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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell my friend she’s boring

117 replies

tescovsasda · 06/01/2023 14:05

My friend has always been a helicopter parent and her whole life is 100% about her DC. This was more understandable when the dc were little but now they’re all teenagers/young adults and it’s utterly tedious. When I get a call from her or pops over, I just know she’s got something to tell me about the dc - good results, friend issue etc. She’ll pretend to be interested in me for one minute before she has to start talking about the DC. She’ll even go on and on about their friends (who I don’t know). If I try to change the subject she doesn’t listen and continues to talk about her DC.
If we’re asked out by other friends, she usually doesn’t come as she doesn’t want to leave the DC on their own ( youngest is 14).
I wouldn’t actually tell her she is boring but how would you handle this?

OP posts:
OriginalUsername2 · 06/01/2023 14:08

I would say things like “Never mind the kids, how are YOU? You never talk about yourself anymore. How have you been? Been watching or reading anything?”

wizzywig · 06/01/2023 14:10

Shout "boring " as soon as she mentions her kids.

SleeplessInEngland · 06/01/2023 14:11

I think if you don't know her well enough to feel comfortable telling her she's talks about her kids too much then she's more of an acquaintance than a friend. How easy would it be to extricate her from your life?

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 06/01/2023 14:13

You don't sounds like much a friend to her, to be honest.

So her kids are her life. Is that such a bad thing?

If you find her boring, go and find some more interesting friends.

Adviceneeded200 · 06/01/2023 14:13

She won't change as she's not yet realised and her life has been moulded so her identity is her children...Well, young adults.

I doubt she could change and whether it's worth the investment of energy. Probably better to just distance her over time.

U1sce · 06/01/2023 14:15

Id try and be tactful first - talk about how parenthood changes as children get older, and how important it is to have your own hobbies/time/space etc. Id do it by talkjng about something I do for myself then say 'I dont know what Id do if I didn't have some time to myself' or something along those lines. Maybe mention empty nest syndrome and how much worse it is for those who stay completely wrapped up in their children's lives (this is just a guess btw)

Then if that doesnt work Id have to have words, but I wouldnt be so blunt because I think you will really hurt her feelings and most likely lose a friend

Crackof · 06/01/2023 14:15

It's al very subjective isn't it.
People's fun is their fun. You don't need to understand it.
She probably finds you boring and that's why she doesn't go out with you. Her kids are more fun than you maybe, and less judgemental.

SleeplessInEngland · 06/01/2023 14:17

Crackof · 06/01/2023 14:15

It's al very subjective isn't it.
People's fun is their fun. You don't need to understand it.
She probably finds you boring and that's why she doesn't go out with you. Her kids are more fun than you maybe, and less judgemental.

Monomania deserved to be judged. It's tedious to experience no matter the subject.

SnoozyLucy7 · 06/01/2023 14:19

It’s not really that she’s boring, rather then the fact that she is not your friend. She takes no interest in you, only talks about herself and her child.

In what way is this friendship of benefit to you, because it’s not a friendship at all.

pictoosh · 06/01/2023 14:19

Probably by not seeing her that often tbh.

I had a friend who went on and on about her daughter. I dreaded wasting my free time playing audience to the minutiae of this little girl's every move. Nothing worked in terms of changing the subject or even being quite brusque. She'd get this soppy look of joy come over her face as every topic related to her daughter in some way and she had yet another opportunity to talk about her favourite subject again.
Fucking boring yes. I became less and less available.

xogossipgirlxo · 06/01/2023 14:21

"Shout "boring " as soon as she mentions her kids."
😂

Hmm, I wouldn't say it straight to her face. If she was always like this, she will unlikely change. Do you like her apart from this? Maybe gentle suggestion like "let's not talk about kids, they can cope, how are you?" etc.

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 06/01/2023 14:23

wizzywig · 06/01/2023 14:10

Shout "boring " as soon as she mentions her kids.

I want to do this every time my kids start talking...

MyPurpleHeart · 06/01/2023 14:27

I have a friend like this, it's excruciating. We work in adjoining offices so about 4 times a day I get updates about what DD has had for lunch, how long her nap was, if she's had an accident at nursery. I honestly don't care

The worst one was she showed me a picture of DDs shit after she had unblocked some constipation. I told her to get to fuck, what's wrong with you!!

CovertImage · 06/01/2023 14:30

So her kids are her life. Is that such a bad thing?

