in the short term is hard for many. My aunt lives in social housing, she's paid around £100k over the market value of the house in the time she's been there, even if you factor in the measly repairs it doesn't come close to that; plus she won't be able to of course sell and effectively get money back from it.

I know people say well you only sell it to pay for your care, but it affords you the choice of where you go. Council funded care here is grim plus you can be sent anywhere, world's apart and someone that can afford it be it through selling a house is much better off in terms of quality of life at that stage. Buying a house is an investment you get a return on one day, renting be it social housing or private doesn't have that advantage (and lots of other disadvantages).

I wouldn’t want to be in social housing, it’s such a lottery. My brother lives in a housing association house. It took 4 years for them to replace the rickety kitchen and it was only due to his sons disability did they finally get the bathroom sorted out. He’s still had to pay for other things like the garden and general decorating.

Also some people might have a lovely huge house in a fantastic area now but that won’t always be the case. My friends mum (who’s been in social housing all her adult life) has just been told she needs to move because she’s in a 4 bed family home and as she’s a single woman with no dependants any more (all her kids are adult and moved out) there’s no need for her to have 4 bedrooms and they need it for people with more pressing needs. She’s been offered a much smaller property in a different area. The same thing happened to my mum. She’s now in a two bed not so great area whereas once she was in a 5 bed (she has 8 kids) in a better area.

I think it's fantastic that they're being made to move! Why should they get to keep 4 & 5 bed homes when they're on their own and those homes could make such a massive difference to the lives of families cooped up in tiny hostels. It's about time they did this.

I completely agree. They should be made to move. It’s ridiculous that people are hanging onto big houses when they have no need for them. The excuse that they’re “family homes where their kids grew up so they don’t want to let them go” doesn’t wash. My friends mum is 57, my mum is early 60s. Potentially they could be hoarding those houses for another 20 or 30 years while other people (often in desperate situations) are made to live in tiny houses and cramped situations.

It’s not like the help for them has suddenly stopped, they’re still getting supported. Just in smaller accommodation and quite rightly.

But you'll get every penny you spend on your home back one day with very possibly a load extra, depending on the market. Those of us in social housing could be here 30 years, paying the same as a mortgage (or thereabouts) then walk away with nothing.

Well yes but if you were in your own home you could choose whether to downsize or not, if you did then you could choose where you wanted to live rather than be at the mercy of the HA who could only have houses the other end of the county away from all support networks. I'm not saying it should be the same necessarily, but it's a downside of social housing not many consider.

For anyone on a tight budget with limited DIY skills and in need of “tiles”, I can recommend you look on Amazon (or similar). You can buy rolls of waterproof stick-on wallpaper which do exactly what you need them to do… if not quite to the beauty of the Trevi fountain.

I get it - that's nothing against those who are on social housing but I'm in private rented accommodation paying more than I'd pay for a mortgage for a mouldy, tiny flat that's now overcrowded and the landlord won't fix the windows because its too expensive while watching others who don't work (and have admitted to not wanting to work) have as many children as they like in their lovely big homes with gardens that they pay a fraction of what we pay.

I don't blame those people but at the same time I have multiple mental health issues, am not entitled to any benefits, still drag myself to work after having spent the morning having severe panic attacks and feeling suicidal where customers are vile to me and I have to accept that I will never have another child because we don't have the space. I am jealous of the two people I know in social housing who don't want to work. I probably shouldn't be but I am. (I do know many others in social housing who do work/have legitimate reasons they can't work and I do know that those housing associations are also rubbish and don't fix problems at all either, this really isn't a comment towards anyone other than the 2 people I personally know who are taking advantage).

Would it be "fantastic" if they were made to move away from the are and it meant they had to give up their job (commute too long/no public transport etc)? Being made to move out is one thing, being forced to give up a job because of it is another.

