To have absolutely lost my cool at teen.

[BABYASLEEP]

I'm at home today with 1.5year old DS and 14 year old DSS. Husband at work.

DS is being a bugger at the moment, not sleeping great and a whirlwind during the day so by the time his nap time comes about mid day I'm absolutely desperate for the peace and quiet for an hour.

Anyway, I can't explain the amount of times I have BEGGED DSS to keep it down in his room on his games console whilst DS is asleep. Every time I go in first and say X is having a sleep now please just be mindful and I'd say at least 80% of the time he'll wake DS up at some point shouting at his games or with his friends.

Anyway, really REALLY needed DS to have a sleep today as didn't sleep great last night and he's also got a bit of a cold type thing so grouchy as hell.

Same thing happened, asked DSS to keep it down whilst DS slept and within 10 mins he's woken DS up who won't go back to sleep.

I absolutely lost my cool and shouted at DSS that this was his fault and why can't he just do as he's told. He got upset and is sulking in his room now. I'm downstairs with DS feeling fucking frazzled.

I'm so sick of it, I feel like unplugging the WiFi whenever DS naps now so he can't play his games anymore if he can't just keep it down. I don't expect silence but just no screeching and shouting!!

YANBU OP. At all.

Having got a 15yo, the issue is that they mean to stay quiet, then they get excited and with headphones on they don't realise how loud they are.

What I think I'd do is wait until you're both calm then apologise for shouting and explain how tired you are (throw in a joke about sleep deprivation being used for torture) and see if you can reach an agreement that when ds goes down, he comes off mike for an hour. He can stay on the computer as long as he's quiet.
Set it for an hour as that gives him an end time, and an idea of how long he has to do something else for.
If he doesn't keep to that then say you'll be switching the internet off for an hour.

But the other thing I'd throw in is that for my dc#1, she was a really good sleeper, but went through a bad patch at around 6 months. I was totally convinced that something was waking her up. Then one time I was muttering to myself about it waking her "again" and realised that actually it hadn't happened and she'd just woken.
So please, if he agrees to come off, but ds wakes, don't start blaming dss anyway. It may be that it's just a phase he's going through.

YANBU.
For all those saying ds is displaying normal 14yr old behaviour, I agree. But, one day that 14yr will become an adult and amazing and all as brain development is, it isn't going to switch to adult behaviour overnight. It takes a long process of training and parenting.

This is a prime opportunity to start bridging the gap between teenage brain and adult brain. Op may not have had her finest hour shouting at him, but come on, most of us have been that exhausted and frustrated with sleep deprived little ones. Just because OP lost her cool does not mean she is trying to cuckoo him out of the home.

OP, forgive yourself and try that conversation style suggested by pp, apologising for losing your cool, but reiterating that baby's sleep is important for all members of the family. Tell him you feel you may have to cut wifi during naps, ask him if he can think of solutions other than no gaming during naps, because you its important to him and you don't want to upset him but he needs to work with you, not against you in protecting baby's sleep. If that doesn't resolve it then gaming goes during naps.

Good luck op, hope you get a cracking night's sleep tonight.

YANBU.
For all those saying ds is displaying normal 14yr old behaviour, I agree. But, one day that 14yr will become an adult and amazing and all as brain development is, it isn't going to switch to adult behaviour overnight. It takes a long process of training and parenting.

This is a prime opportunity to start bridging the gap between teenage brain and adult brain. Op may not have had her finest hour shouting at him, but come on, most of us have been that exhausted and frustrated with sleep deprived little ones. Just because OP lost her cool does not mean she is trying to cuckoo him out of the home.

OP, forgive yourself and try that conversation style suggested by pp, apologising for losing your cool, but reiterating that baby's sleep is important for all members of the family. Tell him you feel you may have to cut wifi during naps, ask him if he can think of solutions other than no gaming during naps, because you its important to him and you don't want to upset him but he needs to work with you, not against you in protecting baby's sleep. If that doesn't resolve it then gaming goes during naps.

Good luck op, hope you get a cracking night's sleep tonight.

FrostyFifi, you do realise there are many ways to communicate with children apart from shouting and it is generally seen as a bit shit as a parental technique.

Is everyone an arse who tells off a teenager for not listening when asked to do something repeatedly or just step parents?

There definitely is some projecting on this thread. I think we disagree who by though!

