To tell my friend she’s boring

[tescovsasda]

My friend has always been a helicopter parent and her whole life is 100% about her DC. This was more understandable when the dc were little but now they’re all teenagers/young adults and it’s utterly tedious. When I get a call from her or pops over, I just know she’s got something to tell me about the dc - good results, friend issue etc. She’ll pretend to be interested in me for one minute before she has to start talking about the DC. She’ll even go on and on about their friends (who I don’t know). If I try to change the subject she doesn’t listen and continues to talk about her DC.
If we’re asked out by other friends, she usually doesn’t come as she doesn’t want to leave the DC on their own ( youngest is 14).
I wouldn’t actually tell her she is boring but how would you handle this?

I think this is a lovely way of handling it

😮

She’ll pretend to be interested in me for one minute before she has to start talking about the DC. She’ll even go on and on about their friends (who I don’t know). If I try to change the subject she doesn’t listen and continues to talk about her DC.

Pull her up on it, gently. How you do it will depend on your relationship, but if it were me with one of my friends, I'd say, "oy! we've talked about the kids, now I'd like to talk about X if that's ok?", in a mock telling off tone whilst smiling a genuine eyes smile.

If she doesn't get it, then I'm afraid that I'd just see her less often. If she asks why you're not seeing each other so often you can then explain it to her.

Your friend doesn’t sound like much of a friend if she takes no interest in you and changes the subject if you try and talk about yourself. It doesn’t matter if she went on about her children or her obsession of polar bears - it can be so draining chatting to someone who doesn’t care about your life every time you meet.

I think if this was a close friend I would of already mentioned this to her. Instead of jokingly hinting like you have, I would probably of told her to her face that she never seems to take any interest and whilst I understand her kids are her life it would be nice to talk about other things. Or arrange a no kids and no kid chat pamper evening or something.

I don't feel this way at all about my friends' kids. I enjoy hearing about their escapades and achievements and tribulations.

I have a colleague like this, her kids are young adults and I get to hear about their friendship dramas, what happened at their work places, what they had for tea, everything.

So long as you don't mind her telling you you're bitchy.

I don't think being boring is the worst crime in the world but conversations need to give all parties present the opportunity to be boring. Perhaps introduce a timer?

Yes, of course, the first 20 minutes, or half an hour, sure. But what about making specific plans with others, say the whole day out and for that entire day your friend talks non stop about their kids? Hours of them droning non stop about their children. It’s exhausting and boring and I have walked away from a friend like this, because every meet up was like this. And I say this as some one with children myself.

My dcs are the centre of my life but they only have me and really my life does have to revolve round them. I have no one else to help out so my life is a bit sidelined. I don't know what your friends situation is but some people really don't have time for much apart from dcs.

So her kids are her life. Is that such a bad thing? YES
Being a Parent doesn’t define me, it’s part of who I am it not the whole or sum of me. My kids aren’t my life No. My life has multiple strands and facets, not solely parenting
Mum/Dad drone are crushingly dull and the monotheme of parenting really isn’t that interesting
You seem maybe to have drifted, you want different things. She’s preoccupied by her family and that’s her sole topic

OP’s mate’s kids may decide they don’t want kids or cannot have them and so she doesn’t become a Grandmother- and then what?!
@LuckySantangelo35
she will stay focused on her own kids even when they are grown ups. Some people are just like this.

The problem is not talking about kids it’s only talking about kids. Not even anyone else’s just your own. Yes that’s dull as ditch water. If you only spoke about your job or your dreams / niche hobby you would be similarly boring. I mean does this woman ever read a book or go to the cinema? Does she have an opinion on current events?

@Zone2NorthLondon

agree with everything you’ve written - parenting is just one facet of my life. You expect to have your life dominated when they are toddlers but once they’re independent the lack of interests is on you.

I can imagine the friend doing an OP

"I know I'm really boring and talk about my kids too much, but I've lost myself to parenting and have no idea what else to take about. Mostly I just sit out any meet ups, but my 'D' H is busy doing his hobbies and disinterested in fatherhood and I need somebody to share the highs and lows of parenting with, or I'll lose my mind. Aibu to use this 'friend' in this way? I know she thinks I'm really boring and would rather be somewhere else, but I just need somebody to talk to. I am so lonely and seem to have lost my way in talking to grown ups. I'm worried that I'll have an empty nest soon and no idea what to do with myself."

She probably finds you boring and that's why she doesn't go out with you.

The defensiveness coming off some of these posts!

I agree with @Divebar2021

the problem is talking only about kids, I get that her life evolves around kids and maybe she doesn’t have something else to talk about but she doesn’t want listening about OP’s problems either. She is just focused on herself.

Dystopia it is really weird that you have invented this scenario complete with a villainous Dh!! She’s likely a common or garden self absorbed bore and actually it would make it way worse if she realised it and carried on regardless! However like most of this type she’s likely blissfully unaware.

If she finds OP boring why on earth come round and bang on about her kids. It's absolute fine to be fascinated by the social lives of your teenage children, or stamp collecting, trainspotting or woodlice. If you're going to socialise with others though you should have some awareness of what is likely to interest the other person and don't dominate the conversation with topics they'll probably find tedious.

I have tried this and I got the response " Oh I have no time for anything but my kids." The kids were young adults. Some mums really do martyr themselves.

I know it’s early but this is my favourite thing I’ve read so far on the internet this year 😂

@Dystopiawarming

and I would hope loads of posters would tell her she is being unreasonable

to ‘use’ this friend in this way

to use anyone like that way is despicable

op doesn’t exist for her mate to have an outlet about parenting

The mad thing about this is that when me, my friends and sister all had kids around 20 years ago or so, when we did get to go out for dinner or drinks etc we generally spoke about anything but the kids. We would get the first 20 mins or so done with how was David's first day at school or Has Jack started to walk yet etc and then move on to talk about anything and everything else as we had been around our kids all day and this was our escape.

Even on this thread you can spot the mummy Martyrs a mile off

I am on the fence.

I get on really well with my teens so we have a good time together, and maybe she enjoys time with them, and takes pleasure talking about them. That is okay.

But if she has no other life at all, well that is not so fun for you.

You don't sound keen on her full stop, so I wondering why you don't fade out the friendship? You don't have to be friends with anyone!