*area

I get how you're probably feeling however as a private renter I have little sympathy. I'm currently saving a deposit to buy as despite earning enough for a good mortgage, my money gets sucked up by paying rent. Also I was under the impression that it's good practice to keep saving once you buy so you have amounts of emergency funds spare as well as the fact that generally mortgages cost less than private rents (unless you bought more expensive than you should have for your earnings 🤷🏻‍♀️).

I was in your situation for years, until mine got even shitter and I then qualified for social housing and got it, I didn't before that because I was already considered adequately housed in a privately rented shithole that I paid a fortune for, from my wages.
And I sympathise with the panic attacks and awful customers too, knowing you have to go and knowing what you're going to face for 8 hours a day and you're going to spend another night probably in tears because of it all. I get it because I've been there.
I also knew people that privately rented at the same time I did and didn't want to work either, and made no secret of that, even telling me how I should pack in work and get everything paid for and how to do it, so yes they do exist, but it's not everyone in social housing - they were in private rents. And they got housing benefit to pay the rent, just like HA tenants on a low income do.

Just because someone is in social housing they're not automatically on benefits - I'm not now, I was on tx credits as a single parent at one point, but haven't had hb since maternity leave some 20 years ago. And many people in private rent get hb towards their rent as many in social housing do not.
I'm HA now and there's no way I'd go back to the insecure and at times, exploitative private renting unless I absolutely had to, I'm happy to downsize to something smaller but the only smaller properties are miles away, all the ha properties here are 3 bed, in every village, with the exception of a few in two local towns that are prime location and sought after anyway, I'd happily go if it were an option.

We need more affordable and regulated housing so that people like you aren't in this situation, and the situation doesn't have to get desperate like mine did before you get access to secure housing. Look at how the council won't help people until they're forcibly evicted by bailiffs - that puts everyone in a shitty position and makes life harder for everyone, maybe if private rent were better regulated or there were more social housing available, there wouldn't be this divide.

I'm sorry you're facing this, I know from experience how much it affects you and hope something changes for the better for you soon 💐

@NightTerrors

I am in social housing. I can’t just not work, I have my rent to pay and kids to feed etc. I also couldn’t keep having lots of kids. I couldn’t afford them. I am not on benefits. It’s a bit small minded to think that council house = benefits. I wouldn’t even have a clue how to claim a benefit.

I used to private rent and I am financially better off now in my council house due to the rent being affordable but I sure do still need to work as does my husband.

Or unless you get caught in a cost of living crisis with everyone else and the prices of things sky rocket while wages don’t. Such a stupid reply.

You're not her friend though are you? You make it sound like she's lucky to be living in social housing, unable to work due to ptsd and depression.

I'm pretty sure she'd swap having crippling mental health issues for your mortgage.

I should also have mentioned that my parents are in a 4 bed semi HA house. They would love to downsize to accommodate the house for younger families but since they are still paying the same rent as when they moved in 20 years ago, they simply can't afford to apply for a smaller house as it would mean their rent doubling. It's not fair on families who need the house and it's not fair for my parents who would really like to downsize in their older years.

She’s not bragging, she’s pointing out that good social housing is a real game changer.

No I did say it was purely the two people who I know are taking advantage of the system - and they really are, they would be in a lot of trouble if found out but I wouldn't do that to them/their children regardless of any jealousy I may have. As I said I also know people who live in social housing who work and some who aren't on any benefits, I don't think everyone in social housing has it easy or is taking advantage but I do know for a fact that two people I know personally are doing that and I do have a lot of resentment towards those two people.

@Ohgoodyanotherone Is it fantastic that there are families with 5 kids stuck in BEDSITS in homeless hostels because they've had to escape DV and there's no houses available because the boomers in the area are sat in 3/4/5/6 bed houses on their own, just because it was the home they raised their kids in and "Why should we move"
This isn't an exaggeration either. In every town/city there are many, many families squeezed into tiny rooms for often multiple years at a time, desperately waiting for anything that comes along. It's vile