FrostyFifi, you do realise there are many ways to communicate with children apart from shouting and it is generally seen as a bit shit as a parental technique

I'll tell my mum, I'm sure she'll be deeply grateful for your parenting advice, and deeply ashamed that she wasn't consistantly perfect all the time even though none of her actual children mind.

@SproutsLCerVEGNoEgg

My comment was unnecessary, I totally agree but it was the first thing that popped into my head and maybe it should've stayed there! I should know about Mumsnet by now! You can't say anything without getting the third degree from someone!

Besides, I can't actually see that you have posted anything relevant to what the OP posted and just been questioning my post! So if you have an issue with what I said DM me instead or just leave it alone!

It's anecdata so not really relevant.....

To project is need to be in your scenario, I'm not, I'm married to my 15 year old and 11 year Old's father, no step children. I am a biological mother to a 15 year old and understand how they work and as you are a new mother I'm suggesting what you are describing is all very typical and not the crime of the century! Equally, why don't you just apologise to him for shouting and explain in a calm way don't you have any kind of relationship with him?

Pp is clearly the perfect parent absolutely all of the time 🙂

Make him do some of the chores you were going to do this afternoon. Or make him watch DS for 45 mins so you can have a rest.

He needs to understand why you're so antsy about the baby's nap, and that it's not because you're being precious but because it bloody well ruins your day if he hasn't had his nap, so make it ruin DSS's day instead, it might help him start to understand.

And, yes, wifi off during nap times in future.

Sorry obviously not married to 15 year old , married to his Dad.

Is your 15 year old never expected to do as they are told? That sounds like a great way to parent.

Does he realise when he's getting noisy? Our baby monitor used to flash more LEDs the more noise was detected - I wonder whether something like that would help him realise when he's getting louder.
And not unreasonable to say that if he can't keep it down, he can't play during the nap.

at least you seem to have had the last couple of hours free to indulge in mumsnet ting at length Op! 😂

I don't really believe in punitive parental techniques. You are really showing your naivety and lack of experience in being a parent of teenagers with that comment. I communicate with my nearly 16 year old and guide him to make good choices but recognise like me he is human and not perfect. Why would expect perfection from him if I'm not perfect. He is in top groups for everything, the most common compliment I receive on both my DC are how kind they are, he has loads of friends because he is just a well balanced kid.

Then why weren't there consequences?

You can unplug the router for next nap time, but nothing stopped you doing it when he woke the baby up.

The problem here is that you've had a second familymassive age gap. So the teenager can't behave normally and it having to tiptoe around the baby in the school holidays.

He's not really doing anyone wrong he's just being excitable playing with his friends. Your baby will do the same.

Op isn't doing anyone a favour, the teenager is simply living his life in his dads house and it's getting in the way of op and her new baby.

I think they actually can’t control their volume, they lose themselves in the game and if they’re wearing headphones they can’t hear how loud they’re being.

It’s so reasonable to unplug the wifi at nap time I can’t believe anyone thinks it isn’t. Especially if it’s at a predictable time each day that he can plan around with the friends he is playing with.

But I think you also should apologise for shouting.

You're right, it's not.

And it would be a cold day in hell before I apologised to someone (of whatever age) for shouting, when they've ignored repeated requests for something.

I think treating my DC respectfully has paid off actually so yes, it is a good to be as laid back as you can as a parent. You are going to be in for a rocky ride in the teenage years if you think you can just tell them to do as they are told, you do realise biologically they are not supposed to do that.

Im not sure your husbands son is disobeying you or deliberately ignoring "instruction". He is getting caught up in a game aimed to get him that way, and he is forgetting a baby is asleep. After all, he is 14.

The adult needs to just say the baby naps between 11.30 and 13.00, games are off limits, you can game between 13.00 and 15.00 for example. Job done.

This. Why should the same thing have to be said over and over and over again. Either they don’t care or refuse to listen, neither is good

@Goodgrief82 - I don’t think we need a huge back story to unpick. Just take the simple facts the OP has given. She explained that she has begged DSS on numerous occasions to keep the noise down - this implies that it’s a regular problem and there’s no mention of a bad relationship between them. It’s a fairly straightforward request to ask him to keep the noise at a reasonable level for one hour a day whilst her baby is napping regardless of any other factors.

Spot on.