to ask why it's seen as rude, unreasonable or seen as taboo to point out certain things

[pillow56]

Example I have seen many threads on mn saying how expensive it is to have kids and how people can't afford them/more kids which is fair enough.

Yet when people both in real life and on mn say that struggling parents who had alot of kids shouldn't have had so many kids if they couldn't afford them then it's an unreasonable thing to say and they get criticised for pointing it out?

Like it's different if the parents had good jobs before the kids came along but they lost them or some unforeseen thing happened that hit the finances but I'm talking about parents who never had cash or a great career before the kids came along. It is perfectly their right to have kids but surely they know that kids equate to expense before they have them so are they surprised?

I'd love to have kids myself but I can't afford them but I wouldn't find it offensive somebody pointing out the financial realities of kids if I suddenly planned to have kids tomorrow. So why do people get offended by this?

It was the woman you and your mate were slagging behind her back.

If you were so secure in your opinions why didn't you open your mouth and slag in front of her?

op just say you don't want children. I think I'm going to start a thread: why do people smugly declare they're not having children due to cost or the environment when they really just don't want children? AIBU?????

I'm disabled. I didn't know I was gonna get disabled when I had them. I suppose I should've got the crystal ball out.

Why can’t you get a better job so that you can live the life you want then?

And do you have a partner that also wants kids?

It was the woman you and your mate were slagging behind her back.
If you were so secure in your opinions why didn't you open your mouth and slag in front of her

we didn't slag her,1 person pointed out she shouldn't have any more kids as she was struggling and had 5 kids within 10 years. They struggled massively financially during all those years and lost the family home etc so I can see why having more kids wouldn't be something I'd do.

You've got no children and you're here on a parenting website bitching and moaning about some poor woman and her husband that you're all backstabbing and judging when all you know is a snippet here and there. Maybe use this time to job search or maximise your income somehow instead of benefits. See, it doesn't feel nice when people judge you for your circumstances, does it now op?

So you are childless, work and are on benefits. Am I missing something?

I'm disabled. I didn't know I was gonna get disabled when I had them. I suppose I should've got the crystal ball out

read my op, i said it didn't apply to unforeseen cases

What benefits do you get as a childless person working full time with a partner who must also be working full time (because otherwise you'd be a hypocrite)?

100 percent this.
If you really wanted kids you would make it happen. Not making excuses and bitching at the ones who had the balls to go for it.

I'd just like legs that work.

🤷🏼‍♀️

I've done a fucking good job with my kids but there were still days when I moaned to friends and colleagues. Because it was fucking HARD.

Do you think they should try get the children back up the birth canal?

Regardless of the circumstances, once children are born, they are here.
It matters not a jot what the parent's thought processes were in choosing to have them, the system should be there to protect and provide for the children's welfare.

Regardless of the circumstances, once children are born, they are here.
It matters not a jot what the parent's thought processes were in choosing to have them, the system should be there to protect and provide for the children's welfare

yes but when people point out that parents who struggle with multiple kids shouldn't have anymore because of cost it's seen as a bad thing to say when really it's not and it's true.

Why don't you save hard or get a better paid job to have your child? If you are desperate to have a child, you would make it work or just accept a poorer lifestyle.....2nd hand prams, clothes , no holidays etc.
You can also stop at 1 child op...you don't need to have 5.

Why did you lose your job OP?

You can also stop at 1 child op...you don't need to have 5

yea but that's exactly what my op was questioning, why do people who can't afford it keep going?> why is that a bad thing to say?

When I was young and stupid and naive and traumatised from my upbringing and didn't know I was autistic and just made shitty choices I had kids with a man who wasn't really a good match for me.

So having had one I shouldn't have had the next two by your logic

We could afford them but the relationship was shit.

But when you're in a situation like that you don't think clearly - I didn't.

And I absolutely love my kids to the ends of the earth and as much as my marriage was shit not for all the money in the world would I not have done it because they are simply the centre of my world and the best thing I've ever done

Stick that in your fucking pipe and smoke it.

Why did you lose your job OP

I developed rheumatic arthritis, quite severe type, so on extended leave.

We could afford them but the relationship was shit

my question applied to those who can't afford it though, not bad relationships so not really relevant and 2 very different situations.

Well No. because once I was out on my ear with no job I couldn't afford them could I.

Well No. because once I was out on my ear with no job I couldn't afford them could I

Again read my op, I said people who had no cash from the get go, not ones whos circumstances changed.

Also. I was raised in a religious home and didn't have access to abortion. So even if I couldn't afford them, what was I supposed to do once I was pregnant?

Who's going to administer this brave new world of deserving and undeserving poor? Who's going to assess income and decide if you can have a child?