Think am …but just need to admit it and vent .
background -
pre dc dh and I grew much of our own veg . Both into fitness, organic food ,wellbeing. Both veggie. Both cooked good food equally well . Important to us .
later-
I was a sathm on a limited income for 5 years .
During this time , out if necessity , I learnt how to cook good , cheap, nutritious food. it was our way of life .
for example. If just had carrots in and a potatoe I would make carrot and coriander soup.
Later.
I went back to work part time , dh full time.
It was fair that I cooked , meal planned . I cooked 7 days a week from scratch as it was agreed that this was the cheapest way to get a good variety of food . About x1 a week I would use something like quorn sausages , in a stew or with mash , and veg. Or quorn mince , pieces
20 oddyears on post dc i e now / couple years ago started feeling utterly fed up of cooking every day. Bored. ( know some of my friends felt the same.)
lacked motivation . Told dh ,but we both agreed that this was best way. Got more cookery books , kept trying . Typical meals would be a healthy salad, beans / pulses / rice ( luke a burrito bowl) or sandwiches Homemade soup for lunch and something like a spag bol. , a curry, chilli etc for main meal. Lasagna .. amongst Thai etc .
Dc left home , we both work part time now . i do most of housework . Meal plan. All of cooking. I organise all our social life for eg cook , invite people round, get the wine , when dc home I do same . Dh does the admin as I am appalling at it
.
Given I've cooked for most days for 30 plus years ,i explained to dh that I've just simply got bored of it and have started to hate it. Feel like have hot a brick wall-cannot afford to eat out much at all / takeways.. we have a limited income as we work pt and do not claim any benefits. Our choice.
I asked if he would cook sometimes.. all good . i noticed that he cooked but did easy fast meals like a hot sandwich for the main meal , whereas for years we both agreed on a highly nutritious way of cooking. dh is into fitness still in his 60 s and eats very well eg for b fast he makes self a shake and a bowl of blueberries , milled seeds, mixed nuts. To show the picture .
Then .. I had to go away for a long work day . 6 hour round trip, separate / in addition from the actual work . Was very tired when I got back , which influenced my reaction ( over reaction) !
We also had guests in the house , and the norm would be that we cook them a decent meal.
When I got back , dh had cooked / bought convenience food … now please note that I appreciate that this is no big deal to many people , but given our way of doing things I felt that the one ,or one of the very rare days he cooks, given that I had been out of the house for about 12 hours and we had guests , that it would have been nice to return to a nice home cooked hot meal( one that he has had cooked for home day in day out for 30
plus years , despite my waning wish to do so ) .
I tried to hide that feeling and he said whats the matter .. I said nothing , but he pushed it , so i said , well I just wanted a decent meal to come home to one the one day I dont cook.. he said that rhe meal was perfectly adequate .
What is the fuss about . I get it , I do , but was utterly fed up and wanted a nurturing meal .
I dont know what happened but I suddenly thought sod this , if adequate is good enough , why do I bother. I tried to explain, why I wanted the care that I put into meals. I was making a fuss. So , a wave of I just cant be bothered then / adequate is ok then hit me .
I said that was going to do that then . Ie adequate myself /i cant be bothered. I am aware that this sounds controlling, but I just wanted someone else to cook a meal like I have for them for so many years .. and I admit not just do a short cut .its about thought and effort .
now . A month down rhe line ….i have continued to take the easy food route . Pasta pesto and veg. Sausage and mash . No chopping all sorts for things like a dhall with rice with bombay potatoes and chilli and ginger veg. Just easy adequate food.. .so easy .
But dh says that I have been punishing him .. by withdrawing and cooking this way because it stemmed from that night. Its more expensive , less healthy. That ive taken “ my bat home” .
I admit it was a relief but also admit it was born out of a feeling of “up yours “ 😂..because he just would not listen to why I wnatwd a nice meal like I make for others..
it is a bit vengefull( and not nice)
shall i swallow my pride , as well as he food😂, and cook as I used to ? ( but ask him to cook proper meal s a couple of days a week - as I said he did used to do that - but acknowledge that he will most slide into easy , whilst holding the expectation that I will cook well/ effort full meals?
We have been married for many years , it is , I suppose domestic fatigue( anyone else had this ) and a new way of life where he is now part time / around a lot ... And the perils of the menopause ! ( i hope you can tell that I recognise that this is domestic trivia , and that I am laughing at myself and recognising that I am being a grumpy tired post meno state.!