Not if you're brain-dead, otherwise yes

Kitkatcatflap · 06/01/2023 14:35

Have you just thought of saying 'Come over but no talking the kids - kid free zone today'. Set up swear jar but for mention of kids - fine her. Perhaps she doesn't know that she does it. Suggest going to see a film, exhibition? A different setting might be more conversational.

I think it's unfair to call her boring, however people who solely talk about their kids are boring. I feel a bit sorry for her, seems she has lost herself a bit in motherhood. What was she like before kids? Hoping you don't say - all about her job, then all about her new boyfriend.

1000yellowdaisies · 06/01/2023 14:35

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 06/01/2023 14:13

You don't sounds like much a friend to her, to be honest.

So her kids are her life. Is that such a bad thing?

If you find her boring, go and find some more interesting friends.

Op actually does sound like a good friend.
This friend will have no one in her life if everyone drops her and doesn't tell her why. Everyone who has kids talks about them but not to this extent.
I'd mention it gently... say something like lets have a children free afternoon and see how that goes down

OoooohMatron · 06/01/2023 14:35

wizzywig · 06/01/2023 14:10

Shout "boring " as soon as she mentions her kids.

🤣 if only I had the guts to do this when someone is boring, followed by a theatrical yawn!

Bobbins36 · 06/01/2023 14:37

I had one like this, eventually realised she was using me and my kids to be friends when it suited them, dropped when a better offer was around. Always expected to listen to her boasts/tales of woe. Whatever anyone going through, she had a story to bring it back round to her life. Tedious, sacked the one sided friendship years ago and never looked back. Added precisely nothing to my life, yet sucked energy from mine.

Original poster
tescovsasda · 06/01/2023 14:38

@Crackof
‘People's fun is their fun. You don't need to understand it.

She probably finds you boring and that's why she doesn't go out with you. Her kids are more fun than you maybe, and less judgemental’

😂😂You could be right!

I’ve tried saying talking about the DC is boring in a jesting way but she just looks confused and carries on.

I actually enjoy hearing snippets of stuff about my other friends DC, but then we just move on. This particular friend is just relentless and also quite smug and judgmental about other DC who might not be as clever or talented as she thinks hers are.

OP posts:
TheaBrandt · 06/01/2023 14:38

It’s not unfair to call her boring she IS the very definition of boring. And Crackof are you the same?! Hence your snippy defensive answer!

Met up with 5 mum friends (met when kids tiny) today we barely mentioned our teens bar the odd funny anecdote.

LimeCheesecake · 06/01/2023 14:42

How about listening for 5-10 minutes then saying “so you’ve updated all about your kids and their friends, but what about you? What non- mum related things have you been up to?” If she’s got nothing you could say “it’s hard isn’t it not to just be mum, shall we start trying to find non- child related things like going to see an art exhibition or go to the theatre?”

Survey99 · 06/01/2023 14:42

I lost a few friends while in the stage of raising my family - my live revolved around trying to FT work, dc, elderly parents well and trying to run a home and keep in touch with friends and get some much needed sleep. There was no time or head space to have interesting hobbies, or keep up with current affairs so I had "interesting" conversation to entertain them with.

It is a phase and she will come out the other end, just depends on how much you value her as a friend and whether you are willing to wait.

RaiseTheStakesAndMakeTheLastWordDuckhead · 06/01/2023 14:45

wizzywig · 06/01/2023 14:10

Shout "boring " as soon as she mentions her kids.

I've literally just set up an account after years of lurking to tell you this made me laugh so much I just choked on my tea.

"We are so proud that DD just..."

"BORRRRRRIIINNGGGGGGG!! NEXT!!"

VladmirsPoutine · 06/01/2023 14:46

I don't think you "need" to say anything to her. People's lives and priorities shift all the time. All you can reasonably to is dial down the notch on your friendship. Telling her might create tension and a potential fallout - if that's something you can deal with then go ahead but I believe in living life as stress-free as is practicably possible; so in this instance I just would stop meeting up, making plans and responding all that much.

SnoozyLucy7 · 06/01/2023 14:52

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 06/01/2023 14:13

You don't sounds like much a friend to her, to be honest.

So her kids are her life. Is that such a bad thing?

If you find her boring, go and find some more interesting friends.

But friendships are meant to be a two thing. Yes, I’ll ask after your kid, when we meet up, but then I am not really interested in hearing everything about them. Most people are not interested in other peoples’ children. It’s boring and selfish to drone on about your kids when meeting up with